My JW mom thinks I am happy. . . hmmm

by JWdaughter 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • JWdaughter

    Ok, I am talking to my mom tonite at a restraunt overlooking the water, and we are having fun, and I am griping about my husbands silliness (forget which one, there are many) and she says to me" Are you happy?" And as i am complaining about my husband, I feel kind of silly saying, YES, but I said, yes, I have a lot to look forward to, my kids are great, my (new book) business is going well, and I am really excited about the next few months-my whole future. She tells me, you know your sister has more money, and success, her husband worships her(mine has no such idolatry issues!)etc. etc, and she just doesn't have the same spark in her eyes as you do. You look so alive and so eager and so happy. . ." OK, I feel kind of wonderful now. But I come home and come to this board and thought HEY, what an opportunity I screwed up. Cause she is so NOT happy. She is the JW mom, widowed, ok for money, getting a new puppy, and I know she is looking forward to some things, but she drinks too much, (not for fun, just to get lost in it,really). I personally think the JW crap she has been raised up in spoils her everyday little joys. She can see things, and appreciate them (flowers, puppies, etc) but she has this horrid expectation of the entire world being destroyed imminently and I know that has to be a downer. She is a great one for bringing up "this wicked system of things" that "Jehovah will soon be destroying" (gag me) Another thing she was saying is that she is uneasy because she can't cry unless she drinks-you know- really drinks. She has all this sorrow she wants to get out but she can't cry. Thats just so sad I didn't even know what to think. So I am overall happy about life and DA'd. She is now an active(well she did FS recently) JW. Who is living in a spiritual paradise? Any ideas how I could point out how some of her ways of looking at the world could be affecting her happiness and how twisted the WT has made her thinking without running her off (as has happened in the past) Shelly

  • Highlander

    It sounds like you already have made strong points to her by living your life and being happy.

  • Arthur
    and I am griping about my husbands silliness (forget which one, there are many)

    Hold on now, just how many husbands do you have?

  • JWdaughter

    Just the one husband, can't remember if I was griping about his cars, spending, selfishness, lateness. . .and at the same time grateful that he isn't abusive, adulterous, stinky or alcoholic. Oh, and he is cute and has a great butt for his age, but thats just my opinion.:)

  • Arthur
    Oh, and he is cute and has a great butt for his age, but thats just my opinion.:)

    Well, good. Thank you for providing this critical piece of information.

    This cracks me up. No offense to the ladies, but I find it funny how many women will often just throw out totally irrelevant information in the course of a conversation. I'll ask a lady: "So, how did your husband's golf tournament go?" And she'll say something like: "Oh, Tom did really well. He played better than he thought he would, considering he has been constipated for the last few days." And, I'm just thinking: "Great, thanks for sharing that with me."

  • JWdaughter

    My daughter thinks I am pretty 'random' and I can't argue the point much. I just wanted to express that even though he drives me nuts, I love him and acknowledge his good points. I guess I could have said THAT, but, ok, I was bragging.

  • sass_my_frass

    No you did the right thing.. think about it: if you'd pushed her buttons her apostate warning bell would have gone off and you'd have isolated her that little bit. At least you now know that it's true that living a happy life is the best anti-witness. And I don't know about you but in my case it took many small events over a very long time before I started critically analysing the thing, and nothing would have rushed me. You've done exactly what she needed to see, and you're happy too; bonus!

  • Mysterious

    "won over by conduct alone". I think you are setting a wonderful example that the world has more to offer than the pain and drudgery the witnesses do and whether you said anything or not I'm sure your mom noticed and couldn't help but compare.

  • Bumble Bee
    Bumble Bee

    I am soooooo much happier now that I've left JW's. When my mother and I had a big blowup over this, one thing she said is that I've changed. I told her I absolutley had!! I'm finally happy! For the first 36 years of my life I was unhappy. I have a better relationship with my husband, I have REAL friends now etc. My mother is a very negative person, and never saw the good/positive in people and I refused to take part in her conversations about people.

    She is an active JW (just spent 6 hrs the other day compiling letters for service), and is never happy. I can't remember the last time I saw her having a good time somewhere. She has health proplems (most of mine went away when I left).

    If they knew what a burden would be lifted from them if they left the JW religion, the numbers would dwindle really fast.


  • Lady Liberty
    Lady Liberty


    Maybe you could drop by and sit her down and tell her that her question about you being really happy has you disturbed. Maybe ask her if she is really happy. Maybe just maybe, she was trying to open a conversation with you pour out her feelings. Who knows what she will say. Perhaps she wants to leave too? Or mabe she wants to express some feelings of doubt and you are the only one she can talk to. I would definately bring it up again, but only in person, so she can see your sincerity, and you can express the love that she probably needs right about now.


    Lady Liberty

Share this