How do I explain my Jehovah's Witness past to a potential mate? (page 2)

OUTLAW

I`m sitting here laughing my ass off..This thread is getting funny..Fe2o3Made a good point with a humerous twist..Wanderer replyed with a comment I thought was good backhanded humour..James woods came up with:you can`t pick a mate like you would a pair of shoe..That is so true and funny..I think many JW`s miss out on a real courtship..Everything is so sterile and monitored in the JW Cult..So far a great thread..LOL!!...OUTLAW

OUTLAW

Wanderer..You were`nt joking..???..Thats even funnyier..LOL!!..I`m really starting to like this thread..LOL!!...OUTLAW

The wanderer

Okay, Outlaw, I did not
realise my life was that
entertaining to you.

The Wanderer

Fe2O3Girl

OK, Wanderer, yes, I am a nasty piece of work. But do you think that there is any link between language and thought patterns?

Now I have read the paragraphs and found my highlighter, I'll try to answer:

Can any one share some advice on finding a potential partner/spouse/lover and disclosing your past to them?

I told my husband my JW past on our first date, but only because he worked with someone I went to school with, and I wanted to tell him myself. It isn't, in any case, something you can hide for long, so better to share early on.

I met my husband in a nightclub, but people meet up and fall in love in all situations - work, clubs, church, neighbours, mutual friends, waiting for a bus.......and message boards.

How did you successfully handle it? Or, did you?

It is the past for me, but will be a factor in my life as long as my parents are in. Bear in mind that most people don't think JWs are nearly as important as JWs think they are. So most people aren't going to faint with shock.

Would you try sites such as e-harmony, match.com or would you consider an ex-witness first?

I think the advantage of using an introduction service is that you know that you are meeting people who are looking for someone, and you can filter out everyone with "Crazy" in their username. I don't think that there is an automatic advantage for relationships between XJWs - yes, you have a shared frame of reference, but on the other hand you have twice the baggage. My husband is normal, and it is nice to have normal in-laws.

I would also like to add that I have not found that the Watchtower was right about normal people being immoral. I embarrassed myself often as a newly exited XJW by assuming that everyone was a swearing drinking fornicator. It isn't true.

Finally - I never found a great relationship until I had sorted myself out. Finding someone to fix me never worked.

Best wishes -

Rachel

kid-A

"Admittedly, though, I loved the standard of high morals that I applied in my life as a Jehovah's Witness and still adhere to them. And, I would love to find someone with the same nice qualities that I am used to."

First, JWs neither teach nor apply "high moral standards", so that is the first misconception you need to let go. JWs simply pervert normal, healthy human sexuality into something "sinful" and "immoral". There were more teen-age pregnancies and underage sex going on in my old circuit then there were in my "wordly highschool". This is what happens when you are brainwashed to believe that all expressions of healthy sexuality are evil and sinful. You need to de-program the Watchtower inculcation against everything normal and healthy in a human sexual relationship. You are 39. The best years of your life are slipping away. You have some serious shagging to catch up on. Like all good things in life, just practice safety and take it slow. Even if you dont want to engage in sex before marriage, there are plenty of women out there that would be likely to find this OK.

Second, avoid ex-JWs. One ex-JW has enough emotional baggage let alone two ex-JWs. Find a nice, well adjusted "worldly" girl to get involved with. Finally, if there is real chemistry, the person will not care less about your religious background. In fact, most non-JWs find it rather interesting to hear the tales of us ex-JWs as we attempt to re-integrate into normal society.

gordon d

Hi Wanderer,
I feel your pain... but Outlaw makes a good point, Nobody gives a s###.
If you'd like someone who does give a s###, find a nice ex-dub girl.

As a happily married man to a real princess (that was never a Dub) it is possible. The nicest surprise is that even though she never accepted the authority of the FDS, she still LOVES Jehovah with her whole heart and lives her life according to the principles and morals that Jesus and the Apostles outlined for us.

If you do start a relationship, perhaps the best way to convey who you are and where you've been is to take a que from Dale Carnegie and place her in a first person position. Maybe some analogy like:

Have you ever been in a hurry, driving, trying to get somewhere but you didn't exactly know where it was or how to get there? Have you ever had someone who "acted" like they knew where that place was give you bad direction and send you so far out of the way that you became completely lost?

Basically, your past put you in the category of someone who has been in an abusive/controlling relationship... I think many women are very sympathetic to this and providing that you have regained your independence and objectivety (basically a better man from your experience) and most importantly let her know that you are never going to fall for something like that again, I think she could see you as an ideal partner.

Just be prepared for having a Christmas tree in your living room! And stock up on puppies for all the sacrifices!

The wanderer

Thank you Rachel:

Again, I wish to apologise both
in public and in private.

My mistake no hard feelings please.

Thanks again,

Richard

OUTLAW

Wanderer..Your threads are entertaining..Threads take on a life of thier own..Nice to have you posting them again...OUTLAW

The wanderer

Thank you too Gordon!
Points well taken.

Richard

P.S. I love Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends & Influence People"

moshe

I learned early on that the way avoid problems with dates is to NEVER mention anything about your JW history. I was married to my wife for 4 years before some relative let it out that I was once a JW . I never expained myself and the subject has never come up again.

How do I explain my Jehovah's Witness past to a potential mate?

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