I want to thank all of you for your words of wisdom and support during my breakup with my JW ex-boyfriend. I honestly don't know how I would have handled the last few weeks without having this forum. I had reached the point where I had no where else to turn. I was too embarrassed to confide anymore to my family and friends because I felt so ashamed for allowing myself to go through the same cycle, over and over again. Thank you for being here. I have learned so much reading all the posts, past and present.
I am moving back to my home state in June, and I am so excited! A few months ago, my older brother and sister-in-law bought a new house. They sold their old house to my other brother and sis-in-law. Well, they in turn are going to lease THEIR old house to me, with the option to buy once I am all settled in! My dad calls it the trifecta! It just feels like more than a coincidence. I feel like God is pointing me in the right direction now that I'm finally able to let go of this unhealthy relationship. I've sent in my resume and application to several school districts there and have received an offer from my old principal from the very first district in which I taught! I wasn't crazy about working in that particular district and had put my application in there primarily as a "back up," so I'm not sure if I should accept the position or wait it out and see if something I would like better comes along. It's only April, after all, so I feel I have some time before I get desperate.
I feel happy now, and it's only been about a week since our last blowout. A few weeks ago, I thought I would be miserable without him. I feel free. He is no longer around to blame me or confuse me. I do worry about him a lot though. But he is a grown man and he is the one who made the ultimatum, not me. I do feel bad about the way it ended, but it just couldn't seem to end on a good note. He asked me why I felt I couldn't become a Witness, and when I gave him my reasons, he figuratively beat me up again with scripture until I finally told him I didn't care what the Bible said. He had a field day with that comment. Of course I care, but he had me feeling so confused and frustrated I just wanted to yank the Bible out of his hands and beat him over the head with it and then shove it up his you-know-what.
One of the positive things I have gotten out of this relationship is that I have read the Bible more in the last few months than I think I have my entire life. Another thing that I have learned is that you really can't make someone else happy if they're not so inclined. That's never really hit home with me before this. I always felt like everything could be in my control, but I had absolutely no control over his moods and actions. I feel like I know myself better now. I know what I can and can't live with; I know just how far I can compromise before I start to feel like I am losing myself. I have also learned that I can't give my heart away so easily the next time. As Dr. Phil or someone said, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
You all have given me such wise advice. I have read your responses to my posts dozens of times when I have felt weak and wanted to call him. You have helped more than you can ever know.
Thank you.