14 years ago I was a sophomore in high school and fell head over heels for a senior (we'll call him Mike) who wasn't really in to me. I was raised Catholic and he, a JW. I wrote him lots of notes, sent him teddy bears and tried to win his heart. It didn't work, he never showed much interest! But he was in my thoughts everyday and I longed to be with him. 2 years later I was dating someone else and ended up pregnant and married at 18. I still saw Mike here and there and everytime I saw him I got butterflies in my stomach and would be so sad for days or weeks. One time while married to my husband I ended up in a hotel room with Mike, not much happened but I have some great memories. I'm not the type of person that would cheat on my husband but with Mike, everything is different. I love him!!! Now 14 years later I still think about him everyday. I'm still married to my husband (not too happily) and Mike is now married to a MUCH older JW. I don't think he's that happy. I ran in to him a few days ago and we had breakfast together. It was the quickest 2 hours of my life. He told me he was sorry for hurting me all those years ago, he was immature and that he made a mistake. He had told me about 10 years ago that I didn't wait long enough for him, but at that time I had just gotten married and had a baby. I didn't know what to do and he was still immature!
Now he tells me the only reason we didn't work out was because I wasn't a JW and that he wasn't allowed to date until he was ready to get married. From our long conversation I know he has feelings for me. We were both so nervous to be around each other. I can feel the chemistry. Every time I would ask him what he was thinking he said, " I can't say or it might get me in trouble." We both had to get to work and when I hugged him good-bye I just wanted to die. I cried at work for almost an hour.
I've loved this man for 1/2 of my life and the only reason I couldn't be with him was his religion. Now he's married (with no kids), I'm married (with 2 kids) and I want nothing else but to be with him. His Dad is very involved with the Kingdom Hall and this is the only thing he has ever known. I don't think he would give it up for me and I don't know that I would want to become a JW for a man, but if it meant being with him, I would. But I'm sure they wouldn't accept us. We would both be divorced.
I don't know what to do!
If you divorce someone, is that the end of being a JW?
And if he's been a very serious witness since the age of 3, how likely is it that he would give it up for love?!!!
If anyone out there has any input, I'm all ears!
Hmm... I've never personally been a JW, but I'm married to a disfellowshipped one, and even though she broke through and has the idea the Watchtower has had a lot of problems and is not the "truth", she still struggles with not being able to talk to her brother or mother as well as previous people she'd related with when she was a Witness. Anyway...
What others are saying sounds totally correct, IMO, i.e. that you're really only heavily infatuated with this guy, and it sounds like what's also going on is that you're both bored with your daily lives/marriages. I can tell you that a guy willing to cheat on his wife with you will almost assuradly someday cheat on you, as well, and since you sound like you're willing to cheat on your husband, maybe you'd find yourself cheating on Mike someday.
What I recommend is some serious thinking within yourself about what type of person you really want to be and if the type of person Mike is likely to be is the type of person you really would want to be with for the long-term. IMO cheating on one's spouse is totally lame and weak. If you could "sack-up" and find ways of helping your marriage to be stronger, that would be the path I'd highly suggest. It sounds like Mike would be following a JW goal even I could highly agree with if he'd do the same with his own wife and stop communicating with you. At this point, further communication with each other just isn't intelligent at all, IMO.
Again, this is only opinion, and I know I nor anyone here can force their opinions on you, but there are some opinions here from people who've seen somewhat similar situations in life -- if not having gone through something similar themselves at some point. I can tell you I had an ex-girlfriend that got married but then was bored, as you seem to be, and she ended up hooking up with this exciting (to her) older biker guy and got a divorce. She thought they were perfect for each other, relating on about every level, too. But after a couple years dating him, she got bored again, and I didn't have a problem cheating with her behind the biker guy's back who had cheated with her on her past husband. The last I heard, she hooked up with that biker's own son. I think she'd have ultimately been far more happy if she'd have just spent some energy working things out with her husband (obviously him doing his part, as well), but we'll never know now.
Here's to wishing for the best~!
