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by Belief 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • Belief

    I'm here studying religion for school and personal reasons. To be honest i'm not a JW, i'm a Baptist Christian. I have a few friends who are JW and one of them greatly influenced my thoughts about Jehovah. (I grew up with her) I want to learn more about WTS so that I can understand her and others more.

  • Legolas

    So what would you like to ask/know?

  • mrsjones5

    ask and you shall receive

  • greendawn

    Welcome to the forum Belief, let us know your questions, the issues you want clarified.

  • Belief

    How does a JW girl decide who she will marry if she can't date?

  • juni

    First of all, you have to be of an age where you are mature enough to know the responsibilities that marriage entails. If you know of someone whom you feel you'd like to get to know better for this reason, then it has been advised that you stay in a group for a time to observe. Then if this person seems like "the one" then it's suggested that you have supervised dates. Also, you should ask for the input of elders as far as his/her spiritual maturity state.

    And that's it..............

    Juni :)

  • candidlynuts

    jw girls get the most romantic of proposals..

    " lets get married so we can have sex and move out of our parents homes"

  • MerryMagdalene



    In some places a young man is allowed to be with a young girl only when at least one of the parents, or some other older person, is present. In many Western lands, however, such young persons may often be together without a chaperon. The question is, then, where such wider area of freedom is permitted, what can a young person do to assure that courtship will lead to a truly happy and successful marriage?


    Freedom always brings with it responsibility. So, if this question is one that you now face, you do well to keep in mind the fine principle set out in the Bible at Galatians 5:13. Here the apostle Paul was, of course, speaking of the spiritual freedom that Christianity brought to those embracing it. But the principle applies to any kind of freedom, especially if we want our exercise of it to bring fine results and God’s favor. The apostle writes: "You were, of course, called for freedom, brothers; only do not use this freedom as an inducement for the flesh, but through love slave for one another." Genuine love—for God and for our neighbor, including the person we may be courting—will help us to avoid using any freedom we have in a selfish, harmful way.


    Properly, courting should be carried on with marriage as its goal. So, it should not begin before the person is ready to take on marriage responsibilities. Of course, you cannot know right at the start whether you want to marry a person or not. So it makes sense not to be too quick in settling your attention on any one individual. But this is no reason for carrying on "courtships" that amount to no more than a mere flirtation or a series of flirtations.


    Even if you are "interested" in someone, you would be wise, for a while, to try to keep your association with such one as merely part of a group, in group activities. Why? Because, in those circumstances, you can often get a better idea of what a person is really like. This is because we all incline to be more "ourselves" when we are not under the pressure of feeling that someone is paying us special attention. But when a couple separates from the group, the natural tendency from then on is to be what the other person wants you to be, even to mirror his or her likes and dislikes. And sometimes this can camouflage one’s real personality. When paired off, a couple can also quickly become emotionally involved so that they begin to see each other through "rose-colored glasses." If a couple get married under the flush of such emotion, they often face a rude awakening.


    Generally, it is the man who initiates courtship, by expressing interest in the woman. If he is honest and serious about it, she has the right to believe that he is at least contemplating marriage. Then what? Well, she then has a responsibility to ask herself whether she believes she could consider marriage with him. If she is quite certain that she would not consider him as a prospective husband, then it would be cruel for her to allow him to develop a deep interest in her. Some girls have been willing to let someone court them just to enhance their appearance of popularity or eligibility, hoping that other young men would now notice them. Some young men have done similarly, thinking they can "play the field," have a good time and then depart before things get too serious. But such selfish use of one’s freedom can cause real hurt, severe wounds that may take months, even years, to heal.


    Only if used unselfishly can the freedom to court bring benefits. It can afford an opportunity to become better acquainted with the person with whom you are considering spending the rest of your life. Depending on how honest each one is toward the other, you can get to learn each other’s likes and dislikes, standards, habits and outlooks, yes, and each other’s temper and disposition and reaction to problems or difficulties. You rightly want to know such things as: Is he or she kind, generous and considerate of others? What about respect for parents and older persons? Is there good evidence of modesty and humility, or is the person boastful, stubborn? Do I see self-control and balance or, instead, weakness and childishness, perhaps sulking or even tantrums? Since a large part of life is work, what about signs of laziness, irresponsibility or a wasteful attitude toward money? What about plans for the future? Is a family desired or is there interest in some special vocation? In an article entitled "Danger Signals in Courtship," one writer states: "Our study of engaged and happily and unhappily married people found the unhappily married were in little agreement on life goals and values."


    Above all, you should want to know how much God’s purposes figure in the other’s interests and plans. Yes, when the whole picture is filled out, how well suited are you for each other? If serious differences exist, do not fool yourself into thinking that marriage will automatically solve them. It may only make the friction that they cause be felt more keenly.




