Well thanks for all your thoughtful replies.
I am really quite surprised by the position that many of you have adopted, namely that a materialist asking how others' caims can be reconciled to a materialist view of the world exhibits intolerance. I had really not expected that reaction, but if I am calling into question deeply held convictions about experiences of a spiritual nature I suppose I should have anticipated it. I was really hoping to hear from Narkissos and Jgnat as well, as I suspect they may have interesting perspectives on this issue. Maybe they can still weigh in at some point.
Some seem to be arguing that I have no right to ask such a question, and that by doing so I am displaying intolerance. I should just accept that while I find the supernatural hard to credit, others are perfectly reasonable to believe in things I believe are not reasonable. No advice is given as to how I should go about juggling such contradictory convictions in my head, I am simply presented with the implication that to do otherwise is not decent. One poster even has the strange notion that not maintaining these contradictory sets of convictions would result in cognitive dissonance when in fact the opposite is the case: cognitive dissonance would result precisely from unrealistically trying to force myself to believe both in materialism and in the reasonableness of accepting others' supernatural experiences as real encounters with other beings.
I really have to take issue with this idea that materialism is an intolerant worldview. Since rejecting the Witnesses' beliefs I believe I have become much more tolerant of others' points of view. Especially where it is clear that there is no right answer we should live and let live: hairstyles, political views, sexual mores, ways of bringing up children, what is a "worthwhile" passtime and complex moral issues to do with property and the use of violence. I have come to accept that there simply are no right and wrong answers to many such issues, and that in many areas our understanding is completely socially constructed.
At the same time I have not become a total relativist either. I don't believe it is a matter of opinion, for instance, that water boils at 100 degrees celcius at sea level. Nor for that matter can mathematical rules be said to be the result of knowledge that is merely socially constructed. Certain laws of nature would hold whether we were aware of them or not, whether we are there to observe them or not. I do not believe that the supernatural can in any way be said to fall into the former category of things about which humans merely have opinions and no real objects obtain. It is a pure nonsense to say that whether there is an afterlife or not should be viewed as a mere matter of opinion in the same way that choosing a political party at election time is a matter of opinion. Either the square root of 16 is 4 or it is not; either there is an afterlife or ther is not; either there is a God or there is not.
I find it really hard to understand that some seriously believe that we should just somehow accept that the plurality of views on materialism versus supernaturalism are equally valid. Are they really saying that there is no real answer to the question whether there is an afterlife? Do they contend, for instance, that somehow angels can both exist (for believers) and not exist (for nonbelievers) at the same time? Really? If I believe my neighbour owns a cat, give it a name, and even call out to it now and again in passing, even though my neighbour states that he has no cat, should we really be satisfied with resolving the matter by saying: for you there is a cat, and for your neighbour there is no cat - just leave it at that and do not question each other further on the matter, you have your own beliefs after all, and we must be tolerant of each other. Perhaps believers may be offended by such a trivial comparison, but in principle there is no difference: either God, the devil, fairies, angels, goblins, pixies, ghosts or the neighbour's cat have existence or they do not.
Perhaps when many talk about there being no absolute truth in such matters though, they really don't mean what they are saying. Perhaps it is a call for pragmatic relativism, rather than an outright assertion of absolute relativism. I have not seen any posters take this stance, but if it is underlying what some of you are contending then I can see how this is a more reasonable position than the absolute relativist position. Maybe you feel that while in principle there may be a definite yes or no answer to supernatural claims about various beings on other planes of existence, in practice we must accept that humans at this point simply do not have access to data that would allow us to draw definite conclusions on the matter. In that way the case can be made for simply agreeing to differ on such issues, all parties concerned conceding that while they may have suspicions one way or the other, no one can be sure about such things and so should not be dogmatic or judgmental. I can see where that point of view comes from, and I have a lot more respect for it than for the absolute relativist claims of those who genuinely maintain that differing realities somehow obtain at the same time.
However, I think even the pragmatic relativist position flounders somewhat when we consider how important the issues involved are. Just consider if/when someone claims to have found a cure for cancer how should/do others react? Is it not reasonable for others to look for verification, inquire how the cure was arrived at, the methodology, the case studies? Over such an important issue in most lands the governement would get involved in verifying or disproving such claims, and rightly so for it would affect the lives of so many one way or the other. Now I am not in any way saying that goverment can arbitrate in "spiritual" matters, but I am saying that those who claim spiritual experiences should expect that such important assertions be investigated by their peers. After all, if someone claims to have had direct access to the almighty then, if we are truly taking the claims seriously, are not the ramifications of such a discovery many times more siginificant than even a cure for cancer? If claims of a cure for cancer are rightly put under the spotlight, how much more so should claims of a particular approach to an unseen Deity!
In fact it would rather be an insult to believers and to those who claim "spiritual experiences" if us materialists did not seek properly to investigate them. If we simply agreed to differ without discussion that would be like patting a person on the head who verbalises belief in the tooth fairy, "well if she is real to you.." How such an attitude can be promoted as liberal or "tolerant" I can't fathom. Just because the issues involved are difficult and emotive doesn't mean we should avoid grappling with them, it means we should tackle them all the more!
Slim