The Church Of Toast

by Madame Quixote 14 Replies latest social entertainment

  • exwitless
    exwitless

    And it happened in those days that The Almighty Toaster looked upon the earth and saw only staleness. And He proclaimed, "I shall cause a great flood upon the earth, which no toast has ever seen, and I will smite all the stale toast on the earth. But there was one loaf of bread which found favor with the Almighty Toaster. "I shall spare the loaf of Rye. I shall command him to build a large bread box for him and those in his loaf." And he commanded Rye to build a bread box and gave him the measurements and directions. "You must build for yourself and your loaf a large bread box. It must be 300 cubits by 100 cubits. And you must build a roll-top door on one side. You must go out and gather 2 of each kind of toaster food and bring them to the bread box."

    So Rye proceeded to call out to the male and female toaster foods. And two by two, male and female, they followed Rye into the divine Bread Box. He brought the Texas Toast, the white and wheat toast, Poptarts, Toaster Streudles, Bagels, English Muffins, and Hot Pockets. Two by two they followed him. And when they were all safe within the Bread Box, Almighty Toaster closed the roll top door. Suddenly, the rain began to pour. The Rye loaf and toaster foods were frightened, for they knew that sogginess was the most severe form of punishment from the Almighty Toaster. But they stayed dry and crispy inside their box.

    Finally the rain stopped, and the Bread Box came to rest upon mount Wonder. The roll top door opened, and as far as the slices of toast could see, there were toasters. Red toasters, white toasters, 4-slot toasters, and wide-slot toasters for bagels. They knew then that the Almighty Toaster had saved them and would forever continue to care for their toasting needs, as long as they remained dry and crispy, and avoided the temptations of the evil Toastanus, the Burned One.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    A simple but healthy breakfast for my young son: He was beggin' and eggin' me on to feed him, but all I had on hand was oatmeal. So I made 'em quik oats and he gave me a rye smile and gulped it down like a little gluten. But then, in his haste, he spelt his glass of milk. He was barley out the door, but came back, saying he kneaded some dough for lunch. He ran out, yelling good-bye, but came back in again with a fistful of flours in his little hand and gave me a hug. I'm waffling on what I'll fix him tomorrow, but I've got some thyme on my hands.....sorry - that's another thread.

    Thank you, Made'em Quikoats, for this neat Post Toasties. You're the toast of the town! I never metaphor I didn't like.

    CoCo

  • betterdaze
    betterdaze

    Question: Will the Other Eaters of the Margarine class who are resurrected to Peperidge Farm get to keep their crusts, or will they go crustless?

    ~Sue

  • Little Drummer Boy
    Little Drummer Boy
    Question: Will the Other Eaters of the Margarine class who are resurrected to Peperidge Farm get to keep their crusts, or will they go crustless?

    ~Sue

    And the Almighty Toaster proclaimed to the entire Hoast of Toast: "In that day of my great toastiness I shall bring them forth from the trash can. They shall no longer be stale, but shall be fully risen with my yeast. These are Buttery; my Holy Ones. And they are to be with me, for they are my crumbs, of my own loaf. But I have others that I shall cause to rise. And they shall have my yeast also and rise again. These of the Margarine shall enjoy eternal freshness in Peperidge Farm. Male and female they shall be again as before, for I desire the Earth to be filled with my loaves. And I shall love them also as my crumbs, and they shall be crunchy and toasty. My earthly Toast shall be crustless; for I am their God. They shall show their submission to me in this way for I am their protector and covering. But the female of my Toast, my Toastatas, shall keep their crust. For it is a sign for my Crumbs for all times of my Godly direction. For I desire my Toastatas to be submissive to my Toast as my Toast is to Me.

  • Little Drummer Boy
    Little Drummer Boy
    So how do I know if I'm part of the Buttery Ones?

    SirNose,

    One either has the Butter of Spreading or does not. The Buttery Ones explain that they just "know" that the Almighty Toaster has favored them with the Butter. They say that it is best described as a firmness of the spreading that they did not experience with Margarine - a richer, fuller flavor than before. However, it is not for us, of The Great Hoast of Toast, to decide for each other to which class we belong. We must not judge those who announce that they have been Buttered; we should feel joy for these Most Holy of the Almighty Toaster. After all, whether our destiny is to serve in the Almighty Toaster's presence, or to fill the Earth with His loaves, all those who remain faithful Toast shall be crunchy, delicious, and moistened with a spread.

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