What gets me even more is that I don't trust myself. We were constantly told "this is reality" when our senses and our intuition clearly said "no it's not." But of course we listed to what we were told, and learned not to listen to ourselves.
Then there's trying to figure life out outside of the JWs, trying to figure out the world of dating/college/etc - all the things you're not taught about, and so kind of trip and fall and stumble your way through.
And then I just get so incredibly pi**ed and that anger doesn't seem to do any good, just makes me edgy and irritable. And it's not a common thing anymore - I've been out for four years and I'm hardly on the board anymore, but I find when things get rough I come back here for some warm words and commiseration.
I know how this is. Our reality is so different from the reality of people around me. Skills they take for granted I pretend to have as well, because 1. they expect me to, and because 2. I don't want to not fit in any more. But it's rough. I contrast them and myself and I realize that I just don't have the same tools they have to survive in this world. But I am determined to survive. It's not our fault society let us down and we are not the only ones. There are lots of other broken people in the world that society failed too. If I have to fake it, I will, because nobody was there for me as a child going through this crap and I have every right to live here in this world as the "normal" people. Tammy