I`m not Gay,but I am extremely cheerfull..LOL!!..Theres gay people on the board..JoelBear,ScoobySnax..Maybe they`ll show up..Dido`s gone and I have`nt seen Preston2000 since I got back...OUTLAW
I would love to hear from anyone who grew up in the truth and is gay
by Ragnarökkr 18 Replies latest jw friends
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JWdaughter
Ben, I hope you don't think because you are gay that you must get caught up in the 'gay scene', and more than a single person must get caught up in the 'single scene'. There are lifestyle choices in the gay world, just as there are in the heterosexual world. The WT teachings would leave one to believe that everyone who leaves is some hedonist that attends orgies and shoots drugs all the time. (remember the pictures in the magazines?) Leaving the org. doesn't mean that you have to embrace things that are not you. And being gay doesn't mean being a stereotype either. Many people who have more balance in their lives than most JWs do are aware of that. The gay world has (as you have likely been noticing) a lot of levels. Don't choose one that is uncomfortable to you. You don't have to be around others who make you uncomfortable. I have some gay friends who grew up in it and changed a LOT from when we were teenagers until now-our 40's. A lot of that change was just in realizing that gay people are as individual in their likes, loves and preferences as anyone else. Your basic morals do not need to be compromised. Morals are NOT about who you have sex with.
I am sorry for all the alone-ness you are experiencing. I hope you can find some real world connections that are important to you and that will care about you. There are lots of us all over the world, so I am sure you can find a group of ex-JWs near you, as well as some online here that you can get to know possibly. We will be here for you!
Welcome! I hope you find a nice place here.
Shelly
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diamondblue1974
If you havent already made contact try Britboy http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/member/1656.ashx, I understand he was raised as a witness and understand he is recently married to his partner too.
I will PM him with a link to this thread as well.
DB74
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gay pride
hey how you doing...ya i'm a gay female...and yes it sux wen u grow up a jw and realize u cant do it no more
i feel you completely! same thing...always auxiliary pioneering! volunteering in the rebuilds cleaning and everything...they called me "the princess of all congregations" ...everyone knew who i was. all the guys were in love with me .... blah blah blah... yet... nothing ever appealed to me more than a fine female! lol! i had no one to confide in or talk to. all i did was pray... why was i so different?? why did i just love everything about a female... i tried to do everything to make me different...but u know what... u can only fight it for so long. i know this sounds really bad but o well its my life...
i was 16 and decided...fuck this. i dont care....im not gonna shelter myself. but livin wit my devout jw family i had to wait til 18 to move out n be who i was...i covered up good. i was the "spiritual sister" everyone looked up to.
i played ball all my life...i met this female on the courts...she was beautiful! she played ball too and was the first female who i met who i fell in love with from day 1! we both danced salsa and merengue and bachata and played ball and would always crack jokes! so...since she was wordly the only way i could really kick it with her was to make her come to meetings. she did out of her own free will....i had never told her i liked her. she became my bible study
my family loved her and all my friends...she was part of the group. a few months later...i could tell she was in love with me...more than a friend. didnt think that was possible cuz she wasnt gay at the time. i ended up being the 1st female she ever messed with.
so...left everything i had known for 18 years of growing up including my family to finally be who i was and free and out and oh it felt soooo good!
its worth it! it hurts to say goodbye more than you know....but i'm not gonna give up my happiness and someone i wanna spend my life with over beliefs and others beliefs including my own family. be who you are. dont let anyone change you. only you can make yourself happy! i had to leave the spiritual cover to finally say...this is who i am and i love it. feel free to email me if you wanna talk more!
we're both new on this site! love to hear this topic its really interesting with jw's!
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hambeak
Welcome to the Board I was raised as a Jw and knew I was gay I tried praying to god to change me didn't work I am not a part of the gay scene nor am I stereotypical I have been with my partner now for 20+ years If you want to chat pm me and I will give you my e mail address
I do know and understand completely the isolation and the fear and the guilt one goes thru just remember you didn't choose your lifestyle you were born that way and it is totally natural
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Ragnarökkr
Wow, thanks for all the warm welcomes and replies
To answer a few questions...
Frankly if I wasn't gay, I'd probably still be a JW, have 3 or 4 kids by now and working at dead end job (judging from the outcome of many of my old JW friends). Therefore acting on my inherent sexuality was liberating for me in more ways than one.
I can relate to this. I was engaged to be married, I knew it was wrong, I loved her but didn't find her sexually attractive a bit. Thankfully matters were taken out of my hands when I fell foul of the Elders and she broke off the engagement and marked me. Had I not messed up I may well have gone through with it and ended up as an Elder in a sexless miserable marriage with a couple of kids. I was hurt but relieved when it ended.
Where do you stand on spirituality today? Have you found any group that accepts you without judgement?
