I FEEL SO FRUSTRATED.

by vitty 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • BizzyBee
    BizzyBee

    Good advice given already. Take a cue from mental health practioners - ask leading questions, rather than make comments.

    Ex: "How do you feel about that?" "When you think about FS, how do you feel?" "When he says that, what do you feel?"

    Use this tack judiciuosly, sparingly - otherwise it can be quite annoying. Silence is good, too, especially face-to-face (not so much on the phone) and sounds of acknowledgment, "Oh" "yes" "hmmm" "really?" "ahhh" "uh huh".....you get the idea.....................

    The whole idea is that she has to see the "light" for herself, and not feel coerced.

    PS. Has anyone noticed that trolls don't really read, they just post and leave?

  • Scully
    Scully

    Another fun communication technique to use in situations like this is called "reflecting". It basically involves re-stating what the person has just said to you. It acknowledges their statement, lets them know you're actively listening to them, without making what they would perceive as negative or judgemental commentary. Throw in a few "how did that make you feel?" type questions, and it allows the person to open up even more. Here's an example:

    Vitty's Daughter: I can't believe the elders are on our case about our service time again!

    Vitty: The elders are on your case about your service time? Why would they do that?

    Vitty's Daughter: There was a part on the convention about keeping active in service. I guess everyone is getting the same lecture.

    Vitty: Yes, that's usually the source of the "lectures" as you called them. How did it make you feel?

    Vitty's Daughter: It's so upsetting to hear them always tell us that they want us to always do more all the time! It's hard to keep up with all the demands on my time - I have to work, take care of the home, spend time with my husband, and go to all the meetings, and yet it's never enough!

    Vitty: It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed, and I agree it certainly puts a lot of demands on your time. Do you and hubby still do fun things together like you did when you were dating?

    Vitty's Daughter: There's just never any time for that anymore. It's always service-this, meeting-that, prepare for the meetings-the-other-thing. Sometimes it feels like that's all we ever do.

    Vitty: That sounds like it could be hard on the relationship, is that what is happening?

    etc, etc.

  • itsallgoodnow
    itsallgoodnow

    It seems they all know the script and even when they don't stick to it, they expect everyone else to stick to it, not say anything that wouldn't be said in an assembly demonstration.

    Maybe you could ask what it is she doesn't like about field service and go from there. Maybe talk to her about some of your "bad" experiences, like make something up about meeting someone who told you why JWs are a cult, and go into specifics? I'm gonna try that one sometime, see how it goes.

  • Carmel
    Carmel

    "Well my dearie, Jehovah is just going to have to kill you at Armegeddon since you aren't carrying your weight selling magazines and books. I'm sure Jeusus would agree that you are bird food if you don't sell, sell, sell!"

    carmel of the "sometimes sarcasm tells the truth better than poetry" class

  • LovesDubs
    LovesDubs

    In December of 1996 I was vehemently defending the JWs stand on Christman and pagan holidays...

    I DAd in January of 1997.

    Moral....what comes out a Dubs mouf aint necessarily whatz in their HEARTZ :)

    Just hold the rope, dont say anything, and they will hang themselves :) (figuratively...and you wont end up being the baddy who influenced their thinking)

  • Warlock
    Warlock

    Vitty,

    Being a father, not a mother (though some might argue that point), if I was in the same situation here's my 1 1/2 cents worth.

    "If you are going to defend the elders after complaining about them, then don't complain. You know life in the truth is like that, so either speak up to them, or they will continue to pressure you and that will be the way it will stay."

    Warlock (who only has 1 1/2 cents)

  • wednesday
    wednesday

    At least she feels she can talk to you. I'd keep that connection open. I believe what everyonehas said willhelp, stay positive and tell her about the funthigns yu do, and make her wish for a more normal life. you cna have that influnece wether yu realize itor not. kid will usaully do the opposite their parents want. don't they always datet he by you dislike? usualy. so, be kind and listen and not overly critical. I was able to tell a family member about the bethel brother recently without sounding hateful. I did this by just letting the facts speak for themselves and relied on most peoples natural revulsion to something that bad. Also a probing question or two ie, something about imagine how the parents in that cong where he was an elder must feel? knowing their child may have had contact with him. That gets people to thinking.

  • Quandry
    Quandry

    It is good that she felt she could talk to you. Until a really good opportunity comes, continue to listen and just say, mmmmm. She will see that she can say anything she wants to around you and feel freer to make comments as time goes on.

    At least for now, your relationship will be better if she knows you are always there to talk to.

  • vitty
    vitty

    Thanks for all the advice..................she knows we dont go "much" she doesnt realize we havent been for 2 years. She never asks about it. She is terrified of amageddon and is scared for me...........so that stops her being negative when I agree with her. Its like a circle we just go round, her trying to encourage me,,,,, me trying to help her ahhhhhhhhhh

    I think ill do as suggested .....................ask her how it makes her feel, then leave it at that.

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