No life of her own

by onlycurious 13 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • onlycurious
    onlycurious

    Thanks Confession for the great input. The one gal is the type of person that I doubt would shun anyone. When I asked her if she feels like a fish out of water in her family, her answer was a tearful 'yes.' Granted, I was very vague.

    I once even asked her what her mom would do if she were to marry a non-jw or if she were to wake up one day and decide she didn't want to be a jw. She said her mom would 'cry and cry and cry....and then cry some more'.

    I am excited about how I can be useful in her life.

    When I inquired about shunning with the NEW jw, her answer seemed heartless and textbook. It gave me chills.

  • bebu
    bebu

    Very interesting, onlycurious.

    Funny, we are very similar! I"ve also never set foot in a KH, and I'm also a Christian who originally came here to figure out what was going on in my JW friend's head. This board has helped me a LOT. Oh, I'm in WA state too! PM me and tell me which city you're in!

    I had a very good conversation going for a while with my JW friend, but then I backed off because she began to go thru a very painful divorce, and I didn't want to have her look back and think I would take advantage of that weak period of time. Looking back, I don't know if I did the right thing or not.

    If you can let your friend know that you would not shun her based upon her beliefs--even if she joined your church and then later left--you can demonstrate to her what her congregation can't/won't.

    I asked my JW friend one time whether she was more dedicated to God, or to the Watchtower. I asked, "If you ever, in the future, saw that the command of God and the command of the Watchtower were at odds, whom would you follow?" She replied that her loyalty belonged first to God. I think that if you can help your friend state this, then she will be able at some point to have some confidence in her integrity should she ever have to back off from the WT. That is, she has declared who her first allegiance is, and if you can successfully point out to her that the WT often diametrically opposes God, she can give herself permission to follow God even if it takes her away from the WT. At heart, she has not truly changed.

    One of the most impressive people I ever met was one who listened well, smiled, and never judged me in the middle of all my crazy life. I knew from that person something of whom Jesus must really be like, and it affected me deeply. Love your friend as an extension of Christ. Don't worry so much about what you may say.

    Really glad to see you on the board!

    bebu

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    It sounds like that girl might benefit from one of the many "adult child of immature parents" books out there. She needs to separate herself from her family. Here's one: Boundaries and Relationships by Charles Whitfield

    You might benefit from Steve Hassan's "Combatting Cult Mind Control", though it seems, by instinct, you are doing everything right. Continue to be neutral and non-threatening, asking simple questions and backing off if you get the "textbook" answer. www.freedomofmind.com

  • dedpoet
    dedpoet

    Hi onlycurious,

    It seems to me that you are handling this situation very well.

    This girl sounds very similar to many I have known that have been raised in the religion. They go along with it out of a desire to please their parents, but are never completely sure that it is really what they want. I would advise you to try and get her to read on this board as well. Being largely populated by ex jws, it would obviously go against what she has always been taught to come here, but the real value of this place to someone like her is that she would soon discover that she is not alone in her doubts. Believe it or not, many doubting jws go through this, thinking that there is really nowhere to go if they leave the wts. The value of being able to discuss your doubts and fears with people who have had similar experiences simply cannot be overestimated. We all know what she is going through now, most of us have been there, and would be more than happy to offer our help and support.

    dedpoet

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