Such Pharisees!

by Dawn 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • Dawn

    I guess I'm gabby mouth tonight but had to share another story with you all that happend over the past few weeks. I know this is long -but you might like the ending!!

    My brothers are both elders, I'll call them brother A and brother B. Brother A disowned my mother since our dad passed away, because he's mad at things that happened when we were kids. Apparently it's easier to take it out on Mom now because Brother A couldn't stand up to dad - but that's another story.

    It's a while since dad passed and Brother A refuses to return her emails, phone calls, help her in any way. I, on the other hand (being the evil df'd person and all) was helping our parents out even before dad passed.

    My husband and I paid have paid quite a bit of $$ to remodel the house for them (badly needed), have given her money every month, and go there quite often to help her out with things she needs or just be there for her because she gets lonely - being a widow and all. My other brother - Brother B (also an elder) sends her money too -and in his defense, he can't do much else because he lives a very long ways away.

    So I had enough of Brother A's bull**** after her sent her a rather hurtful email about how he wanted nothing to do with her. I responded with a letter to him in which I quoted scriptures about how we are supposed to care for our parents "especially those in the faith" (being that she is a JW too) and scriptures about forgiveness. I basically told him that if he refused to follow clear counsel in the bible then he was in no position to remain an elder and hold himself in judgment of others. Now Brother A is quite upset about the letter and Brother B feels it was inappropriate for a disfellowshipped person to counsel another elder.

    Brother B acknowledged that everything I said was correct - but it was inappropriate for me to say that because I was DF'd . So I guess it's ok to disregard bible counsel - just don't use bible counsel if you're DF'd. GOOD GOD - can they not see how much like the Pharisees they are!

    Now Brother B's wife feels that since Brother B is an elder and I am a DF'd person, brother B should be in charge of Mom. Problem is - Mom is capable of taking care of herself and doesn't need anyone to take over - she just needs a little help (she's in her 70's). So Mom was upset that everyone may be trying to tell her what to do with her $$ and feeling like she shouldn't spend any more than she has to or Brother A, Brother B and I would have to spend our own money to take care of her .

    So I told Mom - look - Brother A, Brother B, and I have enough $$ and we don't need for you to save yours for us. I told Mom that the best the she could do was use that $$ now while she still could to enjoy what life she has left.

    Turns out - she says she really wants to go back to "an undisclosed location" that she went to when she was younger. So Mom and I are planning a trip somewhere exotic (I'll pay my own way of course - and also help mom out with her costs) - but we're not telling brother A or Brother B. Mom is excited and checking airfair prices.

    Isn't that hysterical!

    I know one day I will stand before my God and have to answer for a lot of things I have done in my life. And man is there a lot I have to answer for! (we'll be there a while so I hope you don't have to stand in line too long behind me ) - but at least on the issue of my mom he will be able to look at me and say "Good Job!"

  • nsrn

    Really good job!!!! Fantastic!!! So IF brother B had sent that email and said exactly the same things, he wouldn't be offended? I guess you could offer to explain your family issues in front of a judicial committee, concerning the matter of whether he is qualified to serve. Depends on how catty you are, I guess. But my guess is you've stirred the pot enough for now.

    How wonderful that you are taking a trip with your mother! I'm guessing Hawaii? Have a wonderful time and take lots of pictures!

    In my family, my brother (dissassociated) lives far away but is very helpful with my parents (money, phone calls, little gifts, visits every 2 months, fixes drippy faucets, etc) My sister (in good standing), however, lives about 1 1/2 hr away. Says she's coming almost weekly, but something comes up. She's been to see them twice in the past year. And then she wants money. Sits around, acting like a guest. Suspected klepto.

    Me? I live 7 miles away. I take them to every Dr. appt., give mom her shower 3 times a week, dress her, do their laundry, clean house, mow, manage their mail order prescriptions, program the remote control, call the exterminator......

