Question about keeping jw friend

OccumsRazor

Hello everyone. After reading some threads, I think this is the place to get some advice I finally did my homework on the WBTS (and now feeling like an idiot) I have made my decision to leave. However, I'm terrified of being shunned by my brother(best friend and best man at his wedding). If he were alone I dont think that this would be a problem, but his wife is an extremely controlling/religious/pioneering person. Unfortunately, he has no balls to do anything against her will and since becoming married has suspiciously begun to "reach out". We have a disfellowshipped sister and since being married has begun to completely shun her. And to go even farther then that (and this is what really frightens me) they have stopped associating with those who do not attend the meetings regularly. I was originally going to halfheartedly stick around just to increase the odds of keeping my friends, but I can no longer tolerate any more religious crap. Question: How exactly should I leave the organization? Alternative #1: If I meet with the elders and apostate their assees (which would feel very liberating). Sadly, I'm sure I would be shunned by all. Alternative #2: Should I sit down with my brother about this and give him my research? Ive built (what I feel to be) an airtight case against the society using only reliable sources i.e. the official UN Website, WT publications, etc.. This alternative looks good but I'm scared of him not listening and then not speaking to me again. Alternative #3: Make a clean brake from the WTS and keep my mouth shut about why I'm no longer attending meetings. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

DJK

Make a break. No doubt your brother will come to you to find out why. Then tell him your reason.

As for your brother and his wife, there is a song called "When a man loves a woman",, listen to it a couple times.

DJK

I see it's your first post, welcome to the board.

jgnat

I'll suggest a few more.

Alternative #2: Should I sit down with my brother about this and give him my research? Ive built (what I feel to be) an airtight case against the society using only reliable sources i.e. the official UN Website, WT publications, etc.. This alternative looks good but I'm scared of him not listening and then not speaking to me again.

Alternative #2A. Pick from my research the small bit I think would most affect my brother. Visit him privately about my doubts and let him know I am leaving. Drop the "bomb". If he responds, share more. If he doesn't, hug him and leave.

Alternative #3: Make a clean brake from the WTS and keep my mouth shut about why I'm no longer attending meetings. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Alternative #4 Fade. Start skipping a midweek, then both midweeks, then every third meeting, every other, then only show for the CO's visit, then only show for the memorial. If anyone asks, say you are unwell but you just need to be left alone for a time.

In any case, I do think it is an idea before you make a dramatic exit to send those you love a short note as to why you are leaving. You don't really care what the elders think, do you?

The wanderer

Dear Razor:

Take some time in making this decision and think
things through. I mean really think things through.

Remember, when emotions are high, intellect is low.

Weigh all of your options carefully, and in the
meantime you might want to consider becoming a
"fader."

Leaving the organization regardless of the
circumstances involved is a tough choice.

Personally, I wish you all the best.

Respectfully,

The Wanderer

garybuss

I did it 3, 2, and then 1. From walking away a believer to being mass shunned only took 21 years for me. My son was the first to snub me. My brother hasn't spoken to me since 1992.

There was something about being hated by relatives that made accepting it all a lot easier. I tried to keep connections with Witnesses and failed.

"Peter Gregerson once said on a television program in Vancouver, B.C. that being raised a Jehovah's Witness was like being raised in an insane asylum with retarded parents." (Jim Penton May 14, 1996)

Sanity and objective reality are seen by Witnesses as defective at best and demonism at worst. How can I have any real relationships with people who think reality is a sin?

The wanderer

Dear Razor:

I say these things because my circumstances
regarding my best friend were similar to yours.

Thankfully, I helped him out of the organization.

However, it took 2 years of fighting and I mean
some very ugly fighting before we could speak
with civility toward each other.

Today, we are better friends out of the organ-
ization then when we were both in it.

I ask you to consider all options because
whatever decision you make will a lasting
one.

Take care my friend.

Respectfully,

The Wanderer

OnTheWayOut

I have engaged my best friend in looking into the possibility that WTS is wrong. He has not
shunned me, but will not seriously look into these things. I need to drop the subject now.

You have to decide what to do. You may do him a world of good if you reveal some real truths
to him, or he may shun you. He may be ready for the truth, he may not.

One other suggestion is to start revealing things without revealing your feelings.
Say "I found this article...... I was confused by this teaching..... I started reading in the
Proclaimers/Revelation book..... "
You could start with a reading of some books before you make a decision how to leave.
Various people will recommend different books. I recommend the following:
CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE by Ray Franz (go to freeminds.org to find it, or Amazon)
CAPTIVES OF A CONCEPT by Don Cameron (go to lulu.com to find it. Can be downloaded direct to computer)
COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL by Steve Hassan (go to freeedomofmind.com to find it, and his 2nd book)
HOW TO RESCUE YOUR LOVED ONE FROM THE WATCHTOWER by David Reed (freeminds.org)

Start skipping some meetings while you decide what you want to do. See how the elders and others
react to your skipping.

OccumsRazor

Thanks for the responses. I'm going to try and innocently point out a couple of things and gauge my next step on his reaction. Hopefully it works out for the best. I'll post on how everything goes

Question about keeping jw friend

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