I never have done right by you...

Sparkplug

In talking to my mom the other day (who is doing so well BTW) she turned to me and said straight and as sane as can be, "I have never done right by you, don't do as I have done to you to you kids." She got teary eyed and I changed the subject fast because I did not know how to take it nor could I talk with the big lump in my throat.

I have known this my whole life, and I don't even speak it as plain as she has spoken it, but hearing out of her mouth as she sits in her wheelchair and knowing she means it from her heart and from pure love, well It messed me up a bit. I was not sure what to do. I wanted to run. Strange.

Just sharing.

Have you ever had your JW parents or JW loved ones admit something so awful in such a truthful way? It is hard to take. Hard to grasp and hard to accept from them. I am not sure why , but it was just hard.

That is all.

Warlock

I have apologised to my daughter, many times. Your children need to understand, as they are victims of you, so you were a victim of your own parents.

Warlock

HAL9000

A worse, more upsetting situation arises when a parent can no longer express themselves due to progressive dementia, has "done bad" to their kids and has not come clean with the kids.

This happened to someone close & it tore them up. Badly.

h9k

Sparkplug

Ahh Hal and Warlock, it is a sad thing to hear your parent say that. Sadder still when we loose them and cannot get a thing sane out of them. I think I am fortunate in that she has gained sanity for a bit, but I am afraid to press it further. I will take what she said and see what she means by it and be thankful. I am not sure I can handle more.

orangefatcat

although my mother has never said anything to me personally about it, I know she regrets it because she is so heartbroken according to my aunt who is not a witness.

once my mom in a down moment let it slip to me while i was still in the org. she wished she could leave it all behind and forget being a witness. I believe that is the cloest thing to saying I never have done right by you.

i just think it is fear that keeps their blood pressure up fear of dying at A and the guilt that is heaped upon them by the wts., so they die without having made peace with the child who walked away from it all.

maybe i had some tough times growing up, but it wasn't my fault my dad was an alcholic and mom a amphetimine abuser. i am a product of parents who found it almost impossible to say they were sorry. i never caused my parents heartaches at least until i was a grown adult and dad was dead and i finially chose for myself what course I was going to take and they had no control. over it. Seeing my mom and my sister briefly once last yr made me see with mine own eye the regret that was in their hearts. I get lumps in my throat my heart aches and i cry because they can't see what I know.

ofc

Bumble Bee

Sparkplug I know what you mean. My step mother apologized a few years ago for the way she raised me - some of the things she did as I was growing up. She said she didn't know any better at the time, and whised now she could have done things differently.

On one hand you accept the apology, on the other - those things are still with you, and they always will be. You just take the sentiment for what it is - heartfelt - and continue on.

BB

Satans little helper

The last time I saw my father he actually apologised for the abuse me and my brother received from him as we were growing up. It's the nearest to genuine remorse I have ever seen from him, but he of course went on to ruin the moment with pathetic JW posturing and a comment along the lines that I will die soon anyway.

It was amusing in a perverse way, it was the first and only occasion that my wife has met her father in law and it wcould well be the last time. It was also the first time in 10 years that I had spent any time with my father, just a few weeks before we emigrated.

Even when they do make a tenuous admission of guilt, it is always in a two faced way or they manage to get a parting shot in there somewhere. Fortunately I have moved on from the anger and was able to walk away without punching him although I was so damn tempted.

Crumpet

Sparky - I can understand how you feel like running when you hear that. It can be a scary thing, but let yourself feel the true sincerity and let it move you rather than resisting it. I am so happy for you - that's a wonderful thing for a parent to acknowledge their mistakes and recognise their child's achievements and strengths.

(((sparky)))

anewme

That was a special moment Sparkplug. A moment of clarity like the sun breaking through the dark cloudy sky.
We get those moments only so often, usually when alone, and rarely when someone else is with us (the one who needs to hear it). So you were lucky you were right there when your mom's dark cloud cleared. It is a combination of clarity and a letting go of ego so truth can shine through. I think it means she loves you and is sorry for passing on some pain to you and your siblings.

((((((Sparky)))))))

PEC

((((((Sparkplug)))))))

Hang in there, accept the apology, never let your guard down.

Philip

I never have done right by you...

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