    In lands where unchaperoned association is allowed by parents, couples who are courting often engage in expressions of affection such as holding hands, kissing, even embracing. Parents, of course, have the obligation to instruct their sons and daughters as to the standards by which they want them to conduct themselves. Elders in the Christian congregation can direct young people’s attention to the sound guiding principles found in God’s Word, and anyone who honestly wants to take a wise course in life will willingly and gladly give heed to such counsel.


    Not only does the Bible definitely rule out fornication, which is sexual intercourse by unmarried persons, including engaged couples, it also warns against immorality and "uncleanness," which can take place during courtship. (Galatians 5:19-21) Any couple that heed these warnings will save themselves much grief and will not run the risk of having the memories of some misconduct come back to trouble them. But what is unclean conduct according to the Bible’s standards? What can it include?


    Holding hands can be a clean expression of affection between persons contemplating marriage. True, it does have a stimulating effect, but this is natural and not necessarily bad. Why, just the sight of the person one is considering marrying may also stimulate, ‘making the heart beat faster.’ (Song of Solomon 4:9) Nevertheless, we need to remember that, human nature being what it is, physical contact does increase the "pull" of sexual attraction. So, because of realizing the possible consequences to which it might lead, some persons may prefer to limit themselves very strictly as to physical contact during courtship. And no one should disparage or make light of their conscientious position.


    Kissing may also be a clean expression of affection between persons contemplating marriage—or it may not be. Really, the question is, To what extent does passion enter the picture? Kissing can be done in a way that stirs passion to the point that a couple are deeply aroused sexually. Sexual arousal prepares the couple for intercourse, but this privilege, according to God’s law, is reserved only for married persons. If a couple knowingly flaunt God’s law by deliberately and brazenly engaging in passion-arousing conduct, whether by caressing each other’s sexual organs or otherwise, they are guilty of "uncleanness" and "loose conduct."


    We ought to be honest with ourselves. If we know we do not have strong self-control in these things, then we should not jeopardize our future or that of the other person by taking chances. Would you drive a car down a steep winding road if you knew its brakes were in poor shape? The time to make up your mind and settle your heart on these matters is before you begin, not after. Once the physical desires begin to stir, it is generally very difficult to stop their buildup. Those who let passion build up in them to the point of desiring sexual relations—when they are not entitled to these through marriage—subject themselves to tension and frustration. It is like reading an exciting book—only to find that the last chapter has been torn out.


    Those who keep their relationship in courtship on a high level will get off to a far better start in marriage than those giving in to intimacy that steadily increases in frequency and intensity. How much respect can a girl feel for someone that she has to ‘keep fighting off’? But a young man who shows respectful restraint and strength of willpower earns respect. The same is true of a girl. And she particularly needs to realize that, whereas her feelings may require time to be stirred, this is seldom true of a male. He can easily and quickly become sexually aroused.


    Giving in to frequent and increasingly passionate expressions can lead to a premature marriage. The book Adolescence and Youth says: "The early stages of courtship are often impossibly romantic. Marriage at that time might lead a person to expect more of the marriage than any marriage could realize. Lengthened courtship usually brings about a more reasonable understanding of the other person so that an understanding marriage may result." For such longer courtship, restraint must be exercised—otherwise the power of sexual drive may build up so early as to become a real danger.


    Serious doubts and suspicions may also crop up after marriage if passion is allowed to color the picture strongly during the courtship period. The couple may begin to wonder, Did we really marry for love? Or were we just caught up in passion? Was it a wise choice? The girl may also incline to doubt the genuineness of her husband’s love, wondering if he did not marry her just for her body and not for what she is as a person.


    So, to protect yourself and your future happiness, avoid situations that lend themselves to passion. Lonely places and darkness are not going to help you to keep courtship honorable. Nor will situations where time hangs heavily and there seems to be nothing else to do except engage in such expressions of affection. But much clean enjoyment can be had in such activities as skating, playing tennis or similar sports, having a meal together at a restaurant or visiting some museum or local place of interest and beauty. While enjoying some feeling of privacy because of not being around personal acquaintances, you will have the safeguard of not being completely isolated from other people.


    Too, instead of thinking just about what you are "missing" by showing restraint, think about what you are preparing for in the future. Then, in all the years to come, you will be able to look back on your courtship, not with distaste or regret, but with pleasure and satisfaction.

    --from the JW Youth book

    Welcome to the forum.


  • Mary

    And if you think their views on dating and courtship are antiquated, here's their advice on marital sex:

    *** Your Youth---Getting the Best Out of It chap. 3 pp. 22-23 Growing into Manhood ***

    The husband lies close to his wife so that his male organ fits naturally into her birth canal. This can give great pleasure to each of them. In the process, the husband’s sperm cells go out of his body through his male organ right into his wife’s birth canal. These sex cells move through the canal, and if a mature egg cell is there in the wife, one of her husband’s sperm cells may join with it, and the fertilized cell will begin to grow into a baby. So you see, God made the sex organs for a sacred purpose, that of passing on life. That is why it is proper that they be used according to God’s rules.

  • Belief

    Wow that's a lot....makes sense tho.

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