Moving on...

by Zico 35 Replies latest jw friends

  • grey matters
    grey matters

    Do you still work for your uncle?

  • SPAZnik

    Action speaks for itself.

  • grey matters
    grey matters

    The reason I ask is that I worked for my Dad when I decided to fade. I didn't live with my parents. But still, there was no degree of separation there. We worked with eachother all day and went to the same cong. I ended up quitting, moving, and taking a job somewhere else. He wasn't happy about it, but it was a way to take it "one step at a time".

  • itsallgoodnow

    I would suggest a few things to make your transition a little easier.

    1) don't "make" your time. the best way to stop pioneering is to have them make you stop because you weren't making your time any more. remember, pioneering is a privilege, not a right. ;)

    2) slowly make friends outside the Kingdom hall, through work, hobbies, or school.

    It should be easy enough to give the message that you are looking out for your future abilities to care for yourself and for a family, should you have one. If you are a man, that should be no problem.

    It could take awhile from going from pioneer to.... someone like me. Just be forwarned. Either way you do it, ripping off the bandaid or pulling it off slowly, it still stings. It depends on your particular circumstances. You have to look out for your own best interests here, so do it however would be best for you. Leaving abruptly has its good and bad side effects, as does long-term fading.

    Fading is much harder than you would think. The more time passes, the harder it is to keep all of this information to yourself, and the more absurd it all seems. It gets really hard to hide your new attitude... that's the worst part.

    Good luck!

  • Zico

    Thanks all for the suggestions! You've certainly been very helpful and given me a lot to think about. :)

    Nowman - Don't worry, I am a man! I do still live with my parents as well, it would be impossible to move out at the moment on my part time wage, but I am planning to work towards this once I am working full time.

    Grey Matters - I am still working for my uncle, I know I will have to find a job at another company if I am going to really leave. Right now though, I just want to concentrate on finishing with pioneering and getting a full time position.

  • sspo

    Take it slow and follow some of the good counsel on this board you received but like everyone us it will tough since you found out about the "truth"

    The sooner you work on it the better you'll be.

    Just be thankful you are only 20 years old and you still have the rest of your life ahead of you.

  • saki2fifty

    Let me say this. You are only 20 years old, and from what you are saying, you're whole life has been centered around the witnesses which means that you more than likely still have the mindset of a true witness. So with that being said, why do you want to leave? Just too much pressure or its just too time consuming? You mentioned that you want to further your knowledge, which I personally feel there is nothing wrong with it and your family shouldn't either but the problem is that you said you dont know how to tell them you dont want to be a part of it any longer. So why? Why would you want to leave?

    How about approaching your family, letting them know that you want to advance your career, then keep doing what you can in the ministry. Nothing wrong with that.

    I came here because of some things I've learned, which was a bit alarming, but it turned out to be a good source of information.

    You can only expect one answer by coming to a site like this and asking a question like that... and that is to leave Jehovahs organization. Get your education, do what you can in this world to better your life, but when it comes to Jehovah's organization dont leave it because of what others say or just because. Stick with it man... cause i'm still your brother.

    Now notice this... Notice what responses I get by putting this message of encouragement out there. Here they come.

  • grey matters
    grey matters

    so saki2fifty, where do you think you will go from here? Are you going to work towards baptism?

  • Joe Grundy
    Joe Grundy


    I'm not and never have been a JW, so take anything I say with that in mind. But I do have a fair amount of experience of life.

    One thing I have learned is that what you will most regret are NOT the things that you tried that didn't work out, but the things that you didn't have the nerve to try.

    You are naturally apprehensive about life outside JWs. What you will find is that there are good and bad people, just as there are inside the JWs, and all the variations in between. You may also be surprised to find that religion is a matter of indifference to most people and if they have heard of JWs they will most likely confuse them with Mormons and know nothing of their beliefs.

    As someone with an enquiring mind, you may find that you will not be happy until you have answered your own questions to your own satisfaction. That's what having a brain and intelligence is all about.


    In my limited experience of JWD my opinion is that whilst there are some posters who are (understandably, IMHO) bitter towards WTBTS the overall advice and message is that everyone should ask their questions and seek the answers, then make up their own minds. There is a vast amount of academic research and resources to check out its validity, and access to the WTBTS' own teachings. That, I believe, is one of its major strengths, together with the facility to discuss, argue and debate issues in a (usually) civilised way.

    I find it strange that WTBTS discourages honest enquiry and debate about its teachings and history, as I believe that one's beliefs could only be strengthened if one has been able to reinforce them with research and knowledge.

  • katiekitten
    dont leave it because of what others say or just because. Stick with it man... cause i'm still your brother.

    Thats such a heartfelt sentiment, saki.

    and good advice too - dont leave because of what others tell you. But I dont think you will. It seems to me you will leave if and when your own research and instinct tell you to.

    And you dont have to leave Jehovah. Lots of people here still have a strong faith, they just dont subscribe to the Witness brand anymore. My mum (who would never post here) is the most faithful person I know to Jehovah. She studies twice as much as she did when she was a JW. But through her own research she doesnt believe the JW brand has got the monopoly on faith. And she doesnt read what a JW would consider 'apostate' material. She reads the bible, and bible commentaries that the WBTS used to quote before they became potbound in their own roots.

    Dont worry. Whatever you decide to do, it will work out. I thought my life had ended when I faded. I thought I was dead. Turns out my life was just beginning. You will honestly be amazed.

    And dont worry that all worldly people are wicked. If you wanted a traditional marriage with no sex before marriage you will find the right person outside of Kingdom Hall. There are lots of good people, lots of moral people, as well as lots of everything else in 'the world'.

    Finally - good luck.

    Dont come here to break your faith - thats not what were about. Come here to find help and support. If you learn some truth along the way then your faith may change in its detail, but you can still love Jehovah - just reject his croonies and spin doctors.

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