Does it ever go away?

by Nosferatu 4 Replies latest social relationships

  • Nosferatu
    Nosferatu

    I feel like a whiny little bitch making a post about this. In fact, I also feel like a stupid ranting teenager. However, I'm on the verge of turning 29.

    Today, I was thinking about how much I hate my parents. I remember after I moved away from home, how I realized that they weren't nice people. There's been so many people who have verified that they aren't nice people. My father keeps trying to control me, and my mother thinks that just because she's my mother, it gives her priority over my posessions and my family. I'm tired of it all.

    I don't think people who had good parents can understand people who had bad parents. I have one guy at work who says that parents deserve respect from their children just because they were your parents. I keep getting that bullshit argument, "They clothed and fed you, so you should respect them and be thankful". That's like a man being kept alive solely for the purpose of torturing a human being. He gets beaten and whipped on a daily basis, but since he's fed and clothed by his torturers, he should thank them?

    There's so many things that I haven't told my wife about things that my parents have said. I've stopped myself from telling her to prevent her from blowing up at them at a bad point in time. We have one thing that needs to be settled with my parents, and then we can cut them out of our lives.

    All at the same time, I feel so fucking sad about having to cut them out of my life. I want to love my parents, and I want to have a good relationship with them. But they're the biggest assholes I've ever met in my life. They've brought problems and stress to me and my family. They've broken my trust numerous times, they've ruined my personal property, and they have no respect for my thoughts, opinions, and decisions. If I wasn't related to them, I would have never let them into my life.

    You'd think the fact that I've done better than them would help them realize that I'm doing fine on my own. Ha! After seeing all my accomplishments, they feel the need to come in and fuck it all up for me. "You shouldn't do this" and "If I were you, I'd do that instead".

    I felt rather stupid, childish, and ashamed to inform my boss and two other co-workers about my rotten relationship with my mother to prevent her from comprimising the safety of my child. But what else could I do? She's a JW, and she cleans my workplace. I had no other choice.

    My parents are the ONLY major cause of stress in my life. Finance, my wife, my boy, and my work are miniscule sources of stress compared to my parents.

    I don't want my mother touching my child. I can't stand being touched by her, let alone getting praise from her or even my dad. Their opinions mean nothing. In fact, when I do get praise from my parents, I'm embarrassed by it. I still can't really figure that one out, but I hate it when my parents are proud of me. My mother's touch is like getting touched by the diseased. It's disgusting and filthy. I don't want that near my child.

    I love how they try telling me how to raise my child. If the product of their child-raising years hates them this much, I'll find my own ways to raise my child. I don't need a child who hates me.

    Sorry, this was a long rant, and I could probably go on.

  • tall penguin
    tall penguin

    Hi Nos,

    I just want to say that I hear ya and honor your feelings. You've had one hell of a time with your folks, more than most will ever endure. It's understandable that you feel as you do.

    Will it ever go away? I doubt it. You've suffered a great deal of betrayal. Time and distance may soften your response to them but the reality is that you'll probably always deal with these feelings in one form or another. And that's okay.

    I think you being able to get those clear boundaries will be a huge step in you being able to reclaim your life from these people.

    All the best to you and yours,
    tall penguin

  • sass_my_frass
    sass_my_frass

    Nos, from what you write about your mum, I wouldn't want to be related to her either. I hope that you get to put them out of your life soon. Some people just plain suck.

  • Good Girl or Bad Girl?
    Good Girl or Bad Girl?

    Nos, I'm so sorry. I wish it could just go away, but something tells me it won't, not completely. Because they are your parents. And because that's what we naturally desire as humans, to have a healthy happy relationship with our parents.

    Especially when I hear my girl friends talking about getting off the phone with their moms after a nice chit-chat, or when they have plans to go to lunch or go shopping togehter, does it really hit home that I will never again have that.

    It sounds like you have been through so much and I'm not saying that I've been through the same thing. But my mom has hurt me so much this past year as I've faded, that I don't know if I can ever forgive and forget. Some wounds just run too deep.

    Well, please just know that you can always come here and rant, and you don't have to apologize. You don't have to feel dumb for feeling how you do; it's perfectly justified.

  • BabaYaga
    BabaYaga

    Oh, Nosferatu.

    It is particularly noticeable... and poignant... and hurtful... now that you have Little Nos.

    About your parents... yes, it sucks not to like or respect your parents, but if they cannot be trusted, you have to protect yourself and your family. Don't expect a lot of people to understand that. Some individuals are just too deeply damaged to be trusted. In other words, there are some people who are poisonous.

    You have your own gorgeous little family now. And you have a lot of people who care about you. The hurt will never completely go away, but I should imagine that it will matter less and less.

    I will say this, however... find a way to let go of your anger. My dear friend (and Bishop) told me, "Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." How true that is. She helped me get through my anger and hatred and I love her for it. (I later learned this quote was from Malachy McCourt.)

    Strength to you. Love your new family, do what you have to do. Feel what you feel... but be careful. You at some point (and the sooner the better) need to pity them and forgive them (you can still keep your distance!)

    Hugs to you and your little family
    Baba.

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