In Metatron's excellent investigation of the newest GB self-inflicted podiatric wound, we were told about a pet bird... well, here's a quote from Bstndance:
Growing up we had a pet bird that used to masterbate and my mom would try to stop him but he just kept doing it. Eventually she just gave up. She said, "he doesn't know right from wrong"
Naturally, I'm curious. I've never heard of birds doing this.
Of course the burning question is how - HOW do they do it? Not with his wing(s), i'd guess. Left foot? Right foot? Pretty funny picture, him standing there on one foot while the other works overtime, him whistling a cheerful melody all the while.
Did he grow feathers on his palms?
Did he go blind and become a bat?
Then I have to ask if it ever occurred to dear old Mom that if the bird was relieved of a life in solitary confinement it might not be so obsessed? Was Mom against birdy procreation before Armageddon also?