WHY?????

jut1981

I was bought up as a Jehovahs Witness in a divided home, my dad being baptized but not having gone to meetings etc for years. My mum being driven on by the influence of my gran. I was forced into baptism at 15! (Way too young and naive to be expected to make that kind of decision) but dropped off around 18 years old. Finally being disfellowshipped at 19 for having a wordly girlfriend. The thing was for the years since my baptism the other young brothers and few sisters and me led double lives. I was an "angel" at the meetings a "elder in the making" and then 2 hours later on a sunday afternoon, drinking in the park at 16 or at the pub, and often clubbing. As I said i stopped going because i didn't want to lead a double life. We were constantly told at the meetings not to "sit on the fence" etc and I didn't want to anymore. Why pretend I was someone I wasn't? So I left. It wasn't until a year or so later that my mum decided to get me disfellowshipped for going on holiday with my girlfriend. Again I wasn't going to lie to her or the elders when they came to speak to me and the shunning began. I decided I was free and applied to university moving away from home where I settled. I rarely see my mum or my sister who do not bother to contact me. In fact my mum and I haven't spoken since she told me I had to get all the remainder of my stuff (old schoolwork) out of her house or she will burn it! Lucky for me since leaving and my parents divorcing I have a brilliant relationship with my dad now. As for my mums side of the family, no-one has seen or contacted me for nearly 7 years. I don't mind this though, thats their decision and the way they choose to live their lives in a dark cupboard. The thing that pisses me off is that my eldest cousin, (baptised and daughter of an elder) got married to a wordly bloke after living with him for a year, then divorced, then lived with a new boyfriend for 2 years, left him and then lived with another wordly guy, had a baby - then got married and nothing done or said about it! Her younger brother was baptised, smoking and drinking, took drugs and his dad new. Met a wordly girl, got engaged and moved in with her - I believe they are now married, again nothing done or said! My other cousin wasn't baptised but still at 16 left home and moved in with a 30 year old guy for a year before getting married (pregnant) and now baptised. My problem is that I was honest and didn't want to live a double life and my mum saw fit to get me disfellowshipped. I am also regarded as the black sheep of the family who must be shunned whilst those mentioned bask in the families glory. Now if that isn't two faced and double standards I don't know what is!

FreedomFrog

Hi Jut, Welcome to JWD.

I can't answer the question "why". Like you, I was basically "brow beaten" to getting baptized at the age 15 years old. Now that I'm older and with kids of my own I knew I couldn't have them to live that way. Before my parents started the shunning thing (which I am NOT DF'd or DA'd by the way) I did ask my mom how I would have been treated if I hadn't gotten baptized. She did admit that they would have not been able to associate with me much because I didn't take "Jehovah's" stand. So it's really "damn if you do damn if you don't". There are no real winning situations with kids growing up in the borg IMHO.

compound complex

Greetings and welcome, jut1981,

Happy to have you join us! Life certainly is unfair on any given day, but in the Organization, it can be downright untenable; it seems to be whom you know that counts. Your being honest and straightforward makes you a man. You've got to live with yourself and have some self respect. It hurts to be shunned - I know - but it would seem that those whom you describe as "getting away with it" will have their own personal day of reckoning. You can move forward with you life, develop new friendships, and show yourself to be a fine and upstanding citizen who cares for his fellow.
Stay tuned to JWD [have you been lurking awhile?] and you'll find new and caring friends.

CoCo

Pubsinger

It happens because some elders just can't be bothered to do anything - so there's no consistency.

I know it doesn't help you with the way that you've been treated but try and be happy for them.

At least they haven't had to go through what you have - something you presumably wouldn't wish on anyone.

Hope everything works out for you.

fullofdoubtnow

Hi jut, and welcome to the forum

I knew people in my kh who got away with many of the things you describe, and still do. I saw the po's daughter virtually eating her boyfriend, himself the son of an elder, in my local pub a few months ago, as well as drinking and smoking, and she is a regular pioneer, very well thought of in her kingdom hall.

It is so unfair that you have been punished for being honest, while others get away scot free despite breaking the rules and concealing the fact. As to why that happens, I really don't know.

BFD

I don't know WHY either. But, welcome to the board it's a great place to learn and heal from all the emotional abuse dealt out by the WT$.

BFD

jut1981

Thanks for the replies. I wouldn't wish what I went and currently go through on anyone else, though I'm glad that it has happened to me as I believe it's helped me move on.

It's nice to know there are people with similar backgrounds to me who understand!

LittleToe

Hi jut.

It sounds like you've been going through the mill, but help is at hand as many here have been in a similar boat.

What part of Notts are you from? I used to go to Eastwood cong, and Assembies as Hellaby and Trent Bridge.

Nowman

Well, theres always a double standard, right? At least you are out of the cult. I too left when I was 18, DFd because of fornication with a worldly boy. I was an only child. I was completely cut off, (eventually though my pioneer mom realized it was a cult too, and she was DFd, we did not see each other for 8 years), have not seen my dad since 1992. Hes still a die hard JW, what a waste!

Welcome.

Nikki

BizzyBee

Welcome! This thread currently running might give some insight ............. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/133615/1.ashx

WHY?????

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