Driving in Dallas

by Sparkplug 5 Replies latest jw friends

  • Sparkplug

    DRIVING IN Dallas When you are the first one on the starting line,

    count to five when the light turns green before

    going to avoid crashing with

    all the drivers running the red light in

    Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life

    and a permanent form of


    We had sooo much fun with that we have added George

    Bush Freeway and the

    High Five to the mix.

    All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase,

    "Oh, we're in !"

    If someone actually has his or her turn signal on,

    it is probably a factory defect.

    Car horns are actually "Road Rage" indicators.

    Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly

    Greenville Ave,Ave K, and

    Highway 5.

    It ends in Sherman .

    The North Dallas Toll-Way is our daily version of


    The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North

    Toll Road is 85.

    Anything less is considered downright sissy.

    It also ends in Sherman.

    If asking directions in or , you

    must have knowledge of


    If in central or on Harry Hines, Mandarin

    Chinese will be your

    best bet.

    If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak,

    you better be armed...

    and remember, it's legal to be armed in Texas.

    The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and is not ornamental!!

    A trip across town east to west will take a minimum

    of four hours,

    although many north/south freeways have un-posted

    minimum speeds of 75.

    It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound

    lane of East NW Highway.

    Don't let this confuse you.
    LBJ is called "The Death Trap" for two reasons:

    "death" and"trap."

    If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next


    If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort

    Worth Stock Show is going


    If It has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the

    Byron Nelson Golf Classic is

    in the second round (if it's Spring)

    and it is the Texas State Fair if it's Fall.

    If you go to the Fair, pay the $8.00 to park .

    Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for

    damages, towing fees, parking
    tickets, etc.

    If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in

    his yard, run over him.

    Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, racetracks,
    airports, etc. are

    conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as

    possible so as to allow

    for ample parking on grassy areas.

    Final Warning:

    Don't Mess With Texas Drivers ... remember,

    it's legal to be armed in Texas !

  • crazyblondeb

    I think I just laughed SOOOO hard I peed my pants!! My gut hurts sssoooo bad from laughing.

    I've been back in Misery, oops, Missouri a month. But I am SSSOOOOOO homesick for Texas, especially Dallas. All those places that are described I can see like it was yesterday! And believe it or not, I MIGHT have had road rage a time or two!! (Yea, right!)I did private nursing for all the Emergency rooms around there, especially Methodist! Talk about a rough neighborhood! The hospital had their own private police department. They escorted nursing staff in and out of the hospital.

    On all those highways-like I-35, I-75, and all the toll roads you never drop below 80mph or you'll get a ticket, or worse yet, ran over.

    Shelley's rules on those highways: Inner lanes are for slow drivers, middle lanes are for passing, inside lane is SHELLEY'S lane.It's OK to use it, but if I'm on the road, stay the hell out of my way!!


    That's why I loved the night shifts!

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    LOL, Sparky! This reminds me of why I preferred to work nights when living in Dallas area....heh

    It also reminds me of this post... http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/107822/1.ashx


  • Sparkplug

    OMG Frannie- I have tears coming out of my eyes. That is so funny. A belly roll!!

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    Well.....if I don't have friends in the car with me, in case of accident.........I'll just pop for the "trunk monkey"


  • IMustBreakAway

    ARGH>>> you reminded me i was stuck in dallas traffic two weeks ago. spent two hours on 35E south.. (not sure how it was east and south but that was the name of the road...)

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