It is my parents wedding anniversary Saturday and every year since I left I have always sent them a card. I wondered whether I should or not this year. On balance I wasn't sure what would upset them more - waiting for a card that never came, or receiving a card at all, especially since I said in December that I wouldn't "bother" them anymore.
Anyway it felt right to send a card so I did and I decided to put a little note inside, folded and bearing the message: "My news, but don't read it if you aren't interested". It gives them that option to discard, which knowing them they will probably take. However my mother's curiosity knows no bounds and she will probably retrieve it.
There is no point in putting any questions about what they believe in there - it would be go straight up the chimney quicker than miracle on Moses. But I do feel the need to let them know that I am no longer living each day in abject despair. Obviously if they were normal parents they would be delighted about this, but since they are abnormal parents they will probably be deeply "saddened".
Anyway I kept it short:
"Just to let you know I moved house a couple of months ago. Aunty A and Uncle B are in contact regularly [My dad's non dub sister and hubby who will communicate by letter but are afraid to meet me as it may cause my father to start shunning them...sigh] and have my new address if you should need it. Mr C and I are still good friends - in fact we went to Barcelona for a week last month which was fantastic - what a lovely relaxing city it is!
"And my globe trotting doesn't stop there - I am off to Dallas, Texas in May for LT's wedding [they know him and his family well and knowing the gossip grapevine will be well aware of his infamous DAing and will be very surprised that I am in touch and in deed friends with him after all these years], which I am really excited about!
"I do hope you are all well and also that you are genuinely happy in your day to day lives and the choices you have made. That's all we can ask for and if happiness for you means excluding me then I am learning to respect that even though of course, naturally [I am the natural one, not them] it will always tinge my joys with sadness in not being able to share them with with you. Lots of love, nina".
It might make them cry, who knows? I tend to think they are long past that after a decade of putting the phone down on me as soon as they heard my voice...