Trev just received this article, which is patterned after the Jan 07 wt article "When a child rebels against Jehovah", and the sender thought he might like it for his site, which is where it will be going soon. We thought you guys might like to read it as well. It is rather long, but well worth persevering with.
Remaining Steadfast When Grandparents Shun
(anonymous)
A Christian woman we will call Joy tried to raise her son to love Jehovah God. When he grew up to be a man and educated himself about religion and cults, the son made a personal decision to be no longer associated with his parents' faith. As is odten the case pf Jehovah's Witnesses, Joy reacted as if it was a personal attack against the family. She stated "it was the deepest hurt I had ever experienced, I felt betrayed, broken - hearted and frustrated. I was overwhelmed with negative thoughts". Even though her son assured Joy of his love and that he'd always want his parents to be part of his families life, his parents cut him off completely.
Perhaps you too have tried to persuade your parents that a personal choice of faith is no reason to persecute and victimize an innocent family. The son, whom we will call Rick, recalls "My mom stated that I was dead to her and due to the teaching of the cult she was involved in that my children, her grandchildren, would be struck dead by God at Armageddon due to my decisions". She stated "Your father and I do not want to attach ourselves emotionally when we know that you are all going to be killed by God at any moment". You see the cult has informed them that God (Jehovah) will kill every man, woman and child on the earth for not being Jehovahs Witnesses. This destruction is so imminent that at any moment the sky could turn red and the slaughter could begin.The only way for anyone to survive this bloodbath is to promote the distribution of literature produced by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society based in New York. The more literature you distribute the less likely you will be to face destruction by Jehovah.
As a result "Joy" and her husband in their 70's feel it is more important to "pioneer" (a contract to spend 70 hours each month selling Watchtower literature) than to be any part of their grandchildrens lives.
When a son rebelled in the Bible
A famous story in the Bible is the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) In that parable offerred by Jesus the son didn't just make a decision based on a differrence in faith, but instead outright rejected his family and squandered his inheritance. The father in the story not only provided his son with money (hid inheritance) but remained hopeful and supportive that the son might one day return. Note the commentary offerred in the Scriptures when the son returned, verse 20
So he rose and went to his father. While he was yet a long way off, his father caught sight of him, and he ran and fell on his neck and tenderly kissed him. 21 then the son said to him "Father I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me as one of your hired men. 22 But the father said to his slaves "quick, bring out a robe, the best one, and clothe him with it, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. 23 and bring the fattened young bull, slaughter it, and let us eat and enjoy ourselves 24 because this my son was dead and came to life again: he was lost, and is found"
As noted from the story, that son asked his fathers' forgiveness not only for squandering the family inheritance but for not wanting to be his son. The father in response not only showed that he remained his father throughout his rebellion but that the son remained a member of the family on his return. The forgiving father ordered that a ring be put on the finger of the prodigal. This act showed the favour and affection of the father as well as the dignity, honour and status accorded this restored son.
I this story we illustrated the essence of loyalty that a family should have for one another. This is further encapsulted in the definition offerred at 1 Corinthians 13: 1-8. Notice the eloquent way that real love is described.
If I speak in the tongues of angels but do not have love, I have become as a sounding piece of brass or a clashing symbol 2 And if I have the gift of prophecying and am acquainted with all the sacred secrets and all knowledge, and have all the faith so as to transplant mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing 3 And if I give all my belongings to feed others, and if I hand over my body, that I may boast, but do not have love, I am not profited at all.
4 Love is long sufferring and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up 5 does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked,it does not keep account of the injury 6 it does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things 8 Love never fails.
The thought carried forth is that when real love is present, expecially when dealing with family, there is nothing that could justify shunning or disowning a family member simply because of a choice of worship, and even more importantly when they make poor life choice. When children make mistakes, that is when they need the favour and direction of their parents more than ever. As the rteader can see this is biblically based and is of course a good principle to follow even if you do not accept bible directives.
Prisoners of a Cult
What though of Joy and the reason that in one sense she would be so distraught and on the other hand be so cold hearted and disloyal to her family? Joy and her husband were over the years programmed by a cult. The so called religion uses a form of mind control perfected by the Germans in World War 2. Each week Joy and her husband attend 3 meetings in which they answer questions out of prepared paragraphs. They are commended and told how much smarter they are than any other religion as they recycle the same information over and over again year after year. What was the information? Basically sell literature for the "Watchtower Corporation", or Jehovah will kill you at any minute when Armageddon happens. This is the topic of every meeting and every convention attended by Jehovahs Witnesses.
As a result Joy and her husband live in fear, They are terrorized into thinking that if they do not obey this directive that Jehovah has a horrible death with fire coming out of heaven waiting for them.This is in some ways similar with the charismatic religions that teach the "hellfire" doctrine, in which family members must obey church directives or face eternity in a literal fire which roasts them for ever. Jehovahs Witnesses have simply repackaged this into a "God samshing you to bits unless you obey" our directives.
Directives that destroy families
Sadly those directives don't stop at "sell books for the Watchtower or die". They continue with the way family members are treated if they reject the cult. Note the commentary from an internal journal called "Our Kingdom Ministry" dated August 2002
How to treat expelled ones. God's word commands Christians not to keep company or fellowship with a person who has been expelled from the congregation. "Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person or an idolater or a drunkard or a reviler or an extortioner, or even eating with such a man...remove the wicked man from among yourselves (1Cor 5:11-13)" Jesus' words at Matt 18:17 also bear on the matter "Let the (expelled one) be to you just as a man of the nations and a tax collector". Jesus hearers well knew that Jews of that day had no fraternization with Gentiles and that they shunned tax collectors as outcasts. Jesus was thus instructing his followers not to associate with expelled ones.
