Dang Ballistic, that was one of the most profound posts I've read from you buddy!
Funny how many dubs who exit go a bit wild. I remember believing that once you were Dfed, you might as well "do it all" because if armageddon came, you were toast anyways since your in a Dfed condition and "out" of the Organisation. Maybe they trained us to go wild once we're apart from god....who knows.
( of the I ain't went REAL wild class cuz I been married since I was 18 )