am i normal?

airwlk149

ok, so i am 17 almost 18. i used to have a boyfriend. we were gonna get married this coming december, but stuff happened and we aren't now. i had sex with him before marriage, and the bible firmly states to deaden your body memebers, which apparently we did not. so i haven't seen or heard from him in over a year. i got a job where i met alot of new people. there was this one girl that i became friends with. well we got closer and closer and now she's my best friend. i see her everyday. well, about 2 months ago i told her that i was sexually attracted to her. i don't think i am a lesbian because i don't like FEMALES i only like her. or i should say love because i do love her. so i was suprised that i didn't freak her out. it actually made us closer. i don't know what's going on because then like a week after i tell her this i get reinstated! now my mom is like, "you have to study the knowledge book with them and teach them the truth or you can't spend time with them. they are worldly."(i hate the term worldly) so yeahhhhh. i am so confused. don't know what i can do? i mean now that i am reinstated i can talk to my ex-boyfriend(i haven't yet and don't know if i will.), which i don't really consider him my ex because WE never broke up. our parents and the elder's broke us up. i really did truly love him with all my heart and wanted to marry him. we were very sexual towards each other, so that's why i can't help wonder why i am so attracted to my girlfriend? i love her, and it seems so natural and ok to want to be with her, even though i know alot of people say and think it isn't. nobody knows about "us". she told one friend a little bit of what's going on and so did i, but they don't know much and it would be too akward to tell them. i need someone i can talk to. i have one person i have talked to over the internet and i thank her and she knows who she is. she actually told me to come on here and post so i could get feedback on how i was feeling because i have been going crazy!
i truly love my friend and i do know she loves me back. i am getting more comfortable with how i feel, because i don't feel like these feelings are going to fade anytime soon. i don't know what i would call myself. or what i would call "US"? so yeah. aig?

thanks for reading! :)

Introspection

Welcome Airwalk. I don't have any answers for you, but there are people here who will accept you as you are. You've come to the right place.

joelbear

Hi Airwalk,

I am a homosexual man and one of your friends asked me to reply to see if I could help.

First, yes, you are a normal 17 year old whose sexual and social needs are becoming those of an adult. You aren't a kid anymore, but you aren't quite an adult yet which as all of us can tell you, is a very very confusing time of life.

When your sexual feelings are ambiguous, meaning you feel that you have some attraction to both males and females, it is even more difficult.

You say you don't feel you are lesbian because you don't like females. Well, if there is no sexual attraction to females for you, you are definitely not lesbian. Your love for your friend does not mean you are immediately lesbian. I think you may have gotten attached to her because she was there for you during a very difficult time of your life.

The fact that you say you are very sexually attracted to your boyfriend adds to this feeling from me.

However, I don't know what is going on in your head and heart other than your few short words here. If you do have sexual attraction to her and I would define that as having sexual fantasies about her that stimulate you, then you are perhaps bisexual to some degree. I have known a number of bisexual men and women, so you have lots of company if this is true. If you think you might be bisexual, then I encourage you to attend a PFLAG (parents and friends of lesbians and gays) meeting in your area. If you are in Southern California, I am sure there is a group near you.

Feel free to email me if you would like to discuss it further in private. There are also several lesbians on the board who I am sure will find your post and be glad to help also. My email is [email protected].

I wish you well and hope you can find peace on a path that fulfills you. That is what life is all about.

hugs

Joel

WildHorses

Thanks Joel, and Airwalk, I posted a link to you other post on the main forum. It seems that most of the people go there first to read post.

Keep that chin up girl. You are special and I don't ever want you to think there is something wrong with you. I love you friend!

Lilacs

Tina

Hi airwalk!
Welcome.
I would strongly suggest you check out some professional counseling.Especially if you get suicidal thoughts. A pro would also help with your confusion regarding sexual feelings and orientation.
This board can help only to a certain degree.
Wishing you the best! Tina

Carl Sagan on balancing openness to new ideas with skeptical scrutiny..."if you are open to the point of gullibility and have not an ounce of skeptical sense-you cannot distinguish useful ideas from worthless ones."

waiting

Hi Air,

Good suggestions - particularily about the counselor. I just responded on the other thread.

If you're still in school - there are counselors there who can at least get you started getting a prospective to your situation. They're impartial, so you can talk freely.

If you're working, and still at home - your parents still hold a lot of power over you......and from your other thread - they seemed to know it. Usually, you can call any hospital and find out if they have a counseling service available. A County Mental Health worker will also know about services.

Check it out, ok?

waiting

Cassiline

Good morning Air i replied to your post 'what it feels like to be reinstated. I dont have much more to offer except joelbears advice and observations were right on.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

C

When the pain of being where we are, becomes greater than our fear of letting go...we will risk and heal and grow.

Introspection

Glad to see your message Tina. I have to ask, though, what makes you think she would have suicidal thoughts?

Cassiline

Hello Intro,
Hope you are well! In Airs first post she speaks of trying to kill herself. Lilacs posted a link to the first post this AM.
Good to see you again Intro, perhaps we will meet inchat again.

C

When the pain of being where we are, becomes greater than our fear of letting go...we will risk and heal and grow.

jelly

Honey your normal. Being confused about sex and life in general at 17 is as much a part of the age as acne. I can't really address any of you specfic problems, as I am completly unqualified, but I do want you to know that I am thinking of you. I have not prayed in years but tonight I will say one for you.

Jelly

am i normal?

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