OK, So here is the trouble--everytme something bad happens, esp. a death, my mother will give whoever the unfortunate families who are greiving a book about being able to see your loved ones again. This is wxtremely difficult for me b/c first of all some of these people are close to meand expect me to know what the hell she is talking about! I have no clue. And when you try to explain all this to the normal average person, they think you are nuts. I would like to respectfully ask her not to do this but she will go off telling me how sorry I will be and how I should be forming a bond with Jehovah for my own sake and for my children. I have even considered studying with her to get her off my back. But I do realize that will only make my problem multiply! thanks in advance for any advice
advice on dealing with mom....please!!!!
by WANTMOMBACK 8 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
jgnat
Your mom is nuts. I'll give you an example from my daily life to see if you can apply it to your problem.
My JW hubby has a tender spot for telephone solicitors. He can't turn them down. Instead of saying "no", he'll suggest they call me back at dinner-time. Last night, when my JW hubby was at the meeting, a sweet lady came to my door and told me my husband had told her to come back that night to sponsor a child. The weather was horrible cold, sleeting a mixture of snow and wet. Her lovely red hair was pasted to her face. I saw her clip-board, so I did not open my screen door.
I interrupted her presentation and said "no" shaking my head with a smile. "But your husband said you would..." I interrupted her again, "My husband is too chicken to say no, so he makes me do it." "So you don't want to sponsor a child?" she asked plaintively. "No" I smiled, and we parted.
It's not your problem that your mom is nuts. You can't stop her from doing stupid things, because she genuinely thinks she is saving people from an eternal death. It is also not your problem to fix the havoc that she creates. Here's what I think you should do. When family members come with the booklet, tell them your mom is nuts, the booklet is as confusing as it appears, and they can disregard it.
-
Scully
You could tell her that some people have taken offense at her well-intentioned efforts to help them cope with their grief. It's all in the timing, and allowing people to grieve in their own way.
When one of my grandparents died, we were at their house getting ready to go to the funeral when a real estate agent showed up offering to sell the house. My parents and aunts and uncles were all extremely offended. It was all in the timing. The body wasn't even buried yet and someone was trying to "ambulance chase" his way into an easy real estate sale. I think it's the same way when JWs go into You Can Be Reunited with Dead Loved Ones™ (aka Fresh Meat, aka Vulture) mode as soon as they hear someone's relative has died. Maybe if your mom could see it from that perspective she will see the benefit of giving grief-stricken people their own time and space.
-
Nulite
Your mom will never stop giving out books and tracts to families who have just lost loved ones. That is who she is. Have in mind, however what your own stand is. Have a permenant position regarding death and so on. Whatever your position is express it with some resolve. Tell your mother to keep her ideals to herself pertaining to you and your kids. There are no absolutes pertaining to any belief system. The sun will rise tomorrow regardless if you believe a certain way or not. Just form an opinion based upon your God given instincts and the knowledge you have gained to this point. You don't have to understand everything. Its o.k.
Nulite
-
La Capra
There is ettiquette protocal for dealing with others when they have suffered a loss. Provide her with a book that explains what is proper "in polite society." If she still disregards it, then she is simply rude. And now she knows it, even if she can't help herself. Shoshana
-
jgnat
Good idea, La Capra. Here is one my google finds:
http://www.happywomanmagazine.com/Features/funeral.htm
I can't find much on soliciting during funerals. It appears that most people know better.
-
carla
My jw is the same way! Name any human suffering a family can go through and he will send the jw's to their house! It is to the point I don't even mention deaths in our coummunity if I can help it because I don't want him sending jw's over. They have no idea of what 'polite society' is, nor do they care. A chance to get somebody while they are at their most vulnerable is the wt way.
-
Quandry
I would say that mom means well. Two years ago I would have admired her for "reaching out" to those in grief. Really I would say that she is trying to be helpful. She has been totally indoctrinated into JW teachings, and seems sincere. I know I was. I honestly wanted to help people.
I would say have patience. Try to get little points across one at a time. Maybe a little reason will eventually bear fruit.
You don't have to explain mom's actions to others. They will look at the material she gives them and form their own opinion.
-
sass_my_frass
Well, you know that she thinks that she's doing people a favour, and you know that WBTS knows that vulnerable people produce the best results. We know that it's inappropriate, but JWs think it's for the good of the person, and can't see how tasteless it is.
Tell your family that being a JW has sent your mum mad, and made her hand out this crazy stuff. Then get them a beer. Just because she's a loon, it shouldn't get in the way of your relationship with the rest of your family.