Do YOU Think People Actually "Love" You? Are They Intimate Friends?

by minimus 28 Replies latest jw friends

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  Tyrone van leyen

  The definition of love to me is caring about, or for someone. This of course can have varying degrees depending on how much the person loves you. One of the problems is that some of us can't love ourselves and are not able to see that other people really do care.

  This is one of the major dilema's faceing those that exit the witness group. Can you really beleive in yourself and other people, after having the rug pulled out from under you, by the very people that are closest to you, and claim to be of god?

  After being out for many years, I have come to the conclusion that there are good people out there that do care, but in general the old expression that if you have 1 good freind in your life you are doing well. In the case of the witnesses usually if something seems too good to be true, trust your gut. It usually is too good to be true.
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  nvrgnbk

  I've pondered your questions for some time now. For me it boils down to logic. I know I would sincerely "give all", die, make great sacrifice for many. Logically, I am sure that many,many others must feel the same towards others as well.

  Here enters the complication. The many disappointments we've all suffered, and sometimes been the source of, have taught us that those we most expect to "go to the wall" for us often don't. On the other hand, we are often surprised by the acts of kindness and altruism of those whom we are little aware of.

  I can't believe that it's all a sham( the whole love thing), but I do think that we tend to, as a rule, misplace confidences and loyalties.

  Nvr
• 

  Casper

  Hi All,

  I haven't posted on here in forever, read it daily tho.............just had to comment on this subject. I stopped going to the hall almost 10 years ago because of... several things.... one particular incident that bothered me ......

  We had a major illness happen in our family..requiring a lot of help from so called "Friends"... Yes, they were there around the clock, day in and out. They took shifts, making a schedule among themselves.

  It soon became apparent that they were only doing it to "Rack up Points" with Jehovah... I did not feel any real feelings of concern from the majority of them. It was as tho they were only doing their duty. A few, very few... mostly the older die hards, seemed genuine tho.

  One so called "Sister" brought a whole pot roast complete with vegetables in a zip lock bag to our house, "Threw" it on the table and said "There" and left.............Ahhh, feel the love... ;-)

  The whole deal really bothered me, since my view of the WTS and being a JW can be summed up in three words.. "A Numbers Game".... !!

  I truly feel my husband loves me, along with my daughters and my Brother, others say they do but, feels kinda iffy.. It's hard to let my guard down and trust people like I used to....

  Please excuse the grammar and punctuation........I tend to write like I talk, county hick... :)

  Cas
• 

  minimus

  Tell me, if YOU were inclined to "be there" for someone and that "someone" never went out of their way for you, would you extend yourself for such a one or would you reason that knowing if the shoe was on the other foot, they wouldn't help you, so why do it for them?
• 

  LongHairGal

  Minimus:

  The "friends" there are only conditional friends. Once you are out of step with their dance routine they start backing off. I can personally attest to this because I am not even "out" but because I am inactive I have felt the chill breeze of shunning. But I do feel sorry for those who have lost family members there. This is a sad loss because family is your blood and they should love you unconditionally. The religion perverts this natural love into something cold and weird.

  As for the "loss" of the rest of the boatload of associates, it is no loss at all. Once you acquire friends on the outside who love you for who you are you will realize the truth of it all and how these false "friends" are not to be missed. To any JW lurkers here: you are just being vain if you believe you will be missed by me.

  LHG
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  misocup

  During my fade only one sister I didn't know very well came by to see me after four months had gone by. At that time I simply stopped going to meetings after my father died. I still wonder if I'm remembering it correctly because it seems so shocking.

  Before my fade we had a bible study at our house, we were regular in service, we had social friends. But when I made the decision to stop going, and I hadn't even told my husband, no one came over. I remember thinking it really showed them for what they were.

  I still have moments when I think no one loves me. I grew up thinking that and now I know why. It's because there is no real love in that org. The WTS control socialization to such a degree that everyone is afraid of being marked for displaying natural affection for those ailing. I now have family and friends that I can count on, and I know love me.
• 

  ninja

  I had a friend once..........once....sniff
• 

  Save My Soul

  My parents taught me a new word, "Unconditional Love". They knew the witnesses were wrong, but they inspired me to success, fulfilling their dreams. I never knew how powerful this word was, until I reflected on their deeds toward others during their life.

  In comparison, I see I have no true friends. It is all conditional upon meeting attendance. I remember after a witness friend asked me to take him to a gathering / party 30 miles away. Being a true friend, I took him. We braved 90 minutes of LA traffic and I even loaned my former pioneer partner $50, that I would never recieve back. The next day, I had about 10 calls from other friends that said how he bad mouthed me for hours at the party (missing meetings, materialistic, worked too much, worldly, will die because of my flashy car......). I knew this man since 7th grade, loaned him money, practiced 3 assembly parts through the years, had JUST gave him a ride.

  People that I work with are more sincere than the great crowd of JWs.

  I only have acquantices and associates.
• 

  zagor

  I don't think too much about it anymore, but when I do think, I have to say I don't think many really do, which is why when someone even does show me what they think I usually shrug it off. I'm an emotional handicap and I have mother borg to thank for it.

  But you're right I don't think anyone gives a damn if I live or die, lol, oh well such is life.

  Hence, my favorite quote "We probably wouldn't worry about what people think of us if we could know how seldom they do" - Olin Miller

  lesson of my life lol