Took my mom to lunch the other day...

tall penguin

If you've read my previous posts you'll know that my relationship with my mom has had its ups and downs since I left the org. While my parents (both jw) still speak to me, the relationship has been strained.
Well, this past week I got up the courage to call her and invite her to lunch, something we haven't done since I da'd last August. She said yes and off we went.
She actually treated me to lunch which was very kind. We chatted about everyday stuff then I mustered courage again and asked her about some of my friends from my old hall. I was waiting for her to shut me down and say that she couldn't talk about people in the congregation because I'm not a jw, but she didn't. She shared the latest about how people are doing. It was nice to hear how everyone is getting on.
She also told me about a friend's mom who died. This was a big thing because a few people have died since I left and she didn't tell me. I had to find out from my brother. So it was nice that she seems to be feeling more comfortable to tell me things.
We had a nice time and talked about going shopping in a few weeks. I'm taking it slow, so we can both get used to each other again. So far so good.
tall penguin

freedomlover

it's amazing how things can change and soften with *TIME*

I'm glad you are able to rebuild something with your mom. it's so important for your own well-being...

sinamongurl

this is so nice to hear

do u have periods with her that she is hot and cold?.....i have a friend is df'd and her mother is still quite active and goes thru bouts where she will share stuff and then all of a sudden get cold and will stop and this is a never-ending thing with her.....i dont have the same thing with mother cuz she is severely inactive....just wanted to know cuz this could get quite frustrating i would think

jojochan

((((T.P))))

I'm glad that all went well.

One day ata a time, right? Oh yeah, Happy B-Day!

jojochan.

tall penguin

Thanks for the replies. I feel that there's hope.

"do u have periods with her that she is hot and cold?"
Moreso at the beginning. My Mom is just gradually warming up now. I hope it will continue. I really don't deal well with flip-flopping. My folks live in the same building as one of their congregation elders and they've been courageous enough to be seen hugging me outside their building and getting into my car to go out. So I expect that this brave behavior will continue. Yet I know there's no guarantees when it comes to indoctrinated people. I'm learning to go with the flow and make decisions on a case by case basis.
My mom is still reticent to actually use "theocratic" phrases with me, lest she be found having "spiritual association" with me. It's kind of funny really. She'll talk about people at the hall but not about the meetings or the upcoming convention. She wants to go shopping, quite obviously for new convention clothes but won't say it's for that. She's cute to watch sometimes. I'm realizing she's just another human being with a lot of fears who wants some stability, even if it's a false sense of stability.
tall penguin

arwen

Happy Birthday...Hope you have a wonderful day. Best Wishes going your way.

juni

Happy Birthday tall penguin and many more to come!

It's nice to hear that you had a good time and visit w/mom. Sounds like she's starting to think outside of the box, you know?

Best to you.

Juni

Bumble Bee

I take things one day at a time with my mother too. At first she told me she wanted nothing to do with me, took me out of her will etc. I told her my door was always open. In time she came around, apologized for the things she said and called a truce. Right now it's a don't ask, don't talk about "religious" things. She mentions assemblies/meetings but never invites me anymore, and has accepted that that is no longer part of my life.

There is hope! Enjoy your future shopping trip!!

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

BB

Jankyn

"do u have periods with her that she is hot and cold?"

I've talked about this with Essie several times. I call it the "roller coaster." If Mom's been to a convention, had a recent talk or WT study that stresses how to deal with unbelieving relatives, or spent too much time around my super-duper-dub aunt, she's distant and cruel. If she hasn't been recently "indoctrinated" in the proper way to treat a no-I-don't-believe-it-and-I-don't-wanna-be-a-Dub child, then she's warm, funny and loving.

I try to make sure that I keep up on what her assembly--oops, I mean "convention"--schedule is, and what the latest WT topics are, so that I know if there's anything coming up that will set her off. When I know, I just avoid calling/spending time with her. Saves us both a lot of trouble.

No, this is not the relationship with my mother that I want or deserve. But it's a lot better than the nine years she didn't speak to me.

Jankyn

unique1

That is awesome, hope it keeps up.

Took my mom to lunch the other day...

Share this