I haven't been posting for about 2 weeks, just kinda lurking, reading other posts, but not participating because I started to feel like I had nothing interesting to add, my life experiences, personal issues were just not very interesting to others on the forum, I felt.
I also started reading CoC as well as reading old posts and reviewing the links from "old timer" JWD members. See, I never got deep into this cult, 18 years from birth to end and I was outta there!! I never pioneered, never had the MS or Elder husband, although I dated a MS, he was only 19 early 20's at best (I was only 16) but that didn't last. I was always a rebel and would never had been able to conform. I had more than my share of JC committees and counseling from the Elders.
I tried not to let this cult affect my children, but unfortunately I didn't try hard enough, because my mom got a hold of my oldest (his story already told, again not very interesting I guess), but what is interesting to me is that recently I started communicating with an old friend who is still a JW, he's been married x2, with 1 child, teenage daughter. This daughter came to him because she felt guilty about "heavy petting" with her boyfriend, well her dad encouraged her to go to the elders, by her coming forward on her own they would probably counsel her or maybe public reproove at the most, but surely not DF her (this was our conversation) I told him he was wrong and from personal experience he should not encourage his daughter to go and talk to these elders, they would interrogate her, ask her very personal and intimate questions and probably df her anyway. Well she did as dad advised and the elders did what I expected, to be fair they also df'd the boyfriend (4th generation JW's, and very prominent JW's). But rumor has it that SHE seduced him and SHE was the bad seed, now her name is mudd!!! She tried to appeal it, but same outcome. He by the way is now reinstated after only 6 months!!!????? Kicker is they never even had sexual intercourse!!~!!! WTF????
I think my friend is on the fence especially after this incident (he is also 3rd generation JW) but cannot or does not want to believe that the "truth" is really a "lie". He still makes excuses for the WTBS changes, or the old party line that "they are imprefect men", Yadda, Yadda, Yadda.....I don't know that he will ever be able to leave, maybe I can help him???? I don't know how I can because I just left and didn't care about the consequences, I didn't have "good friends" in the "truth" I always had non-JW friends so for me it was easy and my family for the most part are a part of my life (sometimes I wish my mom wasn't but that another, probably boring story).
Anyway, I'm still reading Coc and I'm starting to understand other JWD members more, the reason for fading and not just leaving, the trauma of being df'd or da'd and trying desperately to avoid that. I've read "Jay's story" and found it to be very informative. I guess I have a new respect for those who choose to live a lie to keep from loosing family and friends. I tend to always say "if they were friends and they were loving family then they would not choose the cult over their family and/or friend, and if they did they didn't really care about that person anyway so who needs them"? But now I'm softening up on that a little.
I don't know what to say except that I've learned more in 2 weeks about this cult than I ever did in the 18 years I was forced to be in this cult. I'm glad I didn't waste my adult life in this cult and I'm soooo glad I was able to walk away without the drama that some have had to endure.
Thanks for reading my rambling post, maybe it will help somone else who is having trouble understanding the "faders".
nj