Welcome here Belmonts!
Sometimes it is hard to get a perspective on life when all those around you are idiots! :-))
Here is a little something from Gary Busselman that might bring a chuckle/tear:
The Truth (as I seen it)
According to Jehovah's Witnesses
by Gary Busselman
GOD is the creator, but since he only created Michael,
and Michael created everything else, ("all other things")
that would seem to make Michael the real creator,
but only in a sense, since Michael is Jesus and Michael said to Satan,
"the Lord rebuke you" makes the Lord powerful over Satan,
however when Michael had to throw Satan out of heaven in 1914
he had to do battle with his own creations, Satan and His Angels,
and in 1918 when he selected Joe Rutherford to be his earthly channel
and had to put the truth in the mind of Joe
so Joe could write the truth in the Watch Tower
and build Beth Sarim.
All this would be hard to understand if it were not for the "salvation" doctrine,
which is easy to understand since the living evildoers
will all be made dead at Armageddon
and the dead evildoers will be made alive at Armageddon,
thus the living sinners will die and the dead sinners will live,
except the dead who are made alive will not really be made alive again
but when they die God kinda makes a sort of computer chip, in a sense,
of all the information in their brains,
like their memories, thoughts, and personality
and keeps this stored in heaven
and the Angels that don't join up with Satan help
and then after Armageddon, God makes a perfect replica body,
and somehow inserts this memory chip in the perfect replica body
and then he will judge that new creation of the old person
who was dead but is now alive, sort of,
by how he treats the anointed who are mostly dead
but are represented by the Governing Body, who are not inspired
but only receive Divine direction,
and by how well he follows the directions of the Organization
and if he sins he dies.
To survive Armageddon, the only way is to be serving God
in the only Organization that has the truth, Jehovah's Witnesses.
The truth is defined as the current teachings of the Governing Body
which largely consist of denying their own past teachings
and condemning views that are held by other groups
that the Governing Body will someday adopt as their "new light"
and "the truth". Serving God is defined as attending the five weekly meetings
of Jehovah's Witnesses, reading all of the weeks lessons before the meetings,
including underlining the answer to the questions at the bottom of the pages
in the paragraphs with a red marker, (yellow highlighter is optional
as long as it is used in moderation) answering any questions you may come up
with by yourself, while you keep those questions secret and to yourself,
by looking up the proper subject headings in the Index published by the Society
and referencing to the proper Watchtower article
while attending meetings for field service
and going out in cars to try to recruit new members into the group
and to solicit contributions to be turned into the group leaders
in exchange for Watchtower publications that members paid for
at the Kingdom Hall using the voluntary donation arrangement
that was adopted after the Society failed in their attempt to defend Jimmy Swaggert
in the Supreme Court of California
after the Superior Authorities fell out of love with him
and charged him with avoiding sales tax on literature sales
and all Witnesses must do this or they die.
Loyalty to "Jehovah's Organization" is important
since surviving Armageddon is contingent on how well
we vindicate Jehovah's name which is really YHWH
and pronounced Yahweh by most Biblical scholars
only since that was changed to sanctify
and it now is to exalt Jehovah's Name, not to vindicate anymore,
and to announce the kingdom that was set up in heaven in 1914 after Jesus
returned invisibly in 1874
and again in 1914 for the separating of the sheep and the goats
by selling Watchtower publications door to door
and then in 1995 this was changed to
not separating the sheep from the goats
but to require all Jehovah's Witnesses to believe
that the separating of the sheep and the goats will be a future event
to begin after the start of the Great Tribulation
except that Jesus had to actually start his judging of the sheep and the goats in 33 AD
and that he only picked 144,000 Jehovah's Witnesses
and the number was filled in 1935
and then the earth was going to be used for the testing ground
for all the re-created dead sinners and Jehovah's Witnesses for 1000 years
because this all ties into the date of 1914
which was arrived at by Nelson Barbour by adding 30 years to William Miller's
failed Apocalypse expectation date of 1844 which was arrived at by adding a
year to the previously failed date of 1843, to arrive at 1874, which when
the end didn't come, he added 40 more years to come up with 1914 which
Charles Taze Russell adopted and changed to 1915 when the Apocalypse didn't
come in 1914 then to 1918 when it didn't come in 1915, then he died.
This is all so simple that a child could understand
especially in view of the fact that the seven trumpets of Revelation
were the seven Jehovah's Witness District assemblies from 1922 to 1928,
starting with Cedar Point, Ohio and ending with Detroit, Michigan,
only they weren't called Jehovah's Witnesses then
but since Jehovah picked them in 1918 he waited until 1931
to give them his name while the generation living in 1914
and of the age of understanding, about 12 or 15, when World War One broke out,
except it had been breaking out for a number of years before 1914,
meaning that the generation that saw 1914 would by no means pass away
before Armageddon started and "by no means"
indicates that the majority would be living and never die
since Jesus told Joe Rutherford that "Millions Now Living Will Never Die"
by an angel and Joe wrote a book about the dead Princes,
Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and others would be resurrected to the earth in 1925
and live in a house he built for them in 1929 in San Diego, California
except he lived in it himself
because he thought the start of World War Two would be the beginning of Armageddon
and then he died.
Usually this is best understood by believing the truth as Nathan Knorr and Fred Franz
wrote about it in the Watchtower since they knew that service was the answer
and that six thousand years since Adam and Eve ended in 1975
and that maybe, might, could, should be the start of Armageddon
but they don't remember writing anything about 1975
and they couldn't say for sure when Eve was created
and besides so many were going to prison because they were loyal to God
by refusing alternative service to active military duty
and no one was taking organ transplants or buying Girl Scout Cookies
and then they died.
Sometimes the truth comes as flashes of light and the vaccinations,
and organ transplants are now all okay and the drafted boys don't go to prison
but stay at home to be elders and pioneers instead of going to jail
and the sheep are waiting and the goats are waiting too
and the generation of 1914 waited too,
then they died.
http://www.freeminds.org/buss/truth.htm
