To all the mothers on JWD...

by misspeaches 16 Replies latest jw friends

  • misspeaches
    misspeaches

    Anyone who has been raised as a JW will most likely be able to relate somewhat to this.

    My mother was bringing three children to the meeting and had an unbelieving mate. She was incredibly strict. I was an extremely unhappy child and teenager. To this day I feel like she made some terrible decisions in our upbringing that have made massive impacts on my own and my siblings lives.

    When people meet my mother and I they always comment upon how similar we are. Not in looks as much as mannerisms and personality. I always here the remarks 'Your just like your mother'. For so long I hated hearing this. I didn't want to be anything like my mum. I didn't want to screw my kids up etc, etc. In fact for a long time I never wanted to have children. I didn't think I would be able to be maternal enough and thought that I would be a terrible parent. In my mind I had recieved a life sentence of being incompetent as a parent. (Funny the way you come to conclusions isn't it.)

    But then I come to JWD. I read the stories from the mothers on this site. Women who have been in my exact position. And yet here they are raising wonderful beautiful families. Not repeating the mistakes of their parents. Proving that beyond all doubt they can nuture and love thier children and their children will be happy. And even those who don't have children but take people here under their wing and show some motherly type love to those lost and unhappy souls that wander into this forum.

    You ladies are an inspiration to me. You fill me with hope that I too can be a great mum. I'm getting married at the end of the year. No longer am I afraid to have children. I can't wait too. I can't wait to be a great mum. I'm confidant I can because I have some amazing role models right here.

    I love you and thank all of you....

    Miss Peaches.

  • freedomlover
    freedomlover

    sniff. sniff.


    that was beautiful Miss Peaches!

    I have an emotionally void mother who never showed us love or affection. She never wanted us, at least that's how she acted. I was scared I'd become just like my mom also. I'm a firm believer though, that you can make any changes you want to. You do not have to be like your parents. You CAN break the dysfuntional patterns.

    You are way ahead of the game already. You are AWARE of the issues that you and your mother had. So many people just avoid the issues and repeat the cycle.

  • misspeaches
    misspeaches

    (((FreedomLover)))

    Your a perfect example of what I was talking about. You beat the odds. You are living proof that you can break the cycle.

  • JH
    JH

    I'm sure you'll be a great mother misspeaches.

    I'm sure, with your experience and background, you'll make this a priority in your life.

  • serendipity
    serendipity

    Hi MissPeaches,

    I had abusive parents and didn't want to have any children either because I was afraid I'd be a bad parent. My daughter was a surprise, so I was forced to 'solve the problem'. It's been a lot of hard work to break the cycle of abuse, but I did it. It's the greatest accomplishment of my life, so far. I know you can do it too.

  • Mysterious
    Mysterious

    Aww miss peaches so glad to hear that, and good luck with the family. I think as you have noted, so many of us have moved beyond what lives we would have been doomed to in the organization and it will be just like that for you as well. I think a little bit of trepidation is healthy and will help you stop and think about your parenting, resulting in you making a better parent not a worse one. :)

  • tall penguin
    tall penguin

    I can relate misspeaches. I too struggle with not wanting to have kids because of fears of repeating my mother's mistakes. And yet I love kids so much. It's a decision I keep grappling with. Thanks for reminding me that there are so many success stories right here on jwd.
    Thanks moms!
    tall penguin

  • misspeaches
    misspeaches

    serendipity - see that's what I am talking about. Breaking the cycle and accomplishing something truly magnificent! Even in really difficult circumstances.

    Mysterious - you say so succinctly in one sentence that took me several paragraphs to say! I think a little bit of trepidation is healthy and will help you stop and think about your parenting, resulting in you making a better parent not a worse one

    tall penguin - that's whats great about this place. Everyone has something they can offer of benefit to others in this community.

  • Quandry
    Quandry

    Don't wait until you think you can be the perfect mom before having a baby. You will never do everything right. We are, after all, an imperfect lot. One female commedian once said when you have a baby, first comes the baby, then the afterbirth, then the guilt. We are always guilting ourselves-could we have done more, given more, not done this, will the baby like its name, etc. Just go for it. Have patience. A wonderful friend once told me to slow down and enjoy my child. It does not have to walk before others, or get potty trained ahead of others. No normal adults are still crawling or wearing diapers. Just determine to enjoy a pregnancy and a baby!

  • Es
    Es

    You are going to be a wonderful mother and wife Misspeaches.

    Cant wait to see wedding pics, your getting married nov right?? Thats when we got married last year it was a beautiful day. While your swapping wedding photos i will be swapping baby photos.

    Luv ya heaps

    es

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