What to tell my daughter? Help me please!

by avidbiblereader 5 Replies latest jw friends

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  avidbiblereader

  Hey everyone just need some extra sayings, thoughts, information and insight PLEASE. My daughter is 22 and has a beautifull 16 month old daughter, my daughter is DF'd and is moving on with her life, she has been for Df'd for 6 years. However she does let her mother watch my granddaughter and help her in babysitting. They have a childcare relationship and that is it. Yesterday, when picking up my granddaughter from her 110% Witness mother, she got into it with her about Armageddon, ME of all subjects and my spirituality, her being DF'd and coming back to "help" both of us.

  My Daughter held her ground but came over crying her eys out with all the judging, hpocrisy and double standards, who gets away with wrongdoing and others are punished, You all know the story, different characters, same lines different stage.

  My concerns are for my granddaughter and how long will it be before she starts to understand her Grandma and her religion. My daughter has made it known don't push the religion on her daughter. I know that this will happen,

  What do you have to offer in words, experiences or insight on why she needs to break of the granddaughter from the Grandma witness, I worry that the emotional damage that could be on my granddaughter as she gets older is going to be too much. I seen my daughter have to go through therapy twice and her mother abandoned her at age 16. I have seen all the times she has cried "knowing the religion" but not having the relationship with her biological mother. How long can you put off the inevitable. Is it time for my daughter to DF the grandmother from the child without using a child as a pawn? Thanks for any insight and have a great week.

  abr
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  confusedjw

  Wow. I would talk to her in question form - this way you aren't coming between them.

  "What do you think it will be like when the grandmother starts putting you in a bad light to your daughter for not serving Jehovah?" - "How will you deal with that?"

  Just let her think about how she will deal with it and come up with a plan. Let her know you will help, if you can, with babysitting and support.

  Oh and I would buy demonic clothes for the child.
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  Confession

  Hi, Avid...Sorry to hear of this situation, but you and your daughter are going to be fine. I think it's probably important not to force her hand, moving her to make the decision you think is right. But possibly encouraging her to make the decision she thinks is right. Confused's suggestion of questions is probably right on. Reminding her that you're there for her--no matter what she decides--will give her a nice grounded feeling, so that she perhaps has the courage to make that tough decision should she need to. Coming up with suggestions as to who'll watch the grandchild would also be practical.
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  kwintestal

  Once my parents chose to start talking to my kids behind my wife's and my back about the JW's by means of a "bible-study" they were not permitted to be alone with them again. Once my parents chose to shun my wife and myself they were told that we could not let them shun us and at the same time see our kids, we can't let our kids think it is acceptable behaviour to us emotional blackmail to get someone to do what they want.

  If your daughter really wants to have a relationship with her mom, but at the same time be left alone (regarding JWism) then she'll have to take a tough stand, but expect the worse because the JW's earned their cult status.

  Kwin
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  tweety

  my concerns are for my granddaughter and how long will it be before she starts to understand her Grandma and her religion. My daughter has made it known don't push the religion on her daughter. I know that this will happen,

  Abr, Just my two cent. I feel that all Grandparent(s) should have the right to see their grandchildren. However, your daughter has the right to say what the grandmother can teach her.

  So my suggestion is: Have the Grandmother sign a written contract that she will honor your daughters request not to teach or as you stated,'push the religion on her..... Thus jepordising any visitation rights.

  When you or your daughter see signs from your little granddaughter that she is talking about 'where Jehovah is' and 'Armagedon is coming' etc....Then the grandmother has broken the contract. At that point your daughter won't be the 'bad person' or feeling quilty for pulling the child away, but thefault lies with the grandmother for breaking the mothers request.

  Tweety
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  avidbiblereader

  Thank you so much for the insight and helpful suggestions and experience, I will put these into practice and season my words. My concern is for my granddaughter as I do not want to see her deal with all the pain and hurt that my daughter has had to. They always go after the innocent and helpless. Hmmm, so did some one who spoke with a forked tongue. This cult sure makes life hard even after you leave it, the tenacles reach far no matter how much you chop them off.

  abr