by lowden 20 Replies latest jw friends
When was it! What occasion or occurrence or experience made you finally say....ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!!
For me it was the insensitive and unfeeling way they treated me whilst DFed....for 4 yrs. I tried and tried to please....but to no avail.
What capped it all off for you...tell me your experiences
Peace
Lowden
When they kicked me out for conduct unbecoming a christian as the old timers remember, I decided then that I would not be going back. I became the black sheep of the family.
When the elders were insisting that the FDS had the absolute monopoly of knowledge and that it was wrong to criticise them or give them advice on any issue, on the pain of expulsion from the cult. The most provocative part was that even if the FDS later came round to the ideas of an "apostate" they still wouldn't apologise to him but would carry on labelling him an apostate.
Well I came in when I was ten and I hated every second of it. I didn't understand my parents reasoning for taking a study, so I just went along with it. And they pressured me into getting baptized. I just never really felt like the religion was my own. I always knew I stood out and that I am not going to be in it forever.
I was raised as a JW, so what I actually observed is that when my brother, whom is older than I by 7 years, was publicly disassociated by the elders, although not baptized, my other brothers and I were all treated differently. I was only like 10 when it happened, but I remember that my friends could no longer come to our house, etc. Then, as I got older, anytime anything happened with the kids my age and I was in any way around at the time, I was blamed for it. This happened to my other two brothers as well. For years, I tried to make it right with everyone and tried to be soooo good. I was reproached over and over and over again. My skirts were too short (they were longer than most of the elders wives.), I was a "vixen"(I was like 11!), I should be baptized (although the PO wouldn't let me), on and on and on. At about 13 or 14, I realized what was going on and decided that if I was going to be blamed and punished for everything, I might as well have some fun. And even then, I still was pretty dang good compared to most standards.
Eventually, my parents switched congregations, and of course, the elders felt it necessary to warn the new congregation about us troublemakers. So it took precisely one month for the blame to start flying on crap that happened before we even got there! It was totally ridiculus, and in a discussion with an elder, I caught him in a lie. So I called him on it and told them they were a bunch of hypocrites, and good luck finding a new scapegoat.
As a child, they destroyed my relationship with God, took away my self esteem, and have caused a life long struggle with distrust of people. Every single elder I knew should've gone to jail for emotional abuse. There was only one elder that ever tried to stand up and defend me and my brothers and he was almost defrocked, or whatever the hell they call it, for his efforts. I could never enter a KH for fear of punching out an elder. I can't even bear to see children out in service. This haunts me...
it was page 9, par. 3 of the Is There a Creator book that snapped something in my mind. i knew i would never be a witness when i was done, regardless of what i did turn out to be. i don't have the quote though. but it's like the governing body gave me permission to go against them if i had to and be as honest as i could, with that paragraph. it's trippy, but it's like they set me free.
ts
page 9, par. 3 of the Is There a Creator
"We invite all who have an open mind to consider this subject. The Book Belief in God and Intellectual Honesty notes that one who possesses "intellectual honesty" is characterized by a "readiness to scrutinize what one believes to be true" and "to pay sufficient attention to other evidence available."
Hmmmmm...
Nina
yes nina! thanks for that! that's the one. it was like if they could use that to try to get someone to check out their religion, then does that not leave me at full liberty to apply the exact same logic to myself? like you know, practice what you preach? and then, right then at that moment, i realized i basically knew nothing, apart from what i had read in wts pubs, about evolution or biology. i mean, where was my "open mind"? and that was my undoing right there, because now i could go and read all i wanted, and be as intellectually honest as possible, and i would come out on top according to them. and they were right, i did.
ts
Well, it was about the third time they booted me. I am a bit stubborn, and do not give up easy...but I had enough. Although I had proof of what I had told the elders...about a month later... I never took it to them. It was not worth it. I found I did not want it anymore. so I still have the proof, and it still is not tempting to give it to anyone. I keep it kind of like having a reminder of my decision. It is like they did not boot me anymore...I did not go back. Just a perspective that might be off a bit, but it helped me deal.
There have been nagging doubts about various issues since I was about 10 and first read the Bible. Even a child could see that the old law covenant of the Jews had a lot of discrimination and unfairness in it for something that was supposed to be a perfect law of Jehovah. But hey, I was 10 what did I know, I put it out of my mind and did what I was told.
Later, in my 20's, I thought some of the "evidence" that the Bible was God's word was quite circular ie. "We know the Bible is from God because the Bible writer's tell us so"! Say what?
In my 30's the change in the meaning of a "generation" was a very "upsetting" for me. How come I was the only one noticing this? You can't just change the meaning of a word because it ain't working for you anymore!
The denial of the child sexual abuse scandals pissed me off too because I had very close friends who had been through it and I knew the truth!
But the final straw, or penny if you will, was around age 40 when the 2004 article on allowable blood fractions came out. By this time, I had a couple years of biochemistry and pathophysiology behind me from my nursing studies. Honestly, the society had more credibility with me when they had the total blood ban. Minor fractions are allowed since the Bible doesn't comment on them, but major fractions are not allowed (why because the bible does comment on them?) And the whole major and minor fraction thing. What a load of horseshit! I just checked out mentally after that. But then I got really pissed off because this crazy org was actually asking me to let my child die if need be for this crap!
This 30 year journey of recognition has made me realize how much cognitive dissonance the mind is really capable of in order to protect a judgemental belief system that we have been taught is necessary for our very survival.
That's my rant for the day. Great thread!
Cog