    Mom broke her shoulder 8 weeks ago, Let's just say it's been a LONG 8 weeks.

    Tell Brother A to get his A** over there and clean that toilet, bag up and burn all the trash, clean out her garage for winter, and check the furnace filters. (Men seem to NEED a list). Then when he's done, he needs to take his momma out to supper. MONTHLY.

    Just my suggestions, from another martyrred caregiving daughter...

  • Mary
    Now Brother A is quite upset about the letter and Brother B feels it was inappropriate for a disfellowshipped person to counsel another elder.

    Yes, didn't you realize that with you being DF'd, that you're now automatically a liar and a worshiper of Satan?

    Brother A's attitude does not surprise me.....I noticed he couldn't refute anything you said to him, he just moaned about a DF'd person counselling an elder.....what a dickhead.

    Good for you that you're planning this trip with your mother!! You're right----we're all going to have to stand before God one day and give an accounting of what we've done.

  • juni

    Good morning Dawn! Beautiful avatar you have posted.

    That's some story. Enjoy your trip with your mom. I'm happy that she and you have a good relationship together.

    I know there will be a lot of JWs very surprised on Judgment Day.

    Until that day - - whenever/whatever -- enjoy each day to its fullest.


  • MidwichCuckoo

    Hope you have a great time

    Just curious - is this a 'secret' trip - (your Mum being a Dub, and you d'fed).

  • fullofdoubtnow

    I hope the two of you have a great trip.

  • SadElder

    I'm surprised he didn't play the trump card (call it corbin), I have to spend my time, money, resources, health, etc. for the Society. These holier than thou folks just make my blood boil.

    Why don't you write another letter to Brother A, ask him if he'd prefer that you communicate with the Service Dpartment (aka Bethel CIA) and then they can communicate with him directly. That will for sure get his goat. ...and then follow through with it, send a letter to Crooklyn.

    If you're feeling a little upset by things you've done in the past, please go read Micah 6:8.

    Have a great day

  • Lady Liberty
    Lady Liberty

    Dear Dawn,

    You truely are a loving daughter! The things you told your brother were things he already knew he should be doing in his heart. And for your other brother counciling you? We'll let us just remember the Bible account when Jehovah told Abraham to "listen" to Sarah! Who's actions would Jesus approve of? We have ALL done MANY things in our past that we are not proud of. I am sure your own brothers have sckeletons (spelling??) in their own closets they would rather no one knew of either. I am sure what you have done in defence for yuor parents and now your mother is fine in God's eyes. Your brothers need to get off their "high horses" and come down to reality!!

    You see your brothers attitude is just like mine! My husband were VERY regular and active in the coongregation. He was a MS and I pioneered every year. Yet my younger brother and his wife were irregular, and even at one point quite going to meetings all together for a year. Funny how I never called "them" an apostate! Yet now that our whole family except him and his wife have left the borg..and are NOT D'fs, nor D'ad, he now is fairly regular from what I am told and will have NOTHIN to do with his parents let alone family. He put up his hand and told my mother "No Mom No! You are an apostate!" when she saw him breifly at Wallmart. And I am consistantly hearing that him and his wife are major contibuters to the spreading of lies and gossip about our family!

    So now... he feels he is better then us. Because we are no longer JWs, he feels all cocky that he is the only one still in the organization. It makes me sick! He is such a hypocrite!! Can they not see how that God sees everything, and that they will be accountable for their actions??

    Anyhow.. I guess I needed to vent. Hang in there, you are NOT alone. I admire your courage and your determination to do what's right! By the way, have a WONDERFUL vacation!!!


    Lady Liberty

  • juni

    Hi Lady L.

    In the cong. it's all about stepping on your brother's shoulders to push him down in order to get yourself higher.

    Really in the cong. it's every man/woman for themselves. Survival of the fittest??


  • bebu

    Good job!! Enjoy the planning and the secrecy.

    I'll bring some good reading if I have to wait in line long...


Share this