Do JWs contribute to co-dependency behavior?

by love2Bworldly 6 Replies latest jw friends

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  love2Bworldly

  I was a JW from age 12 to age 21. I also had an extremely dysfunctional family. I am sitting here at work (work is slow) and I am wondering whether there was a bigger influence on me to have co-dependency behavior from my life as a JW or the fact that my family was really messed up.

  I am thinking about the fact that I am soon to be divorced from a second person who has an addictive personality and/or abusive type of personality, and I am wondering how much influence the JWs instilled in me to marry quickly and try to make that marriage work even after finding out how dysfunctional that person is.

  I am not looking for excuses or blame. I know I am the one who made the wrong choices. But sometimes I wonder how much influence the JWs have had on my life of poor choices?

  Any thoughts on whether you think my growing up in a dysfunctional family, or whether you think the JWs had more of an influence on the bad decisions I've made?
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  Lady Lee

  They are both going to be a huge factor. Dysfunction wehether it is in a relationship with one person, in a family or in a larger group is all the same thing, same dynaics, same kinds of controls.

  The more information I read about Rutherford and his idea of what the WTS should be the more I see the alcoholic parent, the abusive partner and the controlling organization.

  A while back I did a series on Toxic Parents (a book by Susan Forward). I had the book and used it a lot with my clients who came from abusive families. The 2-part series presents many of the same issues and problems and how easily you can take information form one situation and apply it to the others.

  Toxic Parents Toxic Religion 1

  Toxic Parents Toxic Religion 2
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  girasole

  Certainly, we cannot blame JWs for all of our faults and flaws, other factors come into play and we are ultimately responsible for our own actions. However, I do think that JWs contribute to this tendency with the constant need for approval from the congregation and from the elders - as well as the constant fear of displeasing others.
  
  girasole
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  love2Bworldly

  LL--I've heard of those books. I think I'll look for them this weekend at the bookstore. I am doing a self-analysis, because I am so frustrated with my life right now and the fact that I keep repeating the same cycles and making the same stupid mistakes. I feel really down right now, I feel like every time I think I've changed or improved my behavior patterns, I wind up in the same place I was before. I've been through counseling already and don't feel like doing more of it right now. I think I just need to become more involved in the Unity Church I am attending and talk to the minister there.

  Anyway, it's Friday and time to leave the office. I'll check this thread on Monday and see what other comments people will make. Have a good weekend all.
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  Lady Lee

  It's just one book but I split the discussion into 2 parts
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  love2Bworldly

  Lady Lee-- wanted to say thank you for mentioning those books. They helped change my life. "Toxic Parents", excellent read.
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  Band on the Run

  I picked up my copy two days ago. it is being donaed to the local library. Someone should update the book.