The crazy English language

by HappyDad 4 Replies latest social humour

  • HappyDad

    This was sent to me by a friend but it sure sounds like something George Carlin would do.


    Can you read these right the first time?

    wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

    lead if he would get the lead out.

    desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum

    dove dove into the bushes.

    object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

    close to the door to close it.

    does funny things when the does are present.

    sewer fell down into a sewer line.

    sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

    tear in the painting I shed a tear. 19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

    intimate this to my most intimate friend? Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing , grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth ? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese ? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught ? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with " quick "

    You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .. There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP." It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car . At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special . And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning and

    UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP . When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP . When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP . One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so............ Time to shut UP .....! more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?.... U-P

  • stillajwexelder

    English is very Tow

  • ballistic

    What's up Stilla?

  • wombat

    I've got a few young Japanese friends who email me to practice their English.

    I may forward this to them. Maybe then they will give up on English and leave me alone.

    How hard it must be for a foreigner to learn the language.

  • greendawn

    That's the nature of the English language because it is not phonetic whereby each letter has only one sound, so you can get a word written in the same fashion having a different pronounciation and meaning. It's also possible to have words written differently but having the same pronounciation eg deer/dear.

    As for irregular verbs and nouns many languages have these.

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