Tough question. I left not because of spiritual reasons, I fell foul of the Organisation, I tried to help someone that had been DF'd and got done for it. I just thought "OK Jehovah knows I'm gay and wants me out of his organisation so has manipulated events to do that" and I left. Growing up in the truth and hearing constantly how organised religions have it wrong has turned me against them. I could never go to another church. That doesn't mean that I don't have a spiritual need, I do. I took all the good things from the truth and made them mine, I took all the bad destructive things and I binned them. Those good things have set me aside in the world, most people when asked about me will smile and say I'm a nice bloke.
Acceptance, that’s a different story. Growing up gay in the truth makes a liar of you, you become secretive and you keep people at arms length for fear of anyone getting too close and finding out the truth. Time and time again I would turn down trips to the swimming pool with brothers because of the communal changing rooms lol. Growing up with that fear of rejection and possible isolation has meant that I haven't been able to "come out" to family and friends. Similarly I haven't been able to "come out" to gay friends as an Ex JW. The one time I did the guy freaked and labelled me a religious nutcase and ran as fast as his legs would carry him lol. It is hard enough making gay friends without that stigma attached. So no I don't think I have ever been accepted for who I really am. Even my partner of 9 yrs refuses to talk about my jw past.
It would be nice to meet someone who actually accepted me as a gay man that used to be a JW.
PS: I wish you would have came onboard earlier, I was just in London this past September. We could have met for tea!
Damn, my timing has always been lousy, I could have shown you around London. Same goes for anyone else that's visiting.
Ben, I hope you don't think because you are gay that you must get caught up in the 'gay scene', and more than a single person must get caught up in the 'single scene'. There are lifestyle choices in the gay world, just as there are in the heterosexual world. The WT teachings would leave one to believe that everyone who leaves is some hedonist that attends orgies and shoots drugs all the time. (remember the pictures in the magazines?)
Oh how those pictures used to haunt me, I can remember coming down with colds the days when stuff like that would come up at the group book study
For me the gay scene is a means to an end, a way to meet people like me. Unfortunately I haven't found many. My upbringing has created a barrier between myself and my peers. One by one I have watched my gay mates give into peer pressure and succumb to that hedonistic lifestyle. The London gay scene is notorious for its drug misuse and everyone seems to be hell-bent on self destruction. I'm not like that, I know how to say no which is why I'm still here whereas a lot of the friends I made when I first went on it aren't. Thanks Shelly.
its worth it! it hurts to say goodbye more than you know....but i'm not gonna give up my happiness and someone i wanna spend my life with over beliefs and others beliefs including my own family. be who you are. dont let anyone change you. only you can make yourself happy! i had to leave the spiritual cover to finally say...this is who i am and i love it.
I agree with you 100%. You only get one stab at life, it’s not a dress rehearsal, this is it. The purpose of life is to live it and to deny yourself love is a major sin in my book. As with any type of growth you have to expect a bit of pain, we've both experienced that, loosing family and friends. It’s not easy, it hurts but It is worth it to be who you are and not a shallow loveless husk of a person who has given up his or her life on the basis of a promise.... Who wants to play with pandas and lions anyway !
Ben - London
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NYCkid
So you have partner of 9 years? That's great. My partner and I will celebrate our 9th anniversary next March. I can relate to what you said about connecting with other gays. When I first came out (of both JWs and gay) around 23 ys old, the "lifestyle" (I hate to call it that) was very exciting and alot of fun. I really don't have any regrets other than that it distracted me from attending college right away. But even though it was fun, I never really connected with people on a deep level, partly because I'm shy, because of my JW upbringing and because much of that lifestyle is superficial. It does get easier.
Sorry your partner doesn't like talking about your JW past. That's an important part of who you are. I do know there's alot of gay and lesbian ex-JWs in England who chat on the A Common Bond yahoo group at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/acbgroup/
Best wishes,
Regards,
NYCkid -
JWdaughter
THere is a church here in the states that I think is called the "metropolitan church" that is very gay friendly (if not oriented) and might have people with more of a thoughtful outlook on life than you might find in clubs. Or Universal Unitarian = in Britan. There may be some group that has more of your mindset. You know you aren't the only one like you! Blessings to you, and take care of yourself!
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puck
i'm a gay exjw, too -- but i just "ran away" (across the country, in fact) when i fell in love with a friend and it wasn't good for my state of mind. since then, i've recently come out to a group of old friends who are still (nominally, at least) witnesses, and it's been okay for the most part. my siblings know, and love my wife of five years, but my parents haven't been told yet, although i'm certain they're aware. whenever we do talk, pretty much all discussion of my personal life, except for work, is avoided.
i was also a pioneer and engaged to a fine young brother, but broke off the engagement three months before the wedding. i'm glad i did. i feel so much more whole and happy "living in sin" -- monogomously, faithfully -- than i ever did when i was hiding in the congregation.
my wife talks with me about my religious upbringing and it's helpful to see things from a different veiwpoint than what i grew up with my whole life. it was a tough road, but it got me to where i am today, and for that i am grateful.
-- puck