My Story..... Need advice on reinstatement Letter.

by jrjr4189 44 Replies latest jw experiences

  • jaredg

    "might it be the case that your family may - in time - come to accept you WITHOUT you being reinstated?" if only this was the case. unfortunately high control cults have a very tight grip around it's members.

  • damselfly

    <<And logically, if the JWs feel that you have expunged your sin (yuk!) by marrying your (now) wife, might it be the case that your family may - in time - come to accept you WITHOUT you being reinstated?>>

    Been there and done that, it didn't make a bit of difference to them (or the elders)


  • tan
    if you are only occasionally attending meetings, I would be surprised if they would reinstate you

    I was wondering about that too. I had to go to the meeting consistently for 12 months both times I was disfellowshipped.

  • jrjr4189
  • Hellrider


    Even though I totally do not believe the doctrine or want to be a part of the organization I think I may get reinsated just so I can associate freely with my family

    Will that be enough? Can you pretend to be in the "truth" when you heart and brain tells you it`s all a big lie? What about meetings? Plan to go? If you don`t, what will happen then? Elders visits? Concerned calls? What about your wife. Are you going to drag her into it too? What about your children, or future children? What about a normal childhood for them? Birthdays, christmas, not feeling left out at a school, not feeling weird, abnormal, not like the other kids.
    You have a lot to think about. Go with your heart. Stand up for yourself, don`t live in the shadow of your mother and siblings. Talk to your dad about all this.

  • jgnat

    The "punishments" of the society can be so ironic...

    My hubby is on "restriction" right now for fornicating with me before marriage. Now, think about this. We married over three years ago. From our wedding date forward we've energetically exercised our marital due without resorting to fornication. By getting married, we made it right. But not before the eyes of the elders, because they were not informed of the pre-marriage activity. In fact, for a long time they were in the dark regarding my existence at all. Since hubby has recently "confessed" to the pre-marital activity, he has to be punished somehow. Hence the restriction.

    Now what will the restriction accomplish? Will hubby become more repentant? How exactly could he demonstrate further repentance other than a bowed head?

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Another thing. Your official status in the hall has little to do with how folks end up treating you. There's unofficial shunning as well. If you have the "stink" of the world on you (and face it, being married to ones such as me puts you in a permanent stink anyhow) people at the hall and your dotty relatives may avoid you anyhow. On the other hand, if you're multi-generational and have an elder or two to back you up...

  • jschwehm


    I would be concerned with how much attention your wife will get from your JW family if you go down this road. You may be giving your family false hopes about her. Is she prepared to take the constant offers that the JWs will make to study with them? Also, are you prepared to attend all of the meetings at the Kingdom Hall while being shunned for at least 6 months to a year while they decide if you are worthy of being reinstated?

    I guess, for me, I could not do it.

    Jeff S.

  • itsallgoodnow

    I can't imagine it would be easy to get reinstated, although I'm sure different people can have different experiences with it. It seems to me that more is required than a well-written letter, ie perfect meeting attendance for a long time before they let you back into "the fold". They could want you to say many "heartfelt" things that could be difficult if you don't really believe anymore.

    I can't say what you should do, because I can truly understand what it's like to make that decision - I have decided NOT to be disfellowshipped or DA if I can help it for the sake of my family. I am all the time trying to deal with not being "true to myself" and it can wear you down if you are not careful. Part of me wants to stand up and yell "they are a cult, don't you see it?" and the other part of me knows doing that wouldn't have any affect on them, except for cutting me off. The way they have set it up is to silence anyone who disagrees with them. I figure, if my family can't see that, it's their problem, and I have no responsibility to tell them what they probably already know on some level, but prefer to be in denial about. At least that's what I tell myself right now.

    It sounds like to me, you have decided you love them, regardless of who they are and what they do. I think that's a good thing. I love my screwed up family too, even though they don't love me the same way. And because of the way they are, they are forcing me to stay silent, but I can change that at any time and will eventually say what I want to. I'm just waiting until something else happens first and then I will feel like I don't have as much to lose in the process.

    It's a hard decision to make. It's like picking your poison.

    Good luck to you and I hope it works out for you and you can have your family and deal with their beliefs while having control of your own mind at the same time.

  • Honesty

    Is your wife a Christian who has undying faith in Jesus?

    If so, why not let her work on helping your family see the Watchtower for what it is.

    If not, she may get sucked into the cult if you get reinstated.

    Let's face reality, playing with the bears and not ever getting sick or being depressed appeals to most people's emotions.

  • apfergus

    One thing to keep in mind is that if you make the pretense of returning to the organization, JW family might also make it their business to keep you going to the meetings, out in service, etc. Even if you can manage to fade, it also might bring a lot of emotional troubles to your family as it did with mine. I'm not exactly in the bad graces of the organization, but it's pretty obvious that a lot of friends and family are very upset with me.

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