A couple of weeks ago my favourite thing (Mr Frass) and I were breakfasting and heard a knock on the door. I was dubious and figured it can only be them, so I made no rush to answer it. Mr Frass did, as I hid, and Brother AnxiousSmiles started up his presentation. As I heard the words 'what we're doing today... you may have seen this magazine' my reaction was to run to the door, pull Mr Frass in, and close it behind him. He barely had time to say 'err, I think you're at the wrong door', as she giggled and said 'have a good day'. I didn't see them, and I think they only got a glimpse of sleeve.
*Flashback* I recognised their voices as the earnest newlywed pioneer couple whose night I ruined last year when they turned around to me after the meeting, smiling, and said, 'so, did you go to the wedding?'. It was my first meeting in months and in a new congregation to boot, so it's not like I knew what was going on. I did some instant maths and pulled together a forgiving smile and told them I was disfellowshipped as quickly as was polite. Watching their expressions change was like being the cop calling at 2 am with news of a road accident... Sweet kids. Sadly deluded. I remember wanting to talk; I'd just got back from my honeymoon, and thought there's surely something better they could be doing at this time of night. Anyway I'm disappointed that my reaction was so instantly bitter and hostile. I was kind of hoping that when somebody came by I'd be able to say something important; I've rehearsed saying 'my mum joined your cult, and it destroyed our family'. Short, hard, and true. Still, it's not like I could make a difference here; I'm not well-known but it's likely that they'd recognise me and dismiss anything I say as apostate. It made me realise that I still have a long way to go. Anyway I figured I was a Don't Call in this territory and it hadn't occurred to me that I'd get a visit. A year I've lived here now. At least they're not covering the territory very quickly.
That and my crazywoman reaction to my brother in law's sod-off email tipped me off that I'm not getting over this thing as quickly as I could. I probably need to talk about it more. I've stopped worrying that I'm exploiting Mr Frass' compassion and reminded myself that he's my husband so he asked for it. I'm making use of the contacts I have to blurt out every dark thought I get about it. And I spend a lot of time here. I just wish I could speed it up hey?