Farm Joke

inbyathread

A rabbi, a holy man and a (retired school teacher) elder were in a car together when the car broke down alongside a farm. Knocking on the door they asked the farmer if they could stay the night. The farmer said he only had two extra beds so one of them would have to sleep in the barn.

The rabbi volunteered and went to the barn as the others found their beds. A few minutes later the rabbi came back and knocked on the door. "I can't sleep in the barn, there's a pig in there. The Holy man said he would sleep in the barn. A few minutes later a knock on the door and again. "I cannot sleep in the barn for there is a cow in it's stall. The elder then stated he would sleep in the barn. A couple of minutes pass and again knocking on the door.

.

It's coming

.

.Get ready

.

.This time it was the pig and the cow.

calico

Clam

An elder walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was
hopping with music and dancing and the lights were always
turning on and off. Each time after the lights would go out
the place would erupt into cheers. When the revelers saw the
elder with his Watchtower under his arm, the room went dead silent.

He walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."

"Why not?" the elder asked. "I really need to use a
restroom!"

"Well, I don't think you should. There is a statue of a naked
woman in there, and she's covered only by a fig leaf."

"Nonsense," said the elder, "I'll look the other way."

So the bartender showed the elder the door at the top of
the stairs, and he proceeded to the restroom.

After a few minutes, he came back out, and the whole place
was hopping with music and dancing again. He went to the
bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. When I came in
here, the place was hopping with music and dancing. Then the
room became absolutely quiet. I went to the restroom, and now
the place is hopping again."

"Well, now you're one of us." said the bartender. "Would you
like a drink too?"

"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled elder.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf is
lifted on the statue, the lights go out in the whole place.
Now, how about a drink?"

starstuff

{{{in by a thread}}} and {{{Clam}}}

Thanks for the double chuckle today....my day started out really crummy, but with the belly laughs your jokes generated, I think my day is going to get better!

starstuff

ButtLight

Funny!!!!!! Heres another.

Two rednecks are in a bar, and the one says to the other, "hey, do you think if I snuck over to your house one night when you are gone, and did your wife, and she got pregnant, we'd be kin?"

The other redneck says, "well I dont know about kin, but we'd be even!"

Rooster

Breathe In Breathe Out

There was a blonde that went to the hair salon with headphones. Before the barber started cutting her hair she told him "Make sure not to knock the headphones off my head". So the barber was sure not to. The next time, the blonde said the same thing "Do not knock the headphones off my head". The barber again, did what he was told. The third time she went, she told the barber again "Don't knock the headphones off my head", this time though, the barber accidentally knocked them off. As soon as the headphones fell off, the blonde dropped to the floor unconcious. The barber picked up the headphones and listened, and this is what it said "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...."

Rooster

Breast Feeding Blonde

A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open. A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, "Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman's right breast is hanging out."

As he gets closer it becomes apparent that her breast is hanging out. When he gets face to face with her he says, "Ma'am, are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why, officer?"

"Well, your breast is hanging out."

She looks down and says "OMIGOD, I left the baby on the bus!"

Rooster

A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son

Dear Son,

I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.

It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.

The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes.

About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.

Love, Ma

mark hughes

A blond goes to the doctor for a routine check-up. The doctors says "well I have news for you, you are pregnant".

The blond replies"Is it mine?"

mark hughes

Why did the blond stare at the orange juice carton?

Because it said concentrate.

Farm Joke

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