I rember very clearly the exact moment I knew they had been leading me around by the nose all my life. I was sitting on the floor in the library comparing the book "LIFE-HOW DID IT GET HERE? BY EVOLUTION OR BY CREATION?" with a book it quotes from extensively called "THE NECK OF THE GIRAFFE" by Francis Hitching. I compared the quotes in the CREATION book with what was actually written in this other book and saw that the quotes did not convey the original meaning from this book. I had not attended meetings since 1990 and this was now 1993 but it was at that point that I decided I wasn't going back.
How did I get to this point?
Well unlike most JW's I went to college. Of course I was an outcast because of this but as a loner it didn't bother me much.
Then I went and without telling anyone took a biology class on evolution and that is how I ended up in the library studying both of these books on the floor in a back corner.
I was shocked to discover the discrepancy in the L:IFE HOW DID IT GET HERE book. Up until then I always believed they were telling me the truth. But before I left the library I decided that a group that could not get a quote right was not going to tell me how to run my life.
Then I got angry at the past: several surgeries as a sick child with my mother refusing blood transfusions. Not even being allowed to store and use my own blood when I had a thyroid cyst removed when I was 16. Being a sickly and unpopular kid in school and then having to deal with the rules of this religion on top of that. Like I wasnt bad off enough without them.
The friend who died sick in a hospital bed after confesing some mistake and still being disfellowshipped. They would have never known without the confession. He was very sick and then grieveing being disfellowshipped. It is only my opinion but I can't get out of my head that they sped along his death or even caused it. Then few JW's attended the funeral.
I told my mother about comparing these books and the quotes but she insisted it was accidental with no intention to mislead on their part.
I decided to put the past behind me and started selling my old books on ebay but as I type this I now realize that the past still does and always will be a part of me and will probably hurt. So I'm keeping this here blue bookl and putting it back on the self as a reminder to me that my past made me what I am today and I'm going to be just fine.