Medical Humor

by startingover 2 Replies latest social humour

  • startingover

    A man came into the ER yelling, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff and rushed out to the cab, lifted lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. That's when I noticed that there were several cabs . . . and I was in the wrong one! ~ Dr. Mark MacDonald,

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    At the beginning of my shift, I had placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.

    ~ Dr. Richard Byrnes, ~

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    One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

    ~ Dr. Susan Steinberg, , ~

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    I was performing a complete physical, including the Visual Acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now, your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now, both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked. He was standing with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

    ~ Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, ~

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    During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new patch every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patches before applying a new one.

    ~ Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, ~

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    While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Not for about twenty years when my husband was alive."

    ~ Dr. Steven Swanson, ~

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    I was caring for a woman and asked, "So, how was your breakfast this morning?" She replied, "It was very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste." I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet of KY Jelly.

    ~ Dr. Leonard Kransdoft, ~

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    A nurse was on duty in the ER, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoo's and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo that read 'Keep Off The Grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

    ~ Nursing Supervisor ~

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    A new MD doing his residency in was quiet embarrassed performing female exams. To cover his embarrassment, he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged patient suddenly burst out laughing, which further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I Wish I Was An Oscar Meyer Wiener'."

    ~ The doctor wouldn't admit his name ~

  • Sad emo
    Sad emo

    Those were very good - I especially liked the appendicitis one!

    Thanks for posting them startingover

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    LMAO! I especially enjoyed the whistling gyno!

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