Should I ask my...... (page 2)

lovelylil

yes. children have the right to be financially supported by both parents and because many courts recognize this truth many will not even allow a custodial parent to sign away the child's right to recieve this money.

The courts will take into consideration your ex's ability to pay and will fix an amount based upon her income. If you do not need it for day to day expenses then why not put it away for your child's future and college maybe?

Just because your ex is a women does not mean the same rules should not apply. The child support is for your child, not you so don't feel guilty about it. Most parents would want their children to live the highest quality of life available and lets face it - you need money to do it. Lilly

juni

You and your ex are to be commended Nikki for doing things right by your kids.

ex for child support? Its not that I can't support him with what I make, but I feel that it is her obligation to help. I know she is struggling right now, so I have reserved the rights for child support. I guess from a man perspective it feels funny to ask

I don't know what IL laws are in divorce matters only Wisconsin. I know of a case where the man has a terminal illness involving the brain. He has a daughter w/a girlfriend to whom he owes child support even though they are not married. When he fell behind on child support payments, there were no excuses accepted. He owed that back support so he had to sell some of his possessions that would give him some $ to pay her.

I assume your ex 's support to your child was court ordered? In Wisconsin you would not be forgiven your obligation to pay even if you LOST your job. One had better find a way to get that money paid up to date. She would be in contempt of court. They don't like to put women in jail - if a guy is in this position of not paying - he would be thrown in jail in a minute.

SO - it's good that your are being civil for the sake of the your son, but like you said you could be putting that $ in an account for college for him. Don't let your ex walk over you. For the father to get custody is very rare so there must've been some issues on her end that were definitely not good. I know you want to keep the peace, but my son in law and daughter are in the mortgage business and the housing market looks grim for some time. She should be looking for some other job to fill in in the mean time and start paying.

Wish you the best!

Juni

blondie

How much you pay in Wisconsin can be changed but must be by court order since the original amount was court ordered.

http://www.dwd.state.wi.us/dwd/publications/dws/child_support/dwsc_864_p_1.htm#Changing_Your_Support_Order

Changing Your Support Order

I cannot afford to pay the amount of support that the court has ordered. What can I do?The child support agency may do a review of your court order if you can show that there has been a substantial change in circumstances. (For example, if your place of employment closes, or if you now have equal placement of your child. Any change in placement has to be approved by the court in order to be a substantial change in circumstance.)

If it has been more than three years since your order was set by the court or last reviewed, you may ask your child support agency to review your court order. (Every three years, the Bureau of Child Support will send a notice to you and the other parent to remind you of your right to ask for a review of your child support order.)

If the child support agency finds that the order is too high or too low, the agency will ask the court to change the order. The agency may write up a stipulation (legal agreement) for an order change and ask both parents to sign it. An agreement made by the parents must also receive court approval to be valid.

It is important to tell your child support agency about substantial changes. Only a court can change the order, but your child support agency may be able to help you.

When reviewing a support order, the agency and court will take into account whether or not the change in your earnings is due to a change in your “ability to earn.” For instance, your ability to earn might change if you are laid off from your job. However, if you decide to reduce your hours to part-time, your ability to earn has not changed. (Click here for more information about “ability to earn.”)

If you believe your order should be changed, but the child support agency does not agree, contact your family court for information about how to ask the court to review your child support order. Some courts have a "do it yourself" (pro se) package available that you may use to ask the court for a review. You and the other parent may reach an agreement on your own. The court or family court commissioner can provide the state court form for the agreed changes in family court cases. You may also hire a private attorney to help you. Click here for court forms.

Country Girl

Every child is entitled to support by both parents, be it financial, physical, emotional, etc. Perhaps you could have it worked out that while she does not have steady employment, you would receive a small percentage each month of whatever income she *does* bring in; in addition, to ease some of the burden on yourself, you may also work some alternative care plans: she could take your child every weekend; for longer in the summers; etc. You could be really creative with it!

CG

daystar

KK's got it.

I am in a similar situation to you. I asked for child support from my ex-wife. She agreed to it and what she had to pay was based upon what she made at the time. It was not that much really. Since then, she has not paid but a miniscule amount. She fell on hard times, self-induced, and while I've been tempted to waive the back child support and start over, I'm not going to do that. She needs to take responsibility for her decisions and her actions.

What advice would you give a woman in your situation?

JWdaughter

She is the woman who gave the children life. She should be involved with the day to day business of keeping them that way, and as she isn't the caregiver, that way needs to be financial. She needs to be contributing-for their sake(emotional) and hers (self-respect). Even if it is small, it should be regular and expected and used (for their education as suggested). Later on, when she gets things together and wants to be more involved as their 'mom' it will be beneficial to all parties if she has done her part, even if it is small finanically.

My brother in law and his brothers had a single dad raise them when the mom was local. She pretty much abandoned them in every way, but would show up for holidays occasionally. None of them has anything to say to her now and she suffers for it, but she deserves it.

If the woman is a decent woman, she will want to provide for her children in some way. Maybe you can help her find the way that will work for everyone.

kerj2leev

I also think if it is done in a more formal setting then it will be a protection for both of us. There will be a record of her contributions no matter how large or small.

Thanks for all your advise, sometimes you need good women to tell you to get some balls!! lol

kerj2leev

Well just an update on what happened when I asked.

She doesn't think that it is a formal setting is needed to contribute to her son. She says she has no money and when she does she would give what she could. I could tell she was very irritated by our discussion, at one point wanting to get her attorney invovled.

I talked with my attorney who told me to back off, since we have court on Friday. Right now I have reserved the right for child support, based on her financial state. I think my attorney just wants us to get the divorce final and go from there. Which I totally agree with....so we shall see.

Should I ask my......

Changing Your Support Order

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