Bitter!!

by Gill 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  Gill

  Bikerchic - 'Never say Never!' Absolutely! I'm just remembering several JWs who said they would never leave 'Jehovah' meaning the WTBTS and they all did and are better for it!
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  Confession

  I found this note I'd written a couple of years ago, after I'd been reinstated. It was written to help me gather my thoughts when I kindly confronted my mother about her phoning my seventeen year old daughter to get information about me. It broaches this common "bitterness" accusation often used by JWs.

  C----- (my daughter) feels uncomfortable when you go through her to try and get information about me—or when you ask her to take some sort of responsibility over me. For instance, she mentioned how you told her you thought I was bitter—then asked her, “Isn’t he bitter?”

  There were other things said Saturday—and at other times—that I feel were inappropriate. I know that you are motivated to do these things by love, but both C------ and I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t do this anymore.

  I have asked myself why you thought I was “bitter.” The only things that come to mind were some things you learned during the couple of days you spent with me some weeks ago. I recall your asking me how the friends had been treating me. I told you how they’d been very nice to me, but one of your questions supposed that they might have been making calls to me. I mentioned that no one had actually called me. I know you were surprised about this, but the fact that you were so surprised does not mean that I was bitter.

  I also recall mentioning to you how D-------- (an elder friend who'd served on my prior DF-ing committee) had called me up a couple of weeks after I’d been disfellowshipped, at one point saying, “Well in hindsight, J--, I’m not sure it was the right decision.” I know that you gasped over this, and told me how sorry you were. Perhaps again, your shock over this made you think that I was bitter. But it was your shock. I recall emphasizing to you that the most surprising thing to me about this was that D----- would be so bold as to admit that to me over the phone.

  Let me make this clear: I have not an ounce of bitterness toward any of the men who served on the Judicial Committee—nor a single person in the congregation. Not at all.

  Shortly thereafter I had a conversation with my brother's wife. She asked lots of questions too. Don't know why, but she was curious about whether or not the elders in my congregation had been "encouraging" me while I was DFd. I told her that there really was very little communication. She asked, "So they didn't ever call you at all??" Ahem... Okay, so I admitted that the aformentioned elder had called me once to tell me he wasn't certain they'd made the right decision (to DF.) More gasps. (pause)

  "So do you feel bitter??" she asked wide-eyed.

  Any explanation that I was not, in fact, bitter was utterly lost amid the mile-a-minute, emotionally-driven mental constructions I could see forming in her mind. Her facial expressions, eye movements and subsequent comments demonstrated that she hadn't listened to me at all--and had decided that I must be bitter.

  So it wasn't anything I did or said. It was simply certain facts--that THEY THEMSELVES pried from me--that caused THEM to be shocked, that caused THEM to gasp out loud, and (sigh) caused THEM to conclude (despite my calmed, reasoned expressions) that I must be bitter.