This means that loyal Christians do not have spiritual fellowship with anyone that has been expelled from the congregation. But more is involved. Gods' word states that we should not even eat with such a man. Hence, we also avoid social contact with such a person. This would rule out joining him in a picnic, party, ball game, or trip to the mall or theatre or sitting down with him for a meal either in a restaraunt or at home.
This is not talking about non church members per se, but instead the article states:
The bond between family members can be very strong. This brings a test upon a Christian when a marriage mate, a child, a parent or another close relation is disfellowshipped or disassociates himself from the congregation.
This covers about every aspect of someone that might be part of your family. Why would a religion be so harsh in dealing with family members? The reason can be found in preserving the mind control of the group. If members were allowed to have interaction with ex members that have come to terms with cult mind programming then it could cause a mass exodus from the group. So by isolating members from non-believing family they preserve the total commitment to literature distribution without disturbance by demonizing outside family. This is reinforced by direct quotes from this literature that may discourage them from sales. Note this quote from the March 15th 2003 Watchtower:
The apostle John wrote "we know we originate with God, but the whole world is lying in the power of the wicked one" Those words show a basic reason why Christians have a struggle to maintain their faith. When a Christian keeps his integrity,it is to a degree a defeat for Satan the devil. Hence, Satan goes about like "a roaring lion" trying to intimidate and devour faithful Christians. Indeed, he wages war on anointed Christians and their companions. In this warfare, he uses humans who knowingly or unknowingly serve his ends. It takes courage to stand firm against Satan and all his agents.
So the thought offereed is that anyone who does not willingly promote book sales is an agent of Satan. That includes sons, daughters or any family members. The KM of August 2002 went on to give this example of how to treat a family member.
After hearing a talk at a circuit assembly,a brother and his fleshly sister realised they had to make adjustments in how they treated their mother, who lived elsewhere, and had been disfellowshipped for 6 years. Immediately after the assembly, the man called his mother, and after assuring her of their love, he explained that they could no longer talk to her, unless there were important family matters requiring contact. Shortly thereafter, his mother began attending meetings and was eventually reinstated. Also, her unbelieving husband began studying and was later baptised.
So the "example" here is of a son and daughter cutting off their mother until her and her husband agreed to sell books for the Watchtower. As can be seen cult mind control can have a very pervasive influence on victims of the programming. Many former members report anguish at being forced to pretend that they want to sell books for Watchtower in order to get reinstated and for their family to be able to talk to them again. Even after reinstatement, if the family member does not sell books regularly,other family members are directed not to have close association with them.
Remain Steadfast to Protect Your Children
How can a balanced person today deal with grandparents sufferring from cult mind programming, and at the same time raise their children to be balanced members of society? In the scripture offerred at 1Cor13, notice the comment at verse 8: "Love never fails". All children should treat their parents with love and respect. After all, they are the ones that brought them into the world to begin with. So in dealing with parents who are cult members it is important not to confront them in anger when they justify bad behaviour. In most cases when you are completely cut off from your cult family, remember not to let this affect your self esteem or self worth. They made a choice and you are simply trying to live a happy and full life. Occasionally due to old age or bad health cult members will bend the rules and allow limited contact. If so remember to check on them from time to time as to their well being, help them with emergencies and other necessary things that all families do. Whenever they berate you for not being a member simply say " I respect your beliefs and ask that you respect mine". In the event of an emergency or funeral with face to face contact, they may attempt to insult your beliefs or speak judgementally. Simply change the subject or say "excuse me" and walk away for a few minutes to give them time to calm down.
With regard to your children it is important to make them aware that their grandparents are victims of a cult and they are not allowed to act as normal grandparents would. Help them to understand that the reason they never see their grandparents is their choice, not yours.Assist your children thet their grandparents have an open invitation to be part of your lives, and they have refused. Educate your children that cult mind control destriys unconditional love and that is why you would never want to treat them in the same way your parents treat you. By doing this you can instruct your children on the destructiveness of cults as well as reassure them thet you want to be like the father of the prodigal son, and you will never stop being their parents. Often children thet have this frank communication are well adjusted and protected from the influence of cults
To help further, look around your neighborhood to see if there are retired people who would love to have a nice family to befriend. You might share your story with them about how your parents were lost to a cult and and you are looking for adoptive parents to befriend and interact with. There are often many volunteers to fill the void in your family, and helps open your family up to how to show love for others as well.
Take your stand against the Devil
Rligions, particularly cults, often use entities to frighten members into compliance. In this way, Jehovahs Witnesses use the devil to say that anything that impeded book sales is the devil trying to stop you. The sad thing is that the devil is not involved in trying to stop Watchtower book sales, nor if he did exist would he want to involve himself in impeding the evil perpetrated by cults. Help your children understand this while living a full and happy life free of cult mind control, for many have found this to be the best way of life. So when grandparents, due to cult mind programming, try to influence your thinking due to their twisted directives remember: "Remain steadfast when grandparents shun"