My family was raised in a very sincere Christian home. I have 2 sisters and have always been as close as best friends. My little sister (30) a year ago met a man. We all got to know him a little. We knew he had a little bit of a rough background but we gave him a chance. He had a 4 year old daughter and he wanted to make a better life for himself. I know he had a JW background but when questioned about it he stated "he did not believe in that and only believed in the bible itself. He said the bible he used was the king james version. He celebrated the 4th of july and several birthdays with us. There was not mention of anything. My sister taught a childs Sunday School class at our church and this person even attended that with us several times. (encluding the childs Sunday school class with his daughter. Within a few short months, we heard they had applied for a marriage license. It was supposed to be a secret. Durring these months my sister spent less and less time with her friends and family and cut off one of her relationships completely. We could not get through to her. We found out this person had a very long criminal record and informed her of this. Her children also started saying things like "we don't believe in Christmas and birthdays anymore." Our family became very concerned with regards to her safety and we tried an intervention which went very badly. It has been almost 2 years and at this point they have attended a JW church several times. My sister no longer believes in the devine nature of God. She says she is just checking it out and does not believe everything. They live with my mom "take advantage of her" and "pay her nothing, not even bills" and my mom is in fear of kicking them out because she wants to keep the children safe, they are 9 and 10. This man is also growing "medical marijuana" that he says is to control his rage. It is a very conplicated sick and twisted mess. He will go to counceling with the JW church and so my sister seems to be going along with it because she wants to stay with this abusive man. My sister has always put her family and her children first until she met him. Now she says that we are too controling and that it is normal to not spend time with your family when you have a new relationship. None of her words seem to be her own. What can I do to reach her?
How can I help my sister
Since she's not a minor I don't think there is much you can do but offer your love and support to the kids especially...and if they're in danger, report the situation to the authorities. I don't think they'd allow them to stay in a home where anyone is growing pot; 'medical' or otherwise unless it's legal where you are. It's not here.
It's devestating to watch our siblings destroy their lives. I have been through this so I know your pain, but fortunately for me no children are involved. If they kids are in danger, as they may be with that man in the house if he has a criminal record, the situation may need to be reported to the authorities.
good luck...there's only so much you can do when you're dealing with adults. It's just a nightmare when their bad decisions put children in harm's way.
The JWs do not offer counselling services, they simply tell people to "study more and pray more." Not the kind of help someone with rage control issues needs. Someone is going to have to get tough and not allow them to freeload. If the kids are in danger, call child protective services. Otherwise, it sounds like some of the other problems are of bigger immediate concern than the fact that they've been to the Kingdom Hall a few times.
Be accessible. If she complains about her husband, empathize without adding your two cents and repeat that you are always there for her. Shower the kids with affection and gifts when possible. If abuse occurs don't hesitate to report it.
Help your mom with her bills, keep the kids there, and your sister - with this opportunity tell your sister plainly that the group she is becoming involved in is plainly a false prophet - be prepared with simple and irrefutable examples if necessary - ie. articles from the watchtower, things such as beth sarim, "this generation" as shown in every print of Awake until ~ '95 I think - keep it simple and irrefutable - tell her that as her sister you're concerned with the sort of wickedness that she's getting involved in - family splitting and nastiness based on the insistence in following a false prophet
- do it early
He will go to counceling with the JW church and so my sister seems to be going along with it because she wants to stay with this abusive man. My sister has always put her family and her children first until she met him. Now she says that we are too controling and that it is normal to not spend time with your family when you have a new relationship. None of her words seem to be her own. What can I do to reach her?
I’m not sure how much you know about the JW sect, both your sister and her husband are in a very dangerous high control cult. The changes taking place within your sister and her family are a direct result of intentional and effective conditioning. Any overt move you make to brake her away from the cult will be turned against you and you may lose the “game” before it really ever starts. Your sisters behavior is now becoming a pathology, her ability to make rational decisions is being replaced with “group think”. The best advise I can give you is to read and read and read and read about the WTB&TS on this site and every other one you can find. Keep posting here, it’s a good place to vent or find help from people who know where you are coming from. Get ready Alice your not going to believe where this rabbit hole will take you. Good luck.
In the early stage of becoming involved with Jehovah’s Witnesses newbies are influenced to think their own family is unknowingly being used by Satan to discourage them from following the ‘truth’. You are the deceived enemy Satan is using so as not to loose control over her. Anything you do or say against the WT Society will be treated a persecution. She may already trust JW’s more then you and your mother and will soon start preaching to you. So before you criticize or better question the JW organization, inform yourself well about the WTS. Your giving opposition is part of the game. Them taking advantage of you mother is not right. And the background of her man is troublesome. So keeping your sister and the children safe at your mother home is the best for now. Where is this man growing his marijuana? Where and when does he smoke it to control his rage? There will be more about this man. Make sure to report any kind of abuse.
Much strength to you and your family,