Do elders and ministerial servants really put their family 1st?

by jambon1 19 Replies latest jw friends

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  jambon1

  When I stopped going to meetings I immediately found myself spending more time with my kids. No Sunday/Monday evenings preparing talks. No Fri/Sat preparing the WT. Not to mention the hours of time getting ready for and going out knocking doors of empty houses. I was a m/s when I left.

  It really does bring in to question the idea that the family doesnt suffer from a brother being an m/s or elder.I think they really do have less time and energy for making decent time for their kids. In our cong their was very few taking the lead which meant that the appointed guys were having talks/book studies/groups for f/s etc, every week, without fail. The pressure on my family and my general outlook was significant.

  Anyone else know any overworked brothers whos family rarely see them? Or is it just common where there is a lack of brothers in an area.
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  vitty

  My husband stepped down from being a MS, the pressure was too much, he was expected to do more than his fair share because he was very capable and didnt like letting ppl down. The problem was we ALL suffered as a family.

  Stupidly it was I who wanted him to stay as a MS, he really had had enough about a year before he stood down. He said he was getting the feeling they were going to make him an Elder..............that was definitely not the way he wanted it.

  I know feel we completely wasted my childrens childhood, with meetings FS and limited friendships, even though we did try to do fun things , there was always so little time.
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  dedpoet

  The elders and servants in my hall seemed to have less and less time for their families as time went on. Many of the wives didn't seem to mind though, as they were very keen to see their husbands progress up the congregational ladder anyway.
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  pratt1

  The families of MS and Elders definitely suffer.

  I spend more time trying to help other people with family matters and preparing for meetings and giving talks and handling general duties around the congo, my own marriage was falling apart.

  But my family couldn't bear the fact that I wanted to step down.
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  Billzfan23

  I just stepped down as an elder (it was announced last week) and I have much more time with my family now than I ever did when I was serving on the body. Go figure...
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  lovelylil

  My hubby was a MS for the last six years we were in and me and the kids never saw him. Between working a 50 hour a week job and his congregation responsibilities he never had anytime for us and the family was very strained due to this. It got so bad right before we left that my son who was 9 at the time used to cry about not having a real dad around like his friends do. As far as getting the kids ready for the meetings or studying with them, I did 100% of that. He really did not have the time.

  Now that we are out, and even though hubby goes to school a few nights per week, we have a lot more family time together. Especially on the weekends. And now my son's friends are jealous of the time he spends with his dad. Lilly
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  95stormfront

  But my family couldn't bear the fact that I wanted to step down.

  I prefer the term "step aside".....

  Being a elder or MS is only a lofty position in their own eyes....not mine!!
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  enlightenedcynic

  All of the families I see where the husband holds a position are struggling. A very good friend of mine who is an elder with a wife and two children looks like he is 45 years old when in fact he and I are both 32! Whenever he sees me he always marvels at how "fresh" I look and how I don't look like a father of two kids. Well, I am not a m/s or elder nor do I want to be despite the elders attempts to get me to "reach out" for further service. How about.....NO!!
  
  
  ec
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  SirNose586

  That time crunch is getting to me too...I juggle FT work, school, and being an MS. Granted, some people have more on their plates, but this all happened in a short time period. They use me a lot because I am consistent and competent--two things that'll make leaving hard for them and for me.

  Last night I saw a movie with my friend, who is older than me, but not yet an MS. I told him when he is approached by the elders to step up (which will happen, whether he wants it or not), that he not make the decision to please other people. I made the decision so that people would not bug me to move up...which was a poor way to make a decision. He tells me he's going to make a decision based on what he wants to do. I told him to never forget that, because they are getting desperate, and they know they have to latch on to every potential elder.
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  BluesBrother

  If they really put family first, they do not stay on as elders or M/S . They cannot.

  As an ex elder , the PO calls a "quick 5 minute " meeting after the Service Meeting . That lasts 3/4 hour usually..... Also there is so much to do, always setting the example . The congregation has to take time away from the family. If he resists, as one elder did of my acqaintance - he had 5 kids- the rest of the body made sure he was removed .

  Such are the politics of the BOE