by Cabin in the woods 30 Replies latest social relationships
We have so many wise and well read people here on JWD so I thought that I would just toss this out and see if I could get some new enlightenment on this.
Are there any other references that I have not seen in the scriptures ( and I have looked pretty hard for this) that would allow divorce that are considered 'acceptable' ? Am I just spinning my wheels in that foolishness still?
I really need advice in this area. Thanks in advance.
Cab
adultery (committed but proved to the elders satisfaction is the key)
death (do you have to prove the person is dead?)
Blondie
trying to fit the criteria for a scriptual divorce is very hard as a jehovahs witness.
one woman i know, her husband used his fingers to molest their grandkids, and she DID divorce him but was told if she remarried she'd be commiting adultry and would be df'd. (he admired the elders stand on this so much he got baptized and lived in the kingdom halls downstairs apartment for years)
she waited 20 yrs till he died to remarry .
you CAN divorce ... really for any reason.. but you cannot remarry without disfellowshippment or other disciplinary actions unless your spose is dead or its known that they committed adultry.
"till death do you part"---Now does that mean "physical" death or could it mean death of who you are. I personally think that if the person you married is killing you inside it is enough to get out.
Moanzy
Cabin in the Woods,
After years of emotional verbal abuse, a cheating husband that Elders kept insisting I take back because he was a good man, I finally told them to stick the bible and its commandments up their behinds. I was finished with their baloney and the bibles baloney and I got the heck out. I am happier now with a real man who treats me like a queen. I would not go back to that baloney the Elders fed me for 30 years for nothing. You do not have to stay in a miserable marriage just because a bunch of old men tell you to. Man or woman don't put up with it.
Balsam
Thanks guys, I do not know why I feel that is still important and NOT for the elders to be involved I think that it is just something that is still stuck in the shadows of my being.
Moanzy and Balsam ... I want some of what makes you strong!!!! In fact, make mine a double You are right though. I do not give a flying damn about the 'elders' or the religion I just sometimes would like to know that I am going through life with as little damage as possible to the people around me. I guess that I have to work through this damn guilt.
I divorced my first husband many, many years ago and the elders told me not to but I had more guts then. I also had babies that were getting hurt by him . That makes such a difference.
I appreciate all that answered me. Going through some really difficult decision making times
cab
If you want to remain in good standing and remarry again without the elders coming after you then yes adultery and death are the only ways out of a JW marriage.
If you could give a shit about being a JW in good standing then get divorced, the elders can't stop you. You'd better not start dating someone again though or they will call out the gestapo on you.
Upon leaving the Org. my wife and I seperated and then divorced. We realized that although we had a good friendship we were not cut out to be marriage mates and were only together because of our religious beliefs.
My wife mentioned the axiom "if you love something set it free..." And I agreed. So for us the divorce was an act of love on both of our parts and consequently each have NO guilt. We continue to be great friends and support each other even now.
I don't know that there's any easy answer but to move forward in love. Love that is in YOUR heart. To most others, our divorce looks like a terrible thing but we both know the true motivation and that's all that matters.
Candidlynuts - she could have murdered him and repented - with 12 women on the jury she would have been remarried within the year.
I got divorced before I became a dub but I might as well have been one, it wrecked me so much....which I now think is a shame. Not that I think its good to take things too lightly or to go into something like marriage without commitment but, in addition to the emotional/physical abuse scenario, people and circumstances change. I don't see sticking with something that has become a nightmare if you are able to get out of it, especially if children aren't involved.
(((Cabin)))
