Yeah, I know it's long...so???? Anyone want to add to the list?
You might be a JW-------
1. If your reaction to someone wearing a Cross is the same
as a vampire's, you might be a JW.
2. If you think demons can reduce their size to fit in jewelry,
furniture, books, anything bought at a yard sale, or into blue smurfs, you might be a JW.
3 If you equate the numbers 1 to 5 with hours on a time slip, you
might be a JW (just not a very good one)
4. If you feel that death is much more important than birth, you
might be a JW
5. If you think all R-rated movies are not worth seeing, you might
be a JW
6. If you think all men with beards and long hair are not acceptable,
you might be a JW
7. If you think that Circuit Overseers do not receive a salary,
you are a JW
8. If you think Circuit and District Overseers stay in cheap hotels
or the drafty homes of common neighborhood folk during conventions,
your are a JW.
9. If you think Jesus hasn't accomplished much of anything for
the past 83 years, you aren't the only JW who does.
10. If you think JW's are not a cult, you are a pitiful JW
11. If you think the WTS is not capable of mind control, you are a JW
12. If you think field service is other than working in the corn fields,
you might be a JW.
13. If you think elders are other than elderly people, you might be a
JW.
14. If the newspaper headlines read, "All humans on earth are smashed, and destroyed on Christmas day. Only JW's survive!!", and this would bring joy to your heart, you'd be a JW
15. If you have constant pain in your right shoulder and can't
unclasp your right hand, you probably have bookbagitis, a disease
unique to JWs
16. If you can't have a conversation with another human being without
hearing a voice in your head saying, "CONVERT HIM OR DIE!", you are
probably a Dub.
17. If you are a male and sitting in a Kingdom Hall when a very good
looking young lady comes down the aisle in a mini skirt, and your first thought is, "How immodest that sister is!" rather than,"Oh THANK GOD!!", then most likely you're a jdub
18.If you eat a Turkey on Thanksgiving and feel guilty about it but
insist that it is only because they were "on sale", you are a Dub.
19.If you have costume parties for the "young ones" within a month of
Halloween, and, if you wrap presents in brown paper to give to each
other on "Family Gift Day", you are not only a Dub but a Worldly
Wannabe and aren't fooling anybody.
20.If you have awful dreams about getting caught holding someone else's cigarette and no one will believe you that it's not yours, your're probably a Dub.
21.If you can't buy a pair of shoes without thinking about how
comfortable they will need to be while walking down residential
streets in 95 degree heat, then your're a Dub.
22.If you just bought a dress that comes down to your mid calf that has puffy sleeves, a collar that buttons to your chin and lace trim, then you are a Dub with a part on an Assembly. You might be even thinking about wearing makeup for the occasion.
23.If you have a child that is 3 years old that sits quietly for hours at a time while adults discuss mind numbingly boring topics around him, and you brag about him to all your friends....you might as well get a saddle for him and ride him because you broke his spirit and he is no longer a child. And you might be a Jehovah's Witness.
24. If you allow an organization to take the place of Christ, you are
most likely a JW.
25. If you think of an ark as an organization, you must be a JW.
26. If you believe that God ignored everyone for nearly 2,000 years,
then suddenly gave His truth to a man who sat around drawing
pictures and plans of pyramids, you must be a Jdub....
27 Or that God gave His truth to a small group of men who keep having
trouble getting their days and years straight, you might be a JW.
28.If you can't pick up a book, or anything else to read, without
picking up something to underline with also, you might be a JW
29. If you insist on calling the NT, the Greek Scriptures, you might be a JW
30.If you have a tendency to justify lying, cheating and stealing if you do it yourself, you might be a JW
31. If when you drive by a church building you suddenly feel all smug
and superior, you might be a JW
32. If when you drive by a Kingdom Hall you suddenly feel all warm and fuzzy, you might be a JW--or drunk, or both
33. If you feel you have a great wealth of Bible knowledge, you might be a JW
34. If you're sure your neighbors are all conspiring against you, you
might be a JW
35. If you've spent days at a baseball stadium and never saw a ball and didn't even have a beer, you might be a JW.
36. If you possess the ability to sing loudly and proudly even if you're tone deaf, you might be a JW.
37. If the only verse you can quote from memory is Psalms 83:18, you
might be a JW
38. If you're afraid of someone seeing you with a beer in your hand,
you might be a JW.
39. If you're always afraid someone might see and hear you when
you're just finally being "normal", you might be a JW.
40. If most of the songs you sing have numbers for titles, you might be a JW.
41. If the first names of most of your best friends are either-"brother" or "sister", you might be a JW.
42. If you've never watched Friends or Sienfeld, you might be a JW
43. If your church is a "hall" and a sermon is a "public talk", you
might be a JW.
