The cancer has changed my wife

outoftheorg

We found out that she has pancreatic cancer that has spread to the liver and blood vessels. She opted for chemo. Although we have good insurance, we still have to pay quite a bit towards the $17000.00 bill every three weeks for treatment. At the begining the Drs' also found that one of the ducts from the gall bladder was closed and they installed a stint. Things looked better for a while and then again the stint became clogged and had to be removed and replaced. At this point the chemo had been so devastating that we thought it may kill her. The dr' that replaced the stint wanted to talk to us and he pointed out that the Oncologist "cancer specialist" is always looking only at trying to extend ones life. He suggested that Donna think about the quality of her life as it is now and that it will stay that way as long as the chemo is used, Donna and I had already had similar thoughts. But he pointed our what we had been unwilling to address and that is that her expected life time is to be looked at with months and not years. So Donna decided to drop the chemo and life her life out with the use of pain releavers. There is another treatment that was brought to our attention by an old man in our town had used and the doctors are telling him that his cancer no longer shows on the cat scans. It is a rather drastic herbal treatment that also disturbs the various organs in the body but not in such a severe manner. Donna has lost about 70 lbs. and the stress is showing in many ways. The stress is almost more than I can handle. It seems that the stress comes in many forms and directions. An example is when she told her younger son about the cancer, his response among others was "what is going to happen to this place" the house we own. Then her three adult sons were disturbed that I have more children than Donna does and they might get more than they would. Not exactly what we need to hear and deal with at this point. We also have some renters who can't pay their rent and we are having to go to court to get them to move out. Idaho has some wierd laws that allow the renters more rights than the owners in some situations. Both of us seem to be easier angered and we sometimes have to apologize to each other. I really don't have any idea about what I will do when she passes away. I feel totally lost and confused about the present and the future. I notice the stress seems to be causing me to forget things,I expect some of this is due to age, 70 yrs. Is when many of us start to begin loosing our faculties. We had so many things planned when Donna retires two years from now and now it looks like most of these plans will not see completion. I am going to see my Dr. about dealing with the stress and if any of you have a sure thing ha ha let me know OK? Outoftheorg of the lost ones

greendawn

I don't know if it's my browser but I can't see anything under the title of your topic.

MerryMagdalene

I can't see anything either.

~Merry

outoftheorg

I don't know what happened but I had to go back and use "edit" to put the story in.

Outoftheorg

luna2

Ah, there it is...and I'm so sorry, outoftheorg. What a devastating situation. I'm rather surprised by her kids' responses. Their mother is fighting for her life, and losing, and they are concerned about themselves, the house, and their possible future inheritance. That's just ugly.

I wish I had a good recipe for controlling stress. I'm not dealing well with stress myself these days and my problems are nothing so serious as yours. A short temper is a normal reaction to stress, but its good to try to find other ways to cope if possible. I hear deep breathing is helpful. I must remember to give it a try myself.

(((outoftheorg & wife)))

wednesday

Please be gentle with yourself and your wife. you have never been down this road before. This is a road we may all have to walkdown, but until you do, you have no idea what to expect. Try and simplfy your life as much as possible. Try and be there for your wife,and if any of the kids seem to have it together, enlist them for help. Hopefully one of the kids can be a support for you.Hopefully you can get those renters out of there. Try and find a local cancer support group. I think cancer .org may be of some help or they have a phone number.

It sounds like your children are in some shock, they really have not had a chance to digest this all. I'm sure they love both of you, everyone deals with this in their own way.

I hope others will come to this thread and offer some practical things for you. If you have found a faith to replace jws, now is a good time to embrace it.

Don't get in too much hurry to make decisions or do anything. You have time to decide things. Don't rush yourself.

my God be with you and your wife.

weds

metatron

You might want to look at a cheap treatment that dramatically halted cancer growth in lab rats:

"Seaweed Prevents Breast Cancer?"

Jpn J. Cancer Research 92,483-487, May 2001 The photos ( very gross) are nonetheless quite powerful.

I'd also investigate the "MWO Lakhovsky" device. I really want to do some personal research on these myself but I need to gather

the time and money together.....

Best wishes. My wife is a cancer survivor.

metatron

serendipity

((( out of the org))) I think it's to be expected that this is a stressful time. Try to simplify your life as much as possible and try to enjoy the time you have left with your wife.

MerryMagdalene

I'm so sorry ((((((((((Outoftheorg & wife)))))))))). I pray that you will find ways to add both quantity and quality to your time together now.

I think good advice, whatever our age or state of health, includes making the very most of every moment to whatever extent is possible: meals of simple, healthful foods, lovingly prepared and shared; focal points of beauty in the immediate environment--a picture or a flower; holding hands and practicing focused deep breathing and relaxation together; creating a time and space to express the whole range of one's thoughts and feelings and then release them... It can be hard to carve out any time or energy to do this when everything else is a whirlwind of daily chores and battles, pain and fear, but...if not not now, when? if not us, who?

I hope you can find the strength to do whatever it is that will give you what you need.

You were one of the first people to reach out and make me feel welcome to this forum. If I can do anything for you and your family, please let me know. Would you and/or your wife feel supported by prayers, distance reiki, cards, other (please specify)? We can add her to our on-line vigil.

~Merry

jgnat

Both of us seem to be easier angered and we sometimes have to apologize to each other. I really don't have any idea about what I will do when she passes away. I feel totally lost and confused about the present and the future.

That sounds very normal.

I notice the stress seems to be causing me to forget things,I expect some of this is due to age, 70 yrs. Is when many of us start to begin loosing our faculties.

I think this is mostly the stress. Carry around a notepad and a pocket calendar everywhere you go. I bet your memory will improve once the current crisis is over.

I am going to see my Dr. about dealing with the stress and if any of you have a sure thing ha ha let me know OK?

I wish my dad was here to give you advice, he's just been through it. He was so strong and brave and protective as my beloved Myrna passed away. Go find a family friend to run interference for you and keep away all disturbing influences. Keep the visits from self-absorbed children and relatives to a minimum. This is your time, demand respect! Near the end, the cancer had spread to Myrna's brain, and she was able to tolerate only the shortest of visits, and no sudden changes in topic, no sudden movements. Dad read us all the riot act and if we overstayed our welcome, he booted us all out. The palliative care unit was wonderful. The waiting room had a full kitchenette, low lighting, and big easy chairs. Dad slept a lot there. How did dad deal with the stress? He did what he had to do. He slept. Afterwards, he kept himself busy.

The cancer has changed my wife

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