"You Love Them More Than Me" by Nancy Drake.
Parental-induced Heart Malady.
That is how this feels.
When you tell me I’m not good enough.
I used to be.
But now I’m not in your group
And I never will be.
I wanted to be right there with you.
Not because I believed.
But I loved you and needed you.
And I was an imposter
Because it tortured me to hurt you
But
Never again will I represent
The very group that says
It’s not okay to see your kid.
Above all the other bullshit that this nonsensical group says,
It’s not okay to see your kid
Because she made a stupid mistake?
That is where I draw this line.
So tell me…
Tell me something real.
No, I don’t want to hear
about how many people you got to join your damn group.
Or what a great speaker you are.
Or what a great actor you are (drama, drama)
Or how upbuilding it is to be with your brothers and your sisters
Who didn’t have the same mom or dad as you.
They only love you
Because there is no one else to love.
Help me understand,
Is it really so great,
That it’s worth this pain?
You say I’m still your daughter.
Please, don’t bother.
Don’t justify your choice.
I don’t want you to feel better.
Please
Just take some goddamn responsibility.
I didn’t choose to be without you.
Your group chose this for you.
You allowed yourselves to be caught up,
And lose something precious.
It’s your turn now…
Without the programmed response, please.
How did it feel?
To have a baby,
To raise her,
To watch her grow.
To get accustomed to her face
Her personality
To love her
(It seemed sincere. Was it?)
And then with her one false step…
Make her life altering decision
Without a second thought.
You didn’t lose her.
You pushed her out of your life.
So
Don’t proselytize your feelings.
Just tell me how your heart felt.
Like someone ripped it
From your chest
And put it on shelf
And then asked you about the weather
That’s how it feels,
When I realize you just love them
More than me.