Irish Joke: John O'Reilly

zagor

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said "Heres to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him top prize for best toast of the night.

He went home and told his wife "Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night". She said "Aye, did ye now? And what was your toast?"
John replied "Here's to spending the rest of my life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John" Mary said.

>>>>>>>

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said "John won the prize at the pub with a toast about you Mary."

She said "Aye, he told me, and I was abit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last 4 years. Once he fell asleep, and one time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

oh well might be me Rum today, anyway now you post your jokes ;)

SirNose586

Ok, I have a couple Irish jokes.

***********************

Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

A: One less drunk.

***********************

A man walks into a bar and orders a few drinks. After downing them, he strikes up a conversation with another man next to him.

"Excuse me sir, don't I know you from somewhere? You're from Ireland, aren't you?"

"Yes I am," says the man.

"Yes...yes, and you're from Dublin, County Cork, aren't you?"

"Yes, I do hail from County Cork," says the other man.

"Holy Hell, I knew it! And tell me sir: did you happen to go to St. Mary's?"

"Yes I did! Graduated class of '89 from St. Mary's!"

"Holy Hell!" says the first man. "I graduated class of '89 too!"

Meanwhile another patron at the bar has witnessed the whole exchange and remarks to the bartender, "Unbelievable that two complete strangers could meet by chance in this bar and have so much in common."

The bartender says, "Don't think too much of it. The O'Brian twins are drunk again."

zagor

LOL that was funny ...

ok another Irish joke

How many Irish men does it take to change a light bulb?
~ An entire room full! One holds the bulb and the rest drink whiskey and sing songs until the room spins.

zagor

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins:

* The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

* The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight "Searching for Jesus."

* Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

* Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

* The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

* Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

* Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

* Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

* For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

* Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

* Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

* The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth Into Joy."

* Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

* A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

* At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

* Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

* Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

* Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

* The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility

* Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

* The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

* This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

* Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

* The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

* Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

* The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

* Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

* The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

zagor

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.

Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

SirNose586

Good stuff, Zagor.

Narkissos

LOL. Especially @ the church bulletin gems.

RAF

... ... thanks !!!

Stealth453

A guy thought his wife was cheating on him. He waited for her to
leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following
her, he found out she was working in a whorehouse. The guy says to
the cabbie, "Wanna make a $100?"

The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?"
The guy replies that all the cabbie has to do is go inside the
whorehouse, grab his wife, put her in the back of the cab, and take them home.

The cabbie goes in. A couple of minutes later, the whorehouse door
gets kicked open, and the cabbie starts dragging out this woman who
is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab.
The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and
tells the man, "Here! Hold her!"
The man looks down at the girl and yells to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T
MY WIFE!"

The cabbie replied, "I KNOW. IT'S MINE. I'M GOING BACK IN FOR
YOURS!"

Irish Joke: John O'Reilly

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