Blood directive--My mom is going into surgery

by JWdaughter 2 Replies latest jw friends

  • JWdaughter

    Hi, p>Has anyone here ever had a JW friend or relative who was angry later that at a critical time people respected there blood directive? My mom is going into surgery for a large hernia repair next week. Of course she has a no blood directive(the hardcore version), and I have agreed to respect it (although I can't vouch for my siblings). In any case, I am, for some reason, more anxious about this surgery than some of the others she has had (probably other family health things going on that is making me anxious).

    In any case, I am thinking the other day-I wonder how strong her faith really is? What if she had a problem and they told me she should really have a transfusion and I refuse because of her stated wishes? Then she barely squeaks by and is later mad at me for not trying to save her life(she is very focused on what us kids will inherit, and she mentioned to me the other day that I shouldn't feel guilty about planning on how to spend my inheritance when she is dead!!!). I am halfway convinced now that she thinks we all have it in for her or something-because her life insurance is paid up or something.

    Any experiences?

  • jgnat

    Not on blood directives, but I have lots of experience with a manipulative mother.

    First of all, don't tie yourself in knots trying to second-guess your mother's deepest desires. If she's too stupid to express them, you can't be held accountable. She said 'no blood', honor it. The medical staff will have to, anyways.

    Second, what is with her holding your inheritance over you? My mom went through this for several months, trying to play one sibling off the other. Every week she changed who was executor, who got what. I guess she wanted to find out which of us was most loyal, or greedy, or something. During that time I didn't visit her more often or change my attitude toward her in any way. Finally, she called me up and told me it was all going to charity. "That's nice mom." is all I said. She never brought up my inheritance again. Your independence and honor is worth more than money. Next time your mom brings up the inheritance, tell her your love for her transcends any thoughts of materialism, and you'd care for her the same even if you never saw one red cent.

    Now, I've thought of dishonoring the blood directive for my husband. If he were unconscious, in emergency, and required a life-saving transfusion. I'd simply keep my mouth shut until afterwards. I'd endure his anger if it meant he were still with me. But that sort of option is not available to you. Your mother has had plenty of time to plan her surgery and make her wishes known.

    My prayers are with you.

  • Dansk
    she has a no blood directive(the hardcore version), and I have agreed to respect it (although I can't vouch for my siblings).

    In that case, let your siblings decide! If they feel your mother needs blood in an emergency just stand back and say nothing, that way, when your mom recovers, you won't be held responsible.

    For what it's worth, I've recently had four blood transfusions - and to think I would probably have let my children die if they had needed one when I was a dyed-in-the-wool JW

    Best wishes,


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