44. If you wash cars or windows for a living but still own five suits, you might be a JW.
45. If you've never worn comfortable clothes in your life, you might
have been a JW, from birth
46. If you can have a bible study without a bible, you might be a JW
47. If you're 25 years old and have never kissed anyone but your mom,
you might be a JW
48. If you go to New York for the weekend and spend the whole day in a publishing factory in Brooklyn, you might be a JW
49. If the words "New Light" do not remind you of the hardware section at K-mart, you might be a JW
50. If you think morning coffee break is a perfect time to preach to
someone, you may be a JW.
51.If you think that service to God can be measured in hours, you might be a JW.
52.If you think men are superior to women, you may be a JW.
53.If you think sex is a yucky thing you must endure, you may be a
female JW.
54. If you think you're entitled to have sex regardless of what your wife thinks, says, or how she feels, you might be a male JW.
55.If you think that a higher education is bad for you, you may be a JW.
56.If you think bringing magazines to your hospitalized "worldy"
neighbor is the most loving thing you could do ... you might be a JW.
57.If you think it's unfaithful to God to get an education or get a good paying job, you might be a JW.
58.If you check The WT Index everytime you have a question about
anything, you might be a JW.
59.If you find out your coworker's mother died, and your first thought is not, "Oh, how awful," but, "This is a great opportunity to talk about the Kingdom!" ....you might be a JW.
60.If you think a Buick is a spiritually superior automobile...you might be a JW (Or you might be right):)
61.If the thought of entering a Christian book store sends shivers
up and down your spine, you might be a JW
62. If you expect to receive Christmas presents but not to give them,
you might be a JW
63.If hearing the term "governing body" causes you to become awestruck, you might be a JW
64.If you think the term pioneer refers to someone other than
Davy Crockett, you might be a JW
65.If you think of window washing as a career move you might be a JW.
66.If you think attending 5 meetings a week is a delightful spiritural experience, you might be a JW
67. If you think Santa is another word for Satan and the elves are
demons, you might be a JW
68.If you feel weak in the knees when you hear the term "apostate", you might be a JW
69.If you think your "mother" lives in New York City, you might be a JW
70. If you think all four door vehicles are "witness wagons", you
might be a JW
71. If you feel guilty for having natural desires, you might be a JW
72. If you think 1914 is the year to end all years, you might be a JW
73. If you think YOU conjectured the year 1975, you might be a JW
74. If your closet is full of cheap polyester suits, you might be a JW
75. If you never owned a Christmas tie, you might be a JW
76. If you think the sound of a door slamming shut is Christian
persecution, you might be a JW
77. If you think. Russell, Rutherford, and Franz are gods in heaven, you might be a JW
78. If you have a tendency to refer to books by color instead of by
title...You might be a JW.
79.If you read all of these, and didn't allow yourself to laugh...
...you're definitely a JW!
80. If you hear "Along the Watchtower" by Jimi Hendrix or "Walk of Life" by Dire Straits and you feel spiritually refreshed, you might be a JW
81. If you think the New World Translation is the least biased and most accurate translation, you might be a JW
82. If you think it took 1,935 years to get 144,000 true Christians, you might be a JW
83. If you think 1799 is the start of the last days, 1874 is when Christ returned, and 1914 is the conclusion of
Armageddon, you might be a very old, disfellowshipped JW
84. If you think "The Finished Mystery" which was released in 1917 was "meat in due season", you might be a JW who has
never read the book.
85. If you think the "Should You Believe in the Trinity" brochure is nothing but honest and accurate information, you might be a JW
86. If you think the destruction of Jerusalem occurring in 607 BCE is soundly supported by historical evidence, you might be a JW
87. If you think "Jehovah" was in the original writings of the New Testament, you might be a JW
88. If the Bible makes a statement and the Watchtower says, "Logically, this cannot mean what it says", and you believe the Watchtower is correct, you might be a JW
89. If you view cleaning up a messy backyard as practice for working in the New Order, you might be a JW
90. If gospel music makes you cringe, but secular music makes you feel good, you might be a JW
91. If you believe there was a Governing Body before 1971, you might be a JW
92. If you watch "Oprah" and you see the people who pass the microphones and it reminds you of a meeting, you might be a JW
93. If you believe that New Light that becomes Old Light and then becomes New Light again is God's way of doing things, you might be a JW
94. If you think the Watchtower was preaching the truth in the years 1914-1919, you are definitely a JW
95. If you go to "Home Depot" and go down the aisle where the doors for homes are displayed and you feel the urge to knock on them, you might be a JW
96. If the "ding-dong" sound on the Avon commercials gets you excited, you might be a JW
97. If going to 7-11 is something to look forward to, you might be a JW in field service
98. If you have no construction skills and you still go to all the nearby quick-build Kingdom Hall projects, you might be
a JW trying to get out of field service
99. If the WT Society used to preach a certain teaching years ago and you deny they ever did, you are a good JW
100. If you own a carpet-cleaning or janitorial business and have half the young men at the KH working for you "under the table", you just might be a JW.
April
"Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)