Hate Nosey Dubs!

by Woofer 8 Replies latest jw friends

  • Woofer
    Woofer

    My son's father and I are divorced. My ex still an active dub. My son (age 13) asked me if he could go to the movies last Friday with some of his friends from school and a parent of one of his friends was going with the group. They were going to see The Grudge 2. I looked to see what it was rated, PG-13, so I said ok. I dropped him off and he called me when the movie was over.

    Long and behold, a couple that goes to my son's hall sees him going into The Grudge. They wasted NO TIME in calling my ex THAT NIGHT and reporting their findings. My ex left a semi-nasty message on my son's phone telling him that he knows what movie he went to see and that he will be grouded when he goes to his dads. Why do they have to be so nosey and get my son into trouble????

    A little background: My son went to go live with his dad last year. He had been going through this phase for about 3 years when everytime he was mad at me or didn't like my house rules he would say "I want to live with my dad!" His dad took me to court 2 years ago to try and get custody of him but my son ended up telling the judge that he was just mad at me and that he wanted to stay with me. I was relieved, and a little upset with him because that cost me about $900 in attorney fees - which I had to put on my credit card because as a single mom, I didn't have the extra $$$ laying around. Last year he pulled the same stunt with me again and this time I just said "You want to live with your dad? Then you can". I didn't have the money for the attorney again as I was still paying off the attorney fees from the previous year. We now have a shared parenting arrangement which works out fine, we live about 10 minutes from each other. He doesn't pay me child support and I don't pay him any either.

    My son is now seeing that living with his dad was a mistake. He admitted to me that he is miserable. I told him that I just want him to have a "normal" childhood - something that I NEVER had. I told him that going to movies with his friends is NORMAL. I told him to not let his dad and step-mom pressure him into getting baptized, especially if he is not sure he wants to be a dub for the rest of his life. He will be 14 in December and I think thats about the time that the pressure hits for getting baptized. I cried and cried last night for my son - I feel so terrible that he is going to get into trouble for something that is a normal part of growing up. I guess the good thing is that he is having doubts now about wanting to be a dub.

  • kerj2leev
    kerj2leev

    I feel bad for your son, obviously he is having a rough time with your decision to leave! Both his parents have moved on with new relationships and he may be feeling a lack of attention from both. This parenting arrangement may be working for you be what about him.

    I don't think it was the decision to go to moves with friends that is the issue! Next time you may want to make a better choice in what movie he goes to see. I know "worldly" people who would have a hard time letting their son of 13 to go to a movie like that. I'm sure if it was a different movie then there wouldn't have been such a big issue.

  • ButtLight
    ButtLight

    I know exactly what your going through with your son. Mine did the same thing, only he was stuck living with his dad. I live in wisc., he lives in FL. He did regret moving, but I made him stay there so his dad could whip him back into shape. (not literally) He finally moved back with me. I personally think there is nothing wrong with a 13 year old watching the grudge, but I have not raised my kids in the "truth" either. It may be harder on a kid who thinks demons are going to come out of a tv and get him lol

    I also think that since you allowed him to go, your son should not be punished by his father.

  • Woofer
    Woofer

    I didn't see anything wrong with the movie either and I am perfectly fine with the choice I made.

  • ButtLight
    ButtLight
    I didn't see anything wrong with the movie either and I am perfectly fine with the choice I made.

    My son saw it last year at age 11. He didnt have a problem with it and neither did I. Have you seen it yourself? It is rather creepy, but I love those kind of movies. I guess its up to each parent to make that choice of whether or not they feel their child can handle it mentally. Some say its not healthy, some just say, its a movie, its not real!

  • Woofer
    Woofer

    I did see the first one (and so did my son - we rented it), but have not seen the second one yet. I did not find the first one all that freightening, in fact my son described the second one as "dumb" and not worth wasting money on.

    I would not permit my son to see a Rated R movie, but since this was PG-13 (and his is 13) I thought it would be fine. When I was a dub I used to believe that watching movies about demons was "inviting" them into your house, but I don't believe that crap these days.

    The only time my son goes to the movies with his school friends is when he is with me, and it honestly is not that often (a few times year). He knows going with his "wordly" friends is a treat.

  • kerj2leev
    kerj2leev

    Well you maybe fine with your choice, but you did say it was a shared parenting arrangement. Which means the father does have some say in the matter! Communication between you and your ex is key, each one compromising for the good of your son. You may not like the way he wants to raise him and he may not like your choices, but the sad part is who's the victim.

  • Woofer
    Woofer

    Who said my son was a "victim"??? My post was about people from his hall calling his dad to report back to him on seeing my son enter a movie that I approved of him to see.

    I'd like to know how you can make all these comments from a 3 paragraph post by me, since you know nothing of me, my son, my ex and our living arrangement other then it is shared parenting.

    Please keep your derogatory comments to yourself!

  • kerj2leev
    kerj2leev

    Well your son is the victim, since he is the one that is going to be punished. From what you posted it seems your son is having issues with the break-up of your family. Though you have moved on and are happy this may not be the case with him. So he is also a victim in that case.

    How are my comments on communication derogatory!

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