Hi Classicist:
I thought you expressed your story very well in your post. You are very well read and write very well for your age. I was also impressed with how respectfully and logically you replied to questions about your faith or lack thereof. The money you spent on your religious studies seems to be paying off!
I too have suffered from depression off and on for many years which I partially attribute to my guilt ridden, perfectionistic, JW upbringing. I was on Effexor for many years also and found it to be the best of the anti-depressants I tried.
Right now, I am of a similiar mind to you. I am not believing in God, nor am I disbelieving. I keep an open mind to all points of view and yet am dogmatic about none. This may seem wishy washy to some, but through recent wise counsel I have received, I have come to realize that part of the great distress we put upon ourselves, especially those with JW backgrounds, is in believing that we have to have all the answers to the universe. We think we need to know the "truth" so we can make the right decisions in our lives. In reality, the "truth" is not entirely knoweable, and it is OK to decide not to decide until we have more information on the origins of the universe or until God has revealed himself in some way to us. When decisions need to be made, we make them with the best knowledge we have at the time, and if they later turn out to be wrong, we don't have to beat ourselves up for that. (There's always lots of judgemental people willing to do that for us! lol)
Anyway, I'm 43 and have just come to this understanding. If you are really only 19, then you are way ahead of the game in wisdom and maturity. I'd like to talk with you in 20 years time. I think you will be a force to be reckoned with!
Sincerely,